Yup, definitely. You are chasing yourself right up your own behind. The only solution I know is to get some perspective by getting out of yourself - focus on your kids, or whatever. Anti-depressant drugs do not attack the real issue - they cover it over with a warm, fuzzy blanket. Your only alternative is behavioral modification, wherein you figure out your own neuroses with or without the help of a pro. And begin working with what you find out. You thought there was going to be a short cut? An easy out? No way, babe! YOU GOT TO DO THE WORK.......................................................................... yayesssss........
Not enough words to tell you about it.
by Sparkplug 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Sparkplug
Yup, definitely. You are chasing yourself right up your own behind. The only solution I know is to get some perspective by getting out of yourself - focus on your kids, or whatever. Anti-depressant drugs do not attack the real issue - they cover it over with a warm, fuzzy blanket. Your only alternative is behavioral modification, wherein you figure out your own neuroses with or without the help of a pro. And begin working with what you find out. You thought there was going to be a short cut? An easy out? No way, babe! YOU GOT TO DO THE WORK.......................................................................... yayesssss........
Well nobody here mentioned me trying anti depressed nor being depressed. Behavior modification...I did mention having worked a lot on that. That should always be a work in progress for all of us. Some need to learn to not be abrasive, others need to learn not to cry when angry. But a quick answer....did not expect a speedy solution.
Like perhaps I asked how to stop pissing off a certian person when I talk to them. A reasonable person may have a helpful tidbit to add that may give insight into the dynamics of the situation. I was asking simply that. I am not looking for a list of drugs or a speech on how obviously I have a problem. I really am not looking for cutdowns and people that may jump on the bandwagon and kick me when down. I just had a simple question, such as the breathing thing helps when I get in that situation. Or I try to watch the persons mouth and hang on their words so that I do not pass out. Maybe there is a book I have not read that perhaps you have? It sounds like you know about the solutions...
Things that perhaps others have used to ease the tension when in the situation. Obviously others have gone through this. I just bet most people have enough sense to not bring it up on a public forum. Nothing like baring a weakness to have yourself slyly ripped to shreds. I am game today. Sometimes by throwing myself out there I end up with help and usually a mess of people have been having the same trouble. I was just hoping one of you all has conquered it and has some "in the situation" coping techniques. Anyone?
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Sparkplug
The only solution I know is to get some perspective by getting out of yourself - focus on your kids, or whatever.
What in the world made you think of this? I am talking of an entirely different subject. My getting teary when angry has nothing to do with getting perspective. I find it really odd that you added that and "getting out of myself" in here? One might think that you were being unreasonable in deducing that because I have a situation at work that I am not already focused on my family and have all ducks in a row in other matters. Please tell me that is not what you are doing? I just asked about dealing with a terrible reaction when put in a situation that makes me angry. It can get embarrassing. I am not accustomed to making an ass out of myself in public and I actually have the desire to stop the tears.
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Apostate Kate
Wow Decki so many of us have gone through the same emotional issues. I'm glad that you are not holding in the feelings, I was a holder inner and it took a toll on me. I think you are doing very well to allow yourself the tears. That is good!
I used to hate confrontation. I would avoid it all cost. I felt the same way, having to go before the elders. Them jerks took me in the back room once, having an older larger girl physically force me in the back room. Then they stood in front of the door so I could not escape. I have had claustrophobia but never knew it until something came up to bring it out. I know it is from that day it was a horrid experience. The JW experience left so many of us unable to deal with confrontation well. We were never allowed a fair fight, or any fight for that matter.
Anyway, I have been to several different types of therapy, psychologist, psychoanylist, psychiatrist for depression meds, and the last one was a PTSD anger managment therapist not constant of course but as needed for the past 15 or so years.
What happened to me is I went from repressed feelings, to letting it all out. Notice the anger managment is listed last. You will probably make a slow natural progression out of where you are now, to a more healthful confident assertive nature with time.
