by vitty 10 Replies latest jw friends
After many years of having to explain why I wasnt at the meeting or FS. I have the really annoying habit of feeling I have to explain myself. For example, to my neighbours who never asked, why I hadnt mowed the lawn that weekend or to a friend why I hadnt phoned her for a few days.
How do I stop feeling this need to tell ppl of my short commings or flaws ???????????
My husband is always telling me that they dont need to know or have me explain.
So am I the only one or do you do this also ?
How do I stop feeling this need to tell ppl of my short commings or flaws ???????????
I think this tendency is backdoor way of being accepted in other people's eyes. By pointing out one's shortcomings you take away the opportunity for other people to do it. Nobody likes to hear about their short comings from others so if you do it yourself you enhance other people's image of you.
did that for many years and still do but I have great friends that tell me "STOP JUSTIFYING YOURSELF". I ve learned to catch myself and stop but its hard. I completely understand where you are coming from.
Nikki
norman.................thats the word justifying.............I have to justify myself
Its also true that if I point out my own flaws, I feel ppl wont be pointing the finger
I used to, but not anymore. I found a way to stop with the guilt and feeling I needed to be accepted.
Warlock
Vitty:
Even people NOT raised in the JW's feel a need to explain, and that's what it is NOT all about. You are a free agent, and you don't have to explain anything. If you wanted, you could just go away by yourself, into a new life somewhere else, and you don't OWE anyone an explanation. That is what is hard for XJW's and others to understand is that we are free agents and we CAN DO AS WE LIKE. We can start a new life somewhere else if we like. We don't owe anyone anythign on this Earth!
We have been taught, over our years, to submit to authority, but we really don't HAVE TO. That's what we need to realize. PM me and I will tell you of my own story of getting out of the circle where I felt a need to explain everything. It's hard to get out of but you can..
CG
It's truly a great feeling when you get to a point in your life where you don't give a dang what people think about you.
Having to explain myself I use to feel that way but don’t anymore. I think I just grew tired of it. I probably should explain myself since I am often misunderstood but life is just too short.
In the last few months before I left, I found a lot of pleasure in not explaining my actions.
When I was asked to go somewhere, or do something, I would just say no. No reasoning, justification, anything. Just no. Scares the shit out of people. They need a reason.
Try it sometime, its tons of fun...
Hi Vitty !
Feeling like we have to explain ourselves is an age old malady that most of us have to cure.
My sweet (wise) Aunt once told me a few years ago, "when you get to the point in your life to not give a damm what people think, then you will feel real freedom", and it takes one to get mad enough, or hurt enought to come to that point.
When I came to that point in my life, sheer happiness came over me....free at last, thank God Almighty. Now, I feel I am only accountable to myself (conscience) and to God.
You will get there, just keep working on it.
Hopie
