I'm so disappointed with myself!!

by fullofdoubtnow 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • fullofdoubtnow
    fullofdoubtnow

    Trev and I both gave up smoking around a month ago. We didn't tell many people, hoping that would stop those of our friends who smoke from offerring us a cigarrette. Trev has been meaning to quit for a while, and I joined him when he made the attempt to support him. I only started smoking regularly again quite recently anyway, although I was a heavy smoker pre jw, so I thought it would be easier for me than him, he's been smoking since he left the org in 1999.

    How wrong I was! He's been fine, and though he admits to missing smoking, its not been as bad as he thought, while I've been just about tearing my hair out for 3 weeks. I finally gave in to the cravings a few days ago and started again, and admitted it to Trev when he came home about 2 hours ago. I thought he'd be angry or at least disappointed with me, but he's been really sweet and understanding, which has made me feel even worse really, though I feel a lot calmer now I'm smoking again. I really wish I'd listened to Trev and not started again, but I guess it's a little too late for that now .I sort of enjoy it, I always did, and I smoked occasionally in secret throughout most of my time as a jw. I know it's an awfully bad habit, and expensive, but I need it right now, in fact I need a cigarrette just typing this.

    I just hope my smoking again now doesn't tempt him back into it, I would feel really guilty if that happened as he's been doing so well.

    Linda

  • Gill
    Gill

    fullofdoubtnow - Don't give up, giving up! Although you no longer expect to live forever, it's a pity not to live as long as you could have and in reasonable health!

    Good Luck!

  • lovelylil
    lovelylil

    Please, please quit smoking for your health. I lost my mom and dad both to cancer. Smoking is not only expensive and a bad habit - you WILL die a premature death from smoking!

    It is hard to do it alone, I know I am an ex smoker. I quit when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter who will be 14 soon. My hubby quit at the same time and we never took it up again.

    Most people need a doctors help. There are really good perscription meds out there that can calm your cravings. You also must stay away from smokers at least in the beginning.

    Please talk to your doctor, he/she can help, you owe it to yourself to live the longest and best life possible. Good luck to you, Lilly

  • Makena1
    Makena1

    Linda,

    Keep fighting - you can win!






    We found this book and program very helpful:






    Best wishes on becoming and remaining a non-smoker.


    Mak and Sabine

  • rebel8
    rebel8

    You've given it up before, so we know you can do it!

    Can you try nicotine gum/inhaler/patch/lozenge? They are expensive but some people swear by it. There are other medications too. I also know several people who rave about acupuncture for smoking cessation. They implant a tiny needle behind your ear and you press it when you have a craving. Expensive in the short term maybe....but in the end you will save $....

    In some places there is 24 hour free phone counseling, good for getting a pep talk when you need it. Do you have anything like that in the UK?

    Good luck!

  • fullofdoubtnow
    fullofdoubtnow

    I have thought of trying some of the aids to giving up that are around now. We both tried "cold turkey", and Trev is still ok with that. The more I think about it, the more foolish I feel that I ever started again.

    I will try again soon, but I'm not ready yet. One day.....

  • KW13
    KW13

    It sounds to me, like you've depended on it for a long time in some way or another, and trying to 'give it up' wont work unless their is something else to replace it.

    You've done well to even want to start quitting and thinking about it, that is the beginning

  • Life Is Grand
    Life Is Grand

    I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now.

    I quit in Jan/05 and never touched a cigarette for over a year. My husband smokes, he tried to quit too but that didn't last very long. I made the mistake of having a few one night with a beer(it was too easy with him still smoking), and although at this point I'm not right back at it full time, I am smoking far more than I know I should be. AND feeling guilty about it.

    The good thing is that I KNOW that I CAN quit and I know that I will again when I'm ready. You will do it when the time is right...nobody can tell you when and nobody can guilt you into it. It has to be YOU that wants to do it and you will.

    All the best to you....

    LIG

  • Cardinal Fang
    Cardinal Fang

    Hello FODN

    I've never been a smoker, but I am a recovering alcoholic, and in many respects, IMHO,addiction is addiction is addiction, especially where physical/chemical dependency is concerned, and there's a few techniques I've picked up in recovery that might be applicable to your problem.

    One biggie is the 'one day at a time' principle - 'keeping it in the day' - not thinking about the weeks/months/etc. stretching ahead without a drag - just telling yourself "I'm not going to have a cigarette (in my case, a drink) TODAY", and worry about tomorrow when it comes - similarly, not concerning yourself with how you *might* cope with various stressful life events if and/or when they arise - it's that approach that's taken me through a lot in the years I've been sober, including JW family ostracism, the loss of a very dear relative, and many other stresses and strains.

    One other thing - you mention worrying about dragging (pun half-intended ) your partner back into smoking with you - speaking for myself and my own experiences, I learned very early on in my recovery (through JW-related family ostracism when I'd only barely dried out) that if I was to overcome my addiction, it had to be for myself and NOONE ELSE, since other people's behaviour toward can, has, and may still change at any time, and if I pinned my sobriety to that, I'd be done for. Also, I need to remember that I am responsible purely for MY addiction and MY recovery - noone else's - and that others are solely responsible for theirs.

    A long-time sober man once said to me that he was always careful never to 'share beyond his experience', so I'll take his advice and leave it there - as I say, hopefully you might find the above principles helpful. It might also be worth looking up Allen Carr's book - he's apparently done great things with smoking.

    I wish you the very best.

  • Forscher
    Forscher

    Well Linda,
    How many times did you fall on you butt when you were learning to walk? I know you can't remember, but if you've ever raised a toddler you know it was plenty of times. But you didn't let those failures stop you did you? It is the same with any behavior modification. Failure will occur. But if you get right up and keep at it, like you did as a toddler, you will succeed in the long run. I like the oft quoted words of Yoda "Try not! Do or do not! There is no try!". If you adopt that attitude and be "as a child" in the way I mentioned first you need have nothing to bve disappointed about.
    Forscher

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