I need help to clear my mind...

digglina

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the following.

The thought of DA'ing pops up in my mind every now and again. At the moment I don't associate with any witnesses. I do walk into them occassionally, but most of them (from different congregations) don't seem to be aware of the fact that I haven't been attending meetings for over a year now. Even when they know they will probably think I'm just a little 'weak' because I've been divorced recently. (To most of the JW's who are not from my own congregation the thought of me not attending will not even cross their minds as they know me as a zealous witness and former pioneer. I hardly ever visit the town where I am supposed to go the meetings and because of that I (almost) never run in to people from my own congo).

So here's the thing: I am living rather quietly at the moment, but still in the process of starting to trust myself in making my own decisions. My house is for sale, but it will take at least a year in this area before it will be sold and I will be able to move. In the mean time I would like to live my own life with my two children. So what will be best? Lay low until I've moved? Or let my oldest daughter have her birthdayparties (last year I really got sick of the hypocrisy: I wasn't planning on celebrating Xmas but a (very nice) JW girl in my daughters classroom got her presents the week before, so she could also tell at school and would not feel left out! Why not celebrate it then???)and associate myself in public with my DF'ed friend, tell everybody I meet (when appropriate) how I feel etc. etc.

Of course I could do just that without DA'ing, which is my personal favourite. But it would annoy me to be DF'ed for one of the above and nobody knowing I had other reasons first(like: not believing it anymore...). The problem is that nobody who leaves will ever be taken seriously, because the 'Truth' is above any discussion so it's always YOU...

And then there's my MM (manipulative mom) who of course will be 'devastated' if I start practising what I preach (think of all the consequences it will have for HER...), and my lying cheating hypocritical ex-husband, who still sees the children, and pretends he will one day return to the 'truth' as if he ever really wanted that for one single day in his life, let alone lived by the rules for more than an hour...

So tell me, do you have any advice for me?

cyberdyne systems 101

Hi there,

A difficult choice to make in some ways, I personally now would prefer to DA, to actually say out right the reasons why and so forth. At the time of my leaving I felt this would be playing by their rules, but now I see it as a way to make a clean break from a lying organisation. I wasnt in full possesion of the facts back then, I just knew there were things I didnt agree with, that seemed wrong as far as the bible was concerned, but I really knew nothing about how much BS there was.

You said you were happy with a quiet life at the moment, maybe your time hasnt come to stir things up yet? Once you've done it there is no taking it back really. But as you say its much more preferable to being DF, is that perhaps an iminent possibility? That could speed up your choice perhaps?

Whatever you do you wont be judged, just accepted. Good luck

CS 101

rebel8

That's a hard situation to be in....wondering if you're going to be publicly disciplined by a group of wierdos....and there is no right answer to it, since you can't know what they will do.

I vote for laying low and doing whatever you want quietly until you move. If they call you to a JC, you can always hand in your DA letter before they get a chance to DA you. If they DF you without notifying you, you can always appeal on the grounds that they didn't follow the rule of notifying you of the JC.

Personally I've felt I don't want to DA myself or be DFd because I didn't want them to have the satisfaction of me still being subjected to their rules. Others feel they want to DA themselves to make a point or get closure. Either choice is fine....depends upon what you want for yourself.

fullofdoubtnow

I'm with rebel 8 on this. If you can get away with living the quiet life, then stay as you are until you're ready to do something else. If however, they do come after you, and threaten you with a jc or df'ing, then you could da yourself before they get the chance. That way, you are in control, not them. Whatever you choose, good luck.

Linda

agapa37

Hi

I read your story and I would like to say that im sorry you are going through such a tough time. Divorce is hard. You invited comments on what we think you should do (So what will be best?)

My advice would be this.

1) Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In ALL your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your path straight."

2) Psalms 55:22 "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself and he will sustain you...because he cares for you.1Peter 5:7

3) Matthew 11:28-30 " Come to me, all you who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh you. Take my load upon you and learn from me, for i am mild tempered and lowely in heart, and you will find refreshment for your souls. For my yoke is kindly and light."

Love (agape)

agapa37

Finally-Free

If you DA, do it for your reasons and for your own benefit, such as giving them legal notice to stop harassing you, trespassing, or slandering you. Don't bother explaining your doctrinal concerns - they don't care. If you feel you must share your doctrinal concerns, send letters to all the JWs you care about. Maybe they'll stop and think. I didn't do that because I didn't like any of them. I'm content to let them continue wasting their lives.

W

jgnat

I know a very fine ex-JW who has successfully avoided detection for four years. The family practices informal shunning anyways, which suits her just fine. Her family is like yours, manipulative. She can redecorate her home without any ingrown spies to worry about. She puts up neutral lighting year-round, who is to say it is to celebrate a single day?

In the meantime, she can concentrate on building new friendships and a new life for herself.

Because of the recent turmoil in your life, and that you are still in the middle of rebuilding, I'd hold off on the DA. Just be more creative in expressing your independence.

Dismembered

Greetings digglina

Do what ever YOU want.

Dismembered

acadian

Hello Digglina and welcome to the board. What I did was DA myself, not formally I just stopped going. When the elders would come by to encourage me to come to the meetings, I refused, gave my reasons why and that was that. I found for myself, that being up-front with everyone made the transition much smoother and didn't drag the process on and on. By just getting it over I was able to get on with life. For me the direct approach worked best. One thing I didn't do, is play their game's and I didn't enter into their venue. Peace
Acadian

digglina

Thank you all for your responses. Due to family business I wasn't able to answer any sooner unfortunately.

CS101

You said you were happy with a quiet life at the moment, maybe your time hasnt come to stir things up yet?

You're probably right. I might need some more time.

Jgnat

In the meantime, she can concentrate on building new friendships and a new life for herself. Because of the recent turmoil in your life, and that you are still in the middle of rebuilding, I'd hold off on the DA. Just be more creative in expressing your independence.

Indeed also to rebuild my life. Just have to practice in creativity though.

Rebel8

I'd vote for laying low and doing whatever you want quietly until you move. If they call you to a JC, you can always hand in your DA letter before they get a chance to DA you. If they DF you without notifying you, you can always appeal on the grounds that they didn't follow the rule of notifying you of the JC.

I didn't think of that. This was very helpful, thank you.

And again, to every one else, thank you...

Digglina

I need help to clear my mind...

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