Were YOU Depressed When You Were A Witness? (page 2)

fullofdoubtnow

I was during the last few years, when I wasn't doing as much ministry and the elders were on my back a lot. Once I left, the depression started to lift.

Pistoff

Oh yeah. My depression came out as anger. My sister was suicidal until she quit going; my son as well. My nephew has undiagnosed migraines; he is a very bright guy but an active witness.

Most of the witnesses I know have some sort of MI issues.

P

drew sagan

Not being able to keep up with all the witness activity. Thinking I was less of a person because I didn't read all the magazines, did enough service, and other things.

No, not when I was in. I suppose like many the routine and companionship provides a prop that is quite comforting. When I stepped down as an elder and began my exit, that's when am sure I suffered form mild depression.
It's all better now, thankfully.
Eyeslice

liquidsky

Depressed + Suicidal + suffered from anxiety attacks.

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

Re: Were YOU Depressed When You Were A Witness?

Yes.

Suicidal.

Hospitalized.

Desperate.

I don't feel that way anymore. Life still has hardships, but I don't want to just go to sleep and never wake up.

I also had migraines on a regular basis.

A poor immune system - caught every virus going around.

A bad stomach, nothing ever agreed with me. Took Prilosec OTC or lots of antacids for it all of the time.

I don't have any of these problems anymore since I've stopped all meeting attendance and no longer consider myself a JW. (Sometimes I get a migraine when uber-stressed at work, but I was getting them EVERY WEEK for years.)

My mom is so depressed that she can't even be happy for me that I'm happy. She sarcastically says, "yes I know, you are so happy now, that's great."

She thinks her depression is Satan's doing, it's because we are so far from perfect, so close to the end. I think her depression is because she is a brainwashed member of a cult. It breaks my heart everyday because I know she could be happy. She's looking in the wrong place.

My friend once said to me, "Ever wonder why depression runs in the family? Why it stays in the family?" It doesn't run in my extended family, among my non-JW relatives. It runs in my immediate family, the JW family.

This is enough evidence for me that it's not God's organization.

DesertRat

To say that I was a depressed Dub, especially towards the end, would be one of the biggest understatements of my life..

As with many others on this site, no doubt, I sincerely believe that I tried my hardest to do all that I thought was right, all that was expected of me, & more (was any of it EVER enough??? Nooo!!!!!!!). I knocked on the doors, gave the talks, sat through convention after convention warning me of Armageddon's 'nearness,' endured ridicule at school & elsewhere because I was different & thought Jehovah would be proud, & pretty much sacrificed myself & any notions of self-worth for the sake of the 'Kingdom'--all the while wondering why I still felt hollow & unfulfilled (or why two of my friends, one a pioneer & the other ex-Patterson, committed suicide..). There was the loneliness & alienation of being 'different' for other reasons & not being able to explain it to anyone, the anguish in my head that the 'brothers' & 'sisters' could not, or would not, understand (at least not without canned advice such as 'pray more' & 'go out in service more'). And there were the times I sat up all night reading the Bible & spilling my guts to Jehovah--for nothing. If any of that isn't depressing, I don't know what is..

It was not until I somehow got through my attempts on my life, & my 2004 rollover accident (during which moment I asked God to let me die), that I started to realize that maybe, just maybe, the real problem was not ME (as had been drilled into my head all those years), & that I might have a real reason to be here that I was just looking for in all the wrong places. I don't claim to have found all the answers for myself, but I am working on it..

Depression of another sort occasionally takes hold as I realize that adjusting to life on the 'outside' is not as easy or as effortless as I had hoped (perhaps because it is difficult to let go of something we have held onto for so long, even when we know it was all a lie). Fortunately, this time I know the REASON & that it will fade away in time as long as I continue to work on myself--reading, exploring, journaling, spending time in the mountains, & coming to this site as often as possible.

(((((((Anyone else who has battled similar depression before, or is dealing with it now)))))))

Your Friend,

DR

Arthur

Absolutely. I was heavily medicated for a long time, and even the medications didn't help. I was still suicidal and came very close to actually doing it. I was hospitalized on numerous occasions.

The biggest factor was that no matter how hard I worked for Jehovah, it was never enough. The whole "salvation through works" mentality was literaly killing me. When I decided to quit going to meetings and decided to "fade out", my mental health began to improve quickly.

Virgochik

I was very depressed when I was living at home as an elder's daughter. I developed an eating disorder, migraines and caught every "bug" that went around. It all came from inner unhappiness and stress. After I got my own tiny place and bugeted my hamburger helper to last four nights, I was poor, but happy! The headaches stopped and I enjoyed food again. I think alot of my misery came from never being allowed to have any fun, it was all meetings and study. I did well in school, but was told no college, so life was bleak. One week stretched into another, meeting after boring meeting, and no point trying in school.

Life is good now!

Sailor Ripley

I just felt dirty all the time; not physically dirty of course, just muddy and confused. The crap I was being asked/told to believe didn't add up. I'm analytical and not much into the Shut Your Pie Hole and Do What You're Told mentality.

I always felt like if everything was going well that god would somehow throw a wrench into to my scene to screw it up so that I would appreciate the New System more. I now feel that if something good happens it's because of what I did... vice versa stands true as well. If I want something but don't work hard enough to get it then I won't. My Catholic wife believes there is a grand plan and that everything happens for a reason. Whatever, she puts up with my crap so I'm happy.

Were YOU Depressed When You Were A Witness?