I work with a young woman in her mid-thirties that is openly lesbian. We have been friends for about 10 years when she first started working at the company. I was crazy about her before she came out as "gay" and I still have a good time working with her. The problem is that she is constantly talking about women in a sexual way. At first I thought she was trying to accept herself as gay when she first came out 5 years ago but now I am getting a little tired of it. Every time I see her she is talking about sleeping with this woman and going out with that woman. She is worse than some of my male co-workers talking about their sexual conquests. My friend is a very nice girl but I wonder why she feels the need to talk to me all the time about lesbianism. I am a straight man and I don't discuss my romantic life with my co-workers. Some of the female co-workers are threating to write her up to the supervisor but I don't won't my friend to get into any trouble. I have tried to tell her to tone down speech but it falls on a deaf ear. And the first thing she will shout is that co-workers are "homophobic". What should I do avoid her or try once again and talk to her?
How do I get my "lesbian" co-worker to stop discussing her lifestyle?
by booker-t 26 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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darkuncle29
Sounds to me like she is over compensating for some reason to seek external validation, and you're right, she doesn't want to hear "Tone it down" and if she does, she''ll just yell "Homophobe". I don't know how to get through to her, good luck. Maybe she needs to get in trouble to learn from it?
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jeanniebeanz
"Terry, you and I have been friends for XX years now, and I have always supported you in your decisions and choice of lifestyle. But, I have to tell you that lately all you want to do is talk about sex. It offends me and is embarrasing, especially at work where that kind of conversation is inappropriate and unprofessional. You need to stop, and if you do not, you need to stop talking to me. I can't deal with it anymore and don't think that my co-workers should have to listen to you tell stories of your sexual escapades either."
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darkuncle29
jeanniebeanz, that would take huevos, but I like the deliberate quality of your statement. And then, if she still didn't get it...
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Highlander
If a man were to talk so openly about sexual matters there is a huge risk of a complaint of sexual harrassment being made against him. Women should have the same consequences.
I would tell her only once to stop talking about such inappropriate things, and if she continues,, then report her to your HR department or supervisors.
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parakeet
I've found that simply saying "too much information!" with a smile is effective in stopping an explicit narrative.
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Swan
What Jeannie said is good. I would also add that there is a fine line she is walking at work, where she needs to act professionally. She may feel that her co-workers are being homophobic, but what she is doing is a form of sexual harassment, and if she doesn't stop, she could be fired for just cause, just like any straight person who goes on and on about his or her love-life in the workplace.
However, be careful of the can of worms you may be opening. Depending on local laws, union contracts, and company policies, if told she must curtail her talk about her relationships, then she has the right to complain if her straight co-workers talk about their wives, their girlfriends, their boyfriends, dating, etc. It becomes a two-way street that all in the workplace must navigate carefully on.
Tammy
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sass_my_frass
Yeah it's tough, especially when she's a good friend, and still finding her way. Still, sexual harassment laws are to protect everybody against anything they consider harassment, and she needs to know that not everybody is comfortable with what she says.
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Hellrider
If she goes into great detail about what she`d like to do with some woman, then you tell her what YOU`D like to do to that same woman...I doub`t she`d like to hear details about sexual activity involving a big, hard penis...
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PopeOfEruke
The other side of the coin is : HEY sit back, listen and ENJOY! Some people pay money to hear that stuff! You're a lucky dude!
Pope