What my week brought me (page 2)

Pistoff

It's a shame we can't just love our families

Isn't it so, serendipity. We have to learn it all over again when we exit the borg.

In other words: be in the moment, and not in your mind.

Thanks JT; trying to.

JamesThomas

Thanks JT; trying to.

Well, if you can't right now, you can't. Don't kick yourself for it.

This is why it is so important to practice the art of presence everyday. Then, when the shit hits the fan, we can rely on what has become a natural way of being.

When the tension and angst is most apparent, focus attention on your breathing and the physical sensations of air passing through your nose, and the expansion and contraction of the diaphragm, etc. This simple direction of attention will bring you into the moment and out of the mind. Do it a hundred time if you need to, without judging yourself. Be assured, you have all that you need within you, already.

j

jeanniebeanz

Pistoff,

Life puzzles me at times. When I think back on how my family was, or at least how I thought it was, and compare that 'fantasy family' to the reality that one small disagreement could wreck it... I've tried to figure it out, tried to find just that right thing to say or do that would snap them out of it and make them realize how far out of orbit with reality that they are, it just ended in so much frustration and guilt... Guilt was the worst of it. It's bizaare, black is white and white is black for them. How do you reason with functionally insane people? I had to stop trying and let them go. The struggle to reach them, and make them see was just too much.

You are right though. There is so much beauty in the world that they do not see. I didn't see it either until I left their reasoning behind. It is so sad that they see and do not see.

J

outoftheorg

Sorry things are not going good for you. I recently had to take care of the funeral for my wife. I was amazed at how easily some family members would get angry.

It was as if they were looking for the opportunity to be a prick and when they did they were A PRICK.

I asked the funeral director if this is how it is with most funerals. He said almost all. Some times they take their anger out on him.

So don't expect too much kindness and caring.

If you want your daughter with you, take her. Do what ever it is that makes you feel good about YOURSELF and just ignore the trouble makers.

A funeral is for the survivors more than for the deceased. Your brother is at rest now and will not feel what is going on. Take care of your needs and do what you wish to do, that makes you feel contented and that your brother would have admired. Stick close to those who treat you well and ignore the others.

If the grief and stress is too strong or lingers too long, DO see a counselor or psych for some help.

I needed it and you may also. Set up a day by day schedule and follow it until the grief and stress slows down.

Hoping all the best for you and family.

Outoftheorg

cognizant dissident

Pistoff I'm sorry for your loss.

Your love for your brother and your family comes through loud and clear in your post. Could you plan the beautiful, loving memorial service for your brother that you want and know he would have liked? Include all the family and all you know who cared about your brother including your daughter. Then the choice is up to them whether they attend or not and just accept their choice. You will have done what is true for you in your heart.

Cog

Pistoff

A funeral is for the survivors more than for the deceased. Your brother is at rest now and will not feel what is going on.

Thanks for the reminder, out; I can't imagine what you went through with your the loss of your wife.

Include all the family and all you know who cared about your brother including your daughter

I plan to; part of me does not want the confrontation I know will come over it, but I think the time has come in the family to deal with all of us, not just those "doing well" in the truth.

Get this, all: last night I had a dream that I was on the lake but this time I had decided it was about time for it to ice over, and somehow I had the power to make it so. I was able to create inches of ice in a matter of hours, and able to walk on it. Suddenly, I was in an area of thin ice, broke through and the entire lake now was in a whirlwind of broken ice and picturesque waves. When I was about to drown, a boat idling on the shore broke free and made it's way to me, with no one at the tiller. I pulled myself onto the boat and returned to shore.

The boat belonged to an American Indian family on the shore, and was filled with their cultural icons: tobacco, jewelry, etc. They were not in the least surprised that the boat made it's way to save me.

THAT dream woke me up at 5:30 this morning.

Any ideas?

troubled mind

Sorry I don't know what your dream means ....

But if you are able to speak at the memorial for your brother you should read the beautiful post you stated in this thread . The one when you were on your porch feeling life around you . It speaks so much in so few words .

BlackPearl

You on thick stable ice = What you would like yourself to be, thick skinned, unwavering in your self assurednes of what is right and wrong, able to get through this with not much effect.

You on thin ice that eventually allows you to fall through and the ice again becomes LIQUID = You've realized that maybe you're not as tough as you thought or hoped you could be, and what you thought was a stable, sure, mental outlook is now melting away due to your grief.

The picturesque waves = An illusion that all is well, or will be well, even beautiful, when it isn't. Your mind wants to believe that all this ugliness your family has brought about, can somehow be painted over with a scenery of beauty, even in the midst of tragedy.

When you were about to drown = A rescue is at hand, just when you are about to give up all hope.

The boat from the Idian family = Made it's way to you because, deeper inside you, not like just temporary unstable surface ice, which, on the suface looks safe, could, at any moment melt, you could risk falling into the water. With the boat quickly approaching, you have hope for the future, because you SEE it coming, and you can tread water just long enough for it to get to you, you know that help is on the way. When it gets to you, you now have something to really, physically "hang onto" (the boat). Your real inner self is stronger than you think (you have to find the boat in your soul, it will be hard to find, but it's there)

You pulling yourself INTO THE BOAT = Your inner strength allows you to leave the cold dangerous water and pull yourself to safety. The boat does you no good if you can't get into it, you'll have just enough energy to pull yourself free from the dangerous water (bad things in life, memories, etc.. The good will win over the bad).

The American Indian Family = Stability. The American Indians were / have been here for several thousand years, they settled this land we call America and have lived here peacefully for thousands of years. Even through the tumult brought on them by the U.S. Army trying to, and successfully so, disrupting their way of a peaceful life. They, amongst themselves (you and those do love you-your tribe), as a peaceful people, even thrived...because of their inner peace, they did not allow the outside world to influence their peace as a people.

We love you, and maybe, somehow, we are part of that boat.

Lady Liberty

Dear Black Pearl,

I have been married to you for 21 years and never knew you could interpret dreams!?? Hmmmmm.......... maybe I will start telling you about my dreams!!

Love you,

Lady Liberty

BlackPearl

Ahhh, love you too, LL. By the way, nice legs in that avatar, a little green though.

What my week brought me

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