Bonnie, I know where you are coming from.
When my father was ill, my mother relied on me and my husband on almost a daily basis. I worked full time, worked in the eveings at their cleaning job, visited my father in the hospital every afternoon (took work from the office and did it while dad was napping) because my mom didn't want him to be alone. Something had to give and it was meetings. The elders said I should put the meetings first, my father second. I didn't listen.
But even after all that I did, after my father died, my mother said I should have done more, and I shouldn't have stopped going to the meetings!!! WTF??? What was I supposed to do when she called on meeting nights and said, come over right away, it's an emergency? Maybe I should have told her what the elders said, and what a hard time they gave us, but that's just not me.
It seems like we're damned if we do, damned if we don't!
BB