My husband and I will be celebrating over 11 years of marriage and our anniversary is coming up. I should be excited but I am not. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly but I am already setting myself up for a disappointment. In 10 years of marriage I have gotten a few cards and less gifts and he hates to make dinner reservations. We go to dinner but he is always distracted and seems bored. Being raised as Jw's you would think that only having to celebrate one day a year would be easy, no BD's, or Christmas, etc. For me it is celebrating our love, the day we came together, our friendship. You would think that after 10 years I would stop being disappointed and get used to it but honestly it hurts my heart. I wonder if I am as important to him as he is to me. We have had this discussion and it never turns out well. We are both faders so honestly the holiday's are no big deal to us, his favorite line of reasoning of not being excited about anniversaries uese to be that they were no differant than b'days. Well since we are both considered 'apostates" by our family that doesn't hold water anymore. He says he loves me dearly but is not romantic. I never get flowers, surprises, back rubs,etc but believe me after a night of Xbox360 and ignoring me he is ready to have sex and would love something "special", if you know what I mean. Now I know I sound like a cry-baby but I have to vent. I can't tell anyone I know so I will vent to strangers, oh the beauty of internet. I am not perfect but I am not lazy nor am I a naggy woman. I backpack with him, camp with him, fish, work an outside job, keep the house, run the errands, make all meals, make his lunch and coffee, go to school etc and I am still considered very good looking. So I ask you, are all of you experiencing this with your husbands, or am I alone? How can I get through to him without being offensive, is it possible?
Anniversary time again!
by prettyinpink 10 Replies latest social relationships
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serendipity
Hi pretty in pink & welcome.I'm sorry you're hurt. This must really be bothering you - I noticed you've been a member for nearly a year, and this is your first post.
I'm not married, so don't have much in the way of tips for you. I ran across an interesting book that I posted about here that might be enlightening and could be a springboard for discussion with your hubbie:
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prettyinpink
Thank you, that is nice.
I 'lurk' alot but the truth is I am very busy. My husband spends a lot of time on here and honestly I figure he posts enough for the both of us.
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serendipity
My husband spends a lot of time on here and honestly I figure he posts enough for the both of us.
Very interesting, does he know you're here and does he know your screen name?
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BlackSwan of Memphis
Ok Pretty in Pink many men (not all) are like this.
It's like they are well, men.
Here's my suggestion:
Tell him.
I mean be very open and honest as to your .....
NEEDS.
Not wants.
My husband just said (as I was telling him about this)
"We're cavemen."
To men:
Their job is to provide and protect.
The R word can be so foreign and not only that, they sometimes don't quite understand Why women are so into the R thing.
To them hanging out and playing xbox and sharing things like backpacking is Romantic. -
bikerchic
Sorry PIP that your hubby is such a lazy ass, LOL He needs a lesson!
One year after being fed up with pretty much the same thing with my first husband (*note to your hubby I said FIRST husband*) Since showing him year after year with gifts from me to him didn't clue him in this is what I finally did;
I got the card I would wish he would buy and bought an expensive piece of jewelry had it wrapped and attach it to card. I ordered flowers and had them sent to me at our house. I made reservations for two for dinner at a very nice and expensive restaurant and purchase two movie tickets to a cool chick flick for after dinner. I bought new clothes (expensive too) for the occasion. I let him know the date and what was planned and to show up or else. He did we had a great time and he got a lesson on what a man should do once a year for the woman who had his five kids and bla,bla,bla....
He got the idea big time when the bill came too and went the cheap route the next few years with a few expensive surprises thrown in for good measure but it's amazing how creative they will get once the finally get it.
Second time around I just made sure I married a hopeless romantic........livin' la viva roka!
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codeblue
WelcomeI totally understand your frustration. WE care less about holidays.........but I think relationships are something to be celebrated.
Go ahead and do something NICE for him.........dont' expect return........
He will know how important it is so you.
Relationships need constant tendering...........much like a weedy garden....(guys don't get it sometimes)
I wish you the best.
Codeblue
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anewme
PrettyinPink, I went through the same thing the first time around. Sad sad sad. I too bought the anniversary cards for him to give me. I handed them over for him to sign....(sigh) What a woman wont do to try and get the attention of the man she loves!
After 20 years I just got fed up.
Now I too am enjoying La Vida whatever here in Loveland with a romantic man who insists on opening all doors for me and treats me like fine china!
There just has to be a way to keep the love fires burning!!
I kind of have a clue about men and how they think and operate. I know they dont like nags and they like alot of fun sex play. But they need to be encouraged to be romantic. They need strong suggestions.
Women have to learn the fine art of corralling a man to where she wants him to be but make him think HE THOUGHT OF IT!
This requires a bit of thinking and strategy along with humor and all in the name of love and romance!
Also I've learned a woman too easily won over is no conquest to a man. Little Miss Rug is not that sexy.
Have your own pocket money to buy your own fun. Have hobbies that interest and absorb you.
Do something with friends. In other words, be a woman with a life of her own. Send him a message that you have other options if he chooses to ignore you.
You are already engaging in recreation with your husband which makes you a pal and that is important.
(My husband has already marked on the calendar the hot days in August he and his pal, (me) will be headed for the '32 Ford car shows) He just bought some fresh sun block so I wont burn this year.
But somehow I think if they would allow dogs, I wouldnt have to go.
Actually thinking about it. I dont know how to keep a husband interested. I blew it the first time and who knows how long this one will last? Im getting as big as a '32 Ford, but think that is not going to fool him.
Anybody else got any ideas on how to bedazzle a man for a lifetime????
Anewme -
delilah
Welcome, Pretty in Pink....I like Bikerchic's idea...
I got the card I would wish he would buy and bought an expensive piece of jewelry had it wrapped and attach it to card. I ordered flowers and had them sent to me at our house. I made reservations for two for dinner at a very nice and expensive restaurant and purchase two movie tickets to a cool chick flick for after dinner. I bought new clothes (expensive too) for the occasion.
That, should do the trick...of course, you know your husband, and how he may react, positively, or not....so proceed with caution, perhaps.
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karnage
Congratulations Pretty In Pink on your 11th anniversary. My wife and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday. (7-24-06)