You have so much responsibility, as did I when I was younger and as JWs I think we missed quite a bit in learning how to deal with responsibilities without stress. BUT today, companies all over are going through terrible stressful situations. Gone are the days you had a job for 30 years and retired with a full retirement fund. So the excess stress is not just you, many people are going through work instabilities.
I wish it was not too simple and trite to say; don't worry. After going along this journey all these post JW years, you learn to let go. Relax. I don't worry about anything anymore. I memorized the serenity prayer long ago and even if you are not any kind of believer, it can work.
God grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Francis of Assisi
You are an incredible hard working woman, deeply intellectual and talented. Whatever happens, you are going to be alright.
and by the way..you get older and confrontation becomes an enjoyable art form
~Kate
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sass_my_frass
HI sparks.. I haven't been through what you have, and I don't get the reaction that you describe, so I apologise that I can't help at all... I just wanted to give you these:
I guess the only thing I can compare it to is the times that I've been at work (and it's always when I'm on an interstate trip), that I've gotten hate emails from my family (it's all they like to say to me these days). Without exception, every time, I've thrown a wobbly and acted like a raving madwoman. I take comfort in the fact that they knew I'm a bit 'different' anyway, and they know my situation so they're sympathetic, but still, it doesn't help with the immediate humiliation.
Are they, for the most part, a bit reasonable and understanding? Can you see it as something that isn't personal, just a process that they have to go through, like they did with everybody else in the group? Are you able to separate the way that they treated you at work from the way that the elders did - were they a bit kinder or more professional? I'm thinking that in future you might be able to find a way to 'reason' away the reaction you have by finding the differences and telling yourself how the situation are not the same.
Anyway if not, just remember that they love you there as much as we love you here..
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arrowstar
(((Sparky)))
c'mere gal...
rest a minute here...
breathe in
breathe out
just rest a minute here
((((mybabygirl)))
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cognizant dissident
Sparky:
I think I see the problem. You are a sensitive woman with the heart of a poet (I liked your poem a lot), yet you work in a cold, heartless, corporate environment where it is survival of the fittest, and even your own friend may not back you up when her own back is to the wall. Who wouldn't cry in such a situation? You are human and you are being so hard on yourself!
Let's face it, sending joke e-mails is hardly a major crime in an otherwise stellar job performance history. Forgive yourself for the e-mail mistake, learn from it (someone is always watching), and move on. Ditto for the crying. The corporate world likes to treat everything as "just business" and often forgets the human element in a situation. So, your feelings got hurt and you let it show by crying. Not a big deal in the universe. If anyone at work gives you a hard time about it then tell them to "get over it". The big question is will you let yourself off the hook for making a little mistake and then getting emotional when the company made a huge deal of it? The elder's demand perfection and performance without support. We know that and how harmful it is to the flock emotionally, the corporate world demands the same and will beat you up (figuratively) if they don't get it. Will you let yourself make a mistake and stop beating yourself up for it?
cyberhugs,
Cog, (of the I have been in your shoes with the elder's and at work, reformed perfectionist class)
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LovesDubs
When they got ya by the short hairs what can you do? Life isnt fair they tell you. I had a couple of jobs like that where they just sorta plopped me in a chair expecting me to some how understand what I was doing by osmosis or something and then criticizing me when I didnt do it right but nobody would bother to help me. Wanted to scream.
I was fired from one job because the boss said I was "bringing down moral" because I didnt have lunch with the other 10 people in that small company! I was also planning my own wedding, and working overtime because I was constantly behind working for idiots! And my direct boss hated HATED women and would leave nasty notes on my desk every night about things like leaving my plastic coffee spoon laying on my own desk in a private office mind you, and being "a pig"!! The day they fired me, the entire company knew before I did! They waited until 4:30 on a Friday afternoon to tell me I was fired and as I walked to that guys office all eyes were upon me. Assholes.
