Shunning

choosing life

I was reading stories about various ones on the board who are being shunned by loved ones. I am officially being shunned as of today by my daughter because I refuse to shun her. She was just disfellowshipped.How do you get past the hurt? We were so close. Does it get any easier? She thinks this will somehow bring me to my senses, but it just makes my rational mind scream out that this isn't even close to the love taught by Jesus. How many times did he tell people to go and sin no more. Not grovel at my feet and be an outcast until i decide you're repentant. The outcry of pain that must go up to God in prayer each day from this extreme form of emotional abuse for all involved.

looking_glass

She was just disfellowshipped

Wait, I am confused, she was just DF'd and you are not shunning her but she is shunning you. Because generally it is the other way around.

dobbie

I am really sorry to hear this.Well done for not shunning your daughter .If she wont talk can you send a letter?Explain that you are always there for her etc. maybe she is doing it because she feels she deserves it for leaving, after all it does screw your mind up.I don't personally understand why close family shun each other as its not a wts teaching is it?There are families in my congregation that don't shun family that's left, perhaps it depends on the elders/country. Hang in there this may just be an extreme reaction to all that is happening to her, but it must be terribly hard for you but if you always keep the door open and let her know that she may come round.

Dansk

Sorry, but I'm with looking_glass. I'm confused!

You said:

I am officially being shunned as of today by my daughter because I refuse to shun her.

How can your daughter officially shun you? If you don't shun her she is hardly likely to shun you - but the org might shun you for not shunning your daughter.

If you're still a JW I'd say get out of there (if possible) and strengthen the ties with your daughter.

Ian

jwcol

The original purpose was as a last resort for persons who didn't want to change. The purpose today...what it has evolved into is a far cry from it's original intent. Today, it's used for punishment. It's based more on what you did and what you deserve as a result. My elder body went over the mosaic code with me, and Jehovah's standards and how there HAD to be punishment and consequences. The said I WAS repentant and turned around, but I HAD to be punished by disfellowshipping, there was just no way around it. I honestly think it's one of those things where it is a tool that is used to see if people will sink or swim...leave or work through the reinstatement process, and also scare others in the hall. I think they feel they "need" a disfellowshipping every so often in every hall just to keep people in check. I would just reeeeeally like to take a look at the "Pay Attention" book and see what it says on the matter. I wonder if it's different from what is outlined in the mags....and the Bible for that matter.

I like how they explain that there is no minimum time period for disfellowshipping, but it's never sooner than 6 months to a year. If you're going to specifically kick a person out for a certain period of time, just be honest and let them know how long it's going to be instead of saying "yes, you are repentant, no, there is no minimum time, but it hasn't been long enough." It's just all a big game and it's irritating.

Crumpet

Your description of teh situation is a little confusing, but you say she has only just begun to shun you - its early days. If you continue to make overtures reminding her of your unconditional love for her I feel certain she will come to you at some point.

tijkmo

it's irritating.

understatement-r-us

Sweetp0985

I don't get it either...although I am the one df'd and my mom never really shunned me but sometimes when she's too pushy with trying to get me to come back I always tell her, "you're not supposed to be talking to me anyway"...but its said in anger...I don't really want her to shun me..

so maybe we'll get a better explanation of the situation..

carla

It makes sense to me. The daughter is shunning mom because she (the daughter) was df'd and mom refuses to tow the party line in shunning her therefore not being a good jw and a good example. The daughter knows mom is supposed to shun her and probably feels like she deserves it after her little meeting with the elders. Makes perfect sense to me in a psychotic way. But most everything jw looks that way to me.

tijkmo

i think it is to do with the mindset..

a newly df-ed person will convince themselves that it is deserving...the reality will not have sunk in yet..they also know that family members should be upholding it..so if they have any desire to return then they will take steps to enforce the shunning. like if someone comes to visit the house they will remove themselves to another room.

this is probably what is going on here

(unless the df daughter actually doesnt want family association anymore)

Shunning

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