Well, it is my understanding that if your JW spouse chooses to forgive you that it does not make you free to remarry. For example, I knew a guy whose wife divorced him. But neither had committed the deed. Fast forward 5 years chick confesses that she cheated. The elders go to ex hubby to advise that he is scriptually free but because he is crazy JW guy, he tells the elders he FORGIVES HER. The elders go back and tell her that she is not free to remarry, but rather should think of reconciling w/ ex-JW hubby. She left everyone and everything behind!
Scripturally Free to Remarry?
by limbogirl 22 Replies latest jw friends
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jwcol
I wonder if there are hard and fast rules.
A girl I know left her husband and was going to divorce him. He was very abusive. Before the divorce was final, she got involved with someone relatively unexpectedly and got involved in a matter that she went to the elders about. She had such an empty marriage and abusive marriage that she fell into it. Anyway, when she went to the elders, they publicly reproved her, but told her that she had to tell her husband what happened and she had to do it before he signed the divorce papers. If he signed the paperwork, he would be "stating" that he didn't forgive her and she would be scripturally free. He didn't realize that. She told him, and later, at the hearing, he signed the divorce papers. Then he talked to his elders and they told him what he had done. He has now been calling her telling her he DOES forgive her and she has to come back to him. But now, she's scripturally free and so is he since they are now divorced. He just wants her back so she can support him...he didn't work a day in the 10 years they were married...lazy, alcoholic, abusive jerk.
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
I think the Hoho belief is that 'forgiveness' of an adulterous mate was expressed/proven with sex, that once the married couple did it after finding out about the adultery, that meant complete forgiveness. To me, even when I was younger and a staunch Hoho, this 'scriptural' divorce thing has always been one of the screwiest rules, and the gb all have some serious issues with sex.
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jwfacts
She is free to remarry. However this will lead to her being disfellowshipped. Even if she claims repentance the elders will almost certainly disfellowship her. The first person to have sex after a marriage breakup is almost always looked upon as having calculated the act to be free of the marriage bonds.
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jgnat
Yes, I'm sure that's what Jesus had in mind..... Sleep with someone else so you are no longer chained to someone you despise.
In a soft-hearted world, nobody would be abused. Is there anything in this passage that suggests tolerating a miserable marriage? Jesus wasn't about tolerance, or "putting up" with bad behaviour, he was all about the excellence of love - on both sides - overcoming all obstacles. Since there still exist some heard-hearted jerks in this world, we need the exit of divorce.
Matthew 19
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
4 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' [a] 5 and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' [b] ? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
7 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
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limbogirl
I cannot believe the logic used in this situation!! (or lack thereof) Let me also add that she married a non-dub who doesn't care at all about the dub nonsense. They divorced and haven't spoken since so there is no forgiveness or non-forgiveness involved. She was divorced when she did the deed that has now apparently made her scripturally free to remarry. So, she gets a divorce from a non-dub. Several months after divorce is final she sleeps with a non-dub and is publicly reproved. And now, she's scripturally free to remarry? How can anyone take this crap seriously -- it's ludicrous. In my opinion, the only one who is scripturally free to remarry (if you believe in such nonsense) is the ex-husb. Oh, did I mention that this whole thing came up because after not going to meetings for two years she decided to go to the DA -- and met a woman (sister) who is trying to marry off her divorced son and after confirming with my friend that she is scripturally free gave the son her phone number and within 24 hours he called and they had a first date...chaperoned of course by the parents. I laughed out loud when she told me this considering they are both in their 40's. Was I really a believer in this sh*t at one point??!?!?!?!
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ocsrf
This rule is so rediculous it is beyond belief. I know of people who have had great reasons for getting divorced by anyone's standards but the JWs and have had remain single for years, often times giving up the best chance they have for remarriage.
OC
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
And let's not forget that some reasoned that 'committing adultery with her in your heart' could also make you free scripturally. . .A scriptural divorce that's all in your head. Lust not!!
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JK666
She most likely is free to remarry under the JDub rules. The only exception would be if the ex-husband did not want the divorce, and was willing to forgive her for the adultery. Odds are that he would not want to do this, so free she would be. She might or might not get DF'd. If she batted her eyes enough at the comittee, and said it was in a moment of weakness, or that she had a glass of wine and one thing lead to another, etcetera; she might get off the hook. The thing that really stinks about their rules is that you definitely would get DF'd if you got married to someone without fornicating first, because it would be premeditated. IS something wrong with this picture? JK
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K-Dub
I cheated on my wife, but she stayed with me. We eventually got divorced, but since she took me back after the cheating, she said she wouldn't be scripturally free to remarry until I had sex with someone else. And, she needed me to sign some sort of statement to that effect for the elders. I told her it was the most asinine thing I'd ever heard, but just type up whatever she needed and I'd sign it. Thank god I'm away from that insanity.