Sometimes our reputation is the only thing we have (page 2)

parakeet

When I was in my early 20s, a sister in the cong took a liking to me and invited me over for drinks and a chat. I felt really honored she wanted to be friends because she was one of the "annointed," and I thought her opinion on almost any subject would be worth hearing.
When I got there, she fixed us some sloe gin fizzes and over the next two hours trashed absolutely everyone in the cong. She knew the dirt on everyone and wasn't afraid to spread it around. To say I was shocked and appalled was an understatement. I don't know why she thought I would enjoy hearing these things. I left as soon as I could and still be polite. I was still a goody-goody in those days.
Mean-spirited gossip was rife in our cong. I'm not sure anyone there had a reputation so sterling that it could not be shredded by this sister and her cronies.
I've found the real world to be much kinder, on the whole.

Nellie

This topic really hit home! Recently I called out one of my best friends - the kind of friend that you would get up at 3:00 in the morning because they needed to talk friend, the kind of friend that you would do just about anything for friend because I hadn't heard from them (both husband and wife) in almost a year. Mind you, we live 10 minutes away, and have both house and cell phones.

But anyway, my friend told me that the reason they hadn't been in contact was because they had "heard some things" about me and my husband! I had to pick myself up off the floor I was so shocked by the comment! If my BEST FRIENDS believe "something" they heard, what chance in hell do I have that the average joe-blow is gonna think the best of me?

FlyingHighNow

In the case of the woman above I hope she went back to her sister (still a JW) and told her the real truth about what happened.. My mother will never change though. Her opinion of me is that I seduced him.

Lady Lee, your mother isn't playing with a full deck. Even though she's your mother, you can't take her opinion seriously. Deep down, your mother knows you were a child and that it was not your fault. She can't handle that truth though, so she scapegoats you. For her to admit the man was molesting you, would be to admit she made a damn poor choice. It's just easier to blame you than to accept that she chose a man who would molest her daughter.

As to what witnesses believe you did, I am of this opinion: if they can't see that there is your side of the story they haven't heard, their opinion doesn't count. A person of substance takes into account that they don't have all the facts. The person of substance gives you the benefit of the doubt.

sass_my_frass

This bothers me, and I'll tell you why. I had a great rep, and now I've been disfellowshipped it has of course been destroyed. That has quite deeply affected me. These people think they are in a position to make me feel low and worthless. I've decided that they are not.

Nobody else's opinion of me matters; only my own. If somebody judges me inferior to them, I no longer consider their opinion valid. I know I'm a top chick. I don't care what anybody thinks or says.

wednesday

I recall a long time ago 2 couples were DF at the same time (the announcement was read the same night). So much gossip was going on in the cong. that a second announcement had to be read to say that the DF'ments were NOT related (lol the cong thought the two couples were having an orgy or something, swingers and such)

RichieRich

Wow, funny this has come up.

A couple of still active witnesses have crept out of the shadows of the internet to talk to me recently. When I asked them if they knew what had happened, responses were mixed.

Some thought I had been DFed for fornication, cussing, or for having a myspace. (I think the latter might have been planted by the elders- some recent spy work showed that only 3 out of 45 or so that used to have a myspace still have one.)

Some knew I had DAed, but some thought it was due to an argument with my mother, an elder, or a young brother from another congregation.

Apparently, I have been seen stumbling around a WalMart drunk early in the morning, or smoking a joint at a recent downtown festival.

(none of that is true, for the record)

so, defaming a person's reputation is a good way to get back at them i guess...

but, by the same token, in school, I had been given a reputation as sort of a vindicator, someone who sought out bullies to bring back balance to the halls. But that wasn't true, either, I had an altercation with a known bully, and he came out of it messed up, so then I some how became a spin off of the punisher.

I later found that one kid who had been targeted by this particular bully, had started this rumor to scare the bullies into easing up on the kids.

so, this kid was trying to improve my reputation in thankfulness.

Sometimes our reputation is the only thing we have