I do.... when I was young my mom kept us from speaking to my non witness dad about anything that might upset him .We also could not openly share our problems of being witnesses at school, like the ridicule we endured for not saying the pledge or celebrating holidays . We had to say we were happy not having birthday parties even if that really was not true . My husband was raised in an abusive household and must have learned some of those same lessons . He became a jw when his parents divorced and he was a teenager . To this day he will avoid talking about any emotinally based difficulty . He stopped going to meetings when I did, but has yet to talk about any resons why . It is so frustrating to me I need to talk things out . I'm so glad I have found an outlet here . My fade has been going along fairly well these past eight months . I just survived a weeklong visit at the witness in-laws. It actually went pretty well.... we all tip- toed around the elephant in the middle of the living room quite nicely .( gotta love the dysfunctional family mindset that if we just don't talk about a problem then it doesn't really exsist ) It was a flash back to dub-dum to be once again surrounded by strategically placed jw literature . The conversations deftly included some kingdom hall nugget such as the latest KM with the 20 revisions for the Rev. Book . (oh glorious light ) It's not that I want to start anything ....I just want to feel validated for my thoughts and feelings ...does this make sense ?
Do you come from a family that totally avoids talking about problems ?
by troubled mind 25 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
mrsjones5
I wish. I have a mother who likes to bring up stuff from the past in order to get a rise out of someone. The last time I went to California to visit her she laid this gem on me - "Do you realize that if you had stayed married to your first husband it would be your 20th anniversay this year!" Mother doesn't know when to shut up.
Josie
-
troubled mind
Mrs jones ...so maybe I should count my blessings !
-
troubled mind
This past visit I noticed how much my mother in law repeats things , same stories over and over again . She must be working on repetition !
-
cyberdyne systems 101
Yeah i'd say I did, not in everyway but in some of the more important. I'd say up until recently I've been unable to be totally open to my parents, I almost had two lives, i'd act one way with them and another with my former friends. Since leaving the WTS, i've had to do a lot of emotional growing up and its brought down some of the area's I found hard to talk about - in fact some who know me from here say i'm very direct now, probably overcompensation for how i was before!
CS 101
-
mrsjones5
Mrs jones ...so maybe I should count my blessings !
When it comes to your extended family I'd say yes. Your husband, give him time. Meanwhile you go and talk to someone or us - we'll listen.
Josie
-
troubled mind
CS 101 , What helped you learn to express yourself more ? Seriously my husband will totally shut down when he doesn't want to deal with some issue .
-
Bumble Bee
Oh yeah! My mother is a mix of yours and mrsjones. She thinks if you don't talk about problems, they will somehow go away.
She doesn't want to talk about anything that might upset HER, but doesn't mind bringing up anything that might upset US.
My brother and I tried to talk to her about some things that happened to us as kids, and because my father has passed, didn't want to hear anything that pertained to him. She also refused to take any responsibility for these things. They are wounds that fester.
When I told her I no longer want to go to meetings etc, she totally freaked! Said she never wanted to talk to me again etc. When she came to her senses some time later, she said she wanted a relationship with me, but didn't want to talk about "all that other stuff". Totally buries her head in the sand.
BUT, when she wants to bring things up, well all I can say is LOOK OUT. I've learned how to totally tune her out when she gets like this. It's always a one way conversation, you can't reason with her.
My hubby came from a family that doesn't talk about things either and it's been a struggle for me to make sure we don't ignore any problems and talk things out. It's much healthier in the long run.
BB
-
troubled mind
Thanks mrsjones , I really appreciate when you post a comment . I really do need to talk about something that is bothering me , and I only have this board to listen to me .
-
troubled mind
Yep bumble bee, know exactly what your saying .