Hi My name is Mike aka Helmus and I am new to this forum. I want to start out by saying hello to already current members: Hi. Anyway, I logged on to this forum because I have a deep concern regarding the Jehovah's witnessess. When I was 19 years old the "Jdubs" came into my and my family's life. They had a really profound impact on, what it seems to be, only me!!! My sister and cousin attended their disscussions aswell as my dad, but to this day I feel as if I'm the only one that carries around what they preached 6 years ago, now! Anyhow, before I get to my question I would like to write about all the stuff they talked to us about ,and, in which, had such a profound effect on me especially some parts that I can recall. First they spoke of the most obvious which was armaggedon; the way these witnesses spoke of it was rather frightening to me especially the part of the "heathen" who would renounce Jehovah untill the end of time, then would be severely punished! Other lectures included the "Whore and the beast with seven heads" which, apparently, represents The UN and The Catholic church or some "false" religious institution.( I can't remember clearly which one it was). I remember one time asking a very curious question to the male witness that would preach to us every wednesday ( it was there whole family that would come over) . It went something like this: When Armaggedon is over and the "true , faithful" ones remain what will happen to all the weapons of war that man has created? (to me this stuff has to go somewhere and it has no us to the Jdubs) And he responded: We shall clear the earth of it. I was baffled by his response but did not push it any further!! And now to the last thing I remember vividly about them and their teachings, that will lead me to my question, is the subject of: not pleasing the flesh but serving God. And I will never forget the picture( I hope many of you have seen this pic in their writings) it was a woman dancing with a man,I believe, !!!and their expressions were that of wanton, indiscriminate pleasure. Her face says alot!!! Anyway, I could never really get that image and those words away from my mind until now.
To make things short, we were unconvinced of their fantastical visions of the" Paradise" and the Fanatacism they brought along-- to the point of one feeling they were imposing on you-- so we said good bye to them. At any rate, I got into the House scene which I would go to a nightclub and dance the night away to soulful house music and really revel in it. I would let loose on the dance floor and I would get complimented on my dance skills which gave me confidence. But a few years into the scene I began to feel the strangest thing which I had never felt in my life before: my leg, this is gonna sound hillarious. Don't laugh. but, my leg felt as if were unequal-- left one that is. I felt as if I was standing on my right one a tad bit more and the weight was being distributed there more which caused me at first to speculate that my leg was shrinking!!! This whole incidence also caused me to sink into a depression and experience a ton of anxiety, for all of my life I had not felt this dicrepancy until Now. In brief , I went through a S#$t load of anxiety and it did not , in my opinion, help me grow as person, for I was always--and I mean always-- focused on it. Even when engaged in conversations with others, I was not mentally there to concentrate. I've obsessed about it so much as to put a hinderance in my social life.!! I hated having a leg shorter than the other. I had to ask myself philosophical questions as to why I was feeling this? I've never had a high self-esteem to begin with so this wasn't going to help. Then I thought could it be punishment for learning about the Jdubs and then leaving them. I do remember them saying something which I will quote allegorically: if you leave the teachings, it will be like going back into the desert where it is very difficult. Was I being punished for knowing about who to please and then going against them pleasing myself and my anatomical discrepancy was the punishment from God. I trully don't know and I've pondered this for a long time for, as absurd as it may sound, the differences in my legs length has given me grief and alot of it. Or is it some lofty fallacy I've created in my mind and use this as an excuse? I am writing all of this so one of you who might have a similar experience lend me a hand in my dilemma so I can go on with my life and forget about the already dead past. I apologize for writing sooo much and if you get to this point then you are trully brave. I just would like to clarify my misconception if it is one and get on like I said before. Thanks for taking the time to read my first and probably the last longest post I write. Peace