I tell you what tho, the next job I got after that was working for the brand new Compaq Computer Corporation in 1986 and I did so well there and was so eager to learn that they INVENTED an award to give to me because they were so impressed with my work ethic and my drive and such. I was given this award at a regional meeting in front of hundreds of people! I wanted soooo bad to send that large acrylic diamond trophy to my old boss and tell him to shove it up his extremely tight a$$. But then I thought what a waste of Acrylic that was.
They did me a favor by getting me out of that suffocating environment. Maybe thats what you need too babe. A new venue?
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hemp lover
But when I'm pissed- the waterworks turn on.
Same here and I HATE it.
No advice to give, other than what's already been said, especially by cognizant and sass my frass. I think if, like me, you're not used to being reprimanded or called into the boss's office for anything but praise, then when something negative does happen, it can be devastating, especially when it feels unjust. It's very frustrating to not be able to get out what you need to say because if you open your mouth, you'll lose it.
My company has been through five rounds of layoffs since 9/11, so I know what it feels like to walk around with that sickness inside because you don't know if you're going to have a job tomorrow.
I wish I had a remedy for the dry heaves, but you'll just have to settle for a hug today. (((Decki))) And there's nothing wrong with sharing this experience with the board. We want to help if we can.
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Alpheta
Sparkplug, please forgive yourself for being a human being, and female. For myself (female), I do cry when I'm stressed. It's something I can't control, the tears just come out! Fear, as well as anger and frustration create a TON of stress, and tears, too. So the f'ing corporate world wants us to be robots - or act like men who, unfortunately, we as a society have taught to suppress, suppress, suppress those emotions and natural reactions.
Fear, happiness, love, hate, anger, and the real killer, stress, have effects on our bodies and cause the release of - well, I'm not sure what to call them because I'm sure no physiologist, hormones? chemicals? - into the blood stream that cause the body to prepare for the classic "flight or fight" response. In our 21st century, however, we find ourselves confronting the fight or flight response in "inappropriate" circumstances, such as having to deal with an obnoxious workmate, foul-mouthed, loud teenagers on public transportation, a jerk for a boss, etc. etc. Oh my goodness, how many times I've just wanted to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, SHUT THE F' UP, JUST SHUT THE F' UP, I'VE HAD A HARD DAY AT THE OFFICE AND ALL I WANT ARE PEACE AND QUITE, YOU STUPID, PATHETIC LITTLE NUMBNUTS or GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU A-HOLE OR I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND STUFF IT UP YOUR ***. And ahhhh, imagine myself as Michael Douglas with a gun, or Rambo with a knife...
Geez, sometimes I scare myself! Do I have a solution? Humor (the internal kind), has helped me. At least, I haven't killed anyone (yet). There seems to be a conglomeration of issues involving hormones, acculturation and socialization, and things learned over a lifetime since coming out of the womb are not so easily overcome. But, at least with this "problem" (I do not see crying when under stress as a problem, but other people do), I believe there some techniques that will help you control the stress levels and perhaps prevent those welling tears from overflowing - at least, until you get home. I find imagining myself as Rambo "getting even" works really well, particulary when I do it while I'm being reamed out or blown off by an inferior being who happens to be my "superior" at the office. And, someday, I just may stand up on the bus and, screaming at the top of my lungs as I charge toward the back seats where the snotty kids sit, stop just short of nose length from the biggest and stuppidest looking one and say, in a fake British accent, "YOU are proof that evolution is NOT fact".
You have an excellent work ethic and are a quick learner. I don't know what the job market is like in your area but I too, urge you to check out other possibilities. You are bound to find a more comfortable fit for your talents and personality at another place of employment. Perhaps your local publically-funded technical college offers a career counselling or job placement service; I would urge you to check into that; if such services are offered, you can be tested to see what your job strengths and predilictions are, and you may find yourself being steered in an entirely different direction career wise.