inactive for 5 months...confused!

babyboo

Hi everyone, I'm new here. A little about me: I'm a 17 yr old femme-I'll be 18 the 30th of this month. And yes, I'm going to celebrate it. I haven't celebrated it since I was 6. I have 2 older sisters, an older brother, and a younger brother. My little brother got baptized last yr-but my older siblings aren't JW's.
Here's my story, PLEASE READ IT-I have q's that I need answered!
I moved out of my dad and stepmoms' house on the west coast about 5 months ago. I'm now living with my older sister and her family in MI. They aren't witnesses, but my sister used to study-however, my so-called "parents" ARE JW's.
I was raised in the truth since I was 7 and I was baptized last yr in July. I moved out of my parents house in the middle of the night in April. My brother bought me a plane ticket, after what had happened at my house. I had told my parents something that happened to me when I was younger. It was so hard for me to tell them, that I had my older sis fly in from out of state, to help me tell them. Their first reaction was to be sympathetic. But about 2 wks later, my stepmom told me to my face that I was a liar, and she was kicking my ass out when I turn 18. My dad never did anything about it. So I decided to leave. My stepmom never liked me or my sister Julie. We all think my stepmom literally has a mental problem-for various reasons I wont even begin to tell u about...
Anyways, the morning after I left, my sis called my parents house. My stepmom answered, and when she went in my room her reaction was, "oh, yep, she's gone" And let me tell u-all of my bro's and sis have moved out b4 they were 18. I was actually the one who stayed the longest.
So, after I moved, my dad called me once, and that was to see what I wanted from my old room. About a month ago my real mom died. I didn't really know her-Last time I saw her I was 10. So I went to her funeral-it was open casket. She was an alcoholic and used drugs, so seeing her the way she was, was really hard on me. All my dad did was send a sympathy card. I have no intention or desire to talk to that man. He's pissed me off so bad. He hasn't called any of his children since I've moved. I DO NOT consider them Christians.
Only 2 of my JW friends have continued to talk to me. That's b/c they know the real story and saw how things went on in my house. The others can't talk to me b/c their parents told them they can't, and b/c they obviously don't give a damn. Everyone in my old congregation has ridiculed me b/c they hear what my parents have told them. Which is untrue and inaccurate.
I believe that there is no ONE religion. It's your heart condition that counts. All I want, is Jehovah to know that I love him and to know what's in my heart. I believe in alot of what the witnesses teach, but I hate how they "act". They all lead double lives-no matter what they claim. I have seen it firsthand-in my family as well as in the congregations. And what's with this shunning? I'm not even disfellowshipped-I thought this was the time where they embrace fellow JW's and encourage them-not shun them away. That makes me so mad. Everytime I talk to another witness, their like, "that's not how it's supposed to be" well guess what? It IS like that, and I'm sick of it.
So why do I have the urge to go back to the KH?? I want to go for the meetings. I don't want to talk to anyone-I don't want their questions. I'm thinking about just going, sitting in the back, and leaving right after. Bbut Ii'm very confused right now, and am in need of others views. Are there any JW's that I can talk to on here??
Thanks for taking the time out to read this. I didn't write this so people to feel sorry for me, but to give you all some insight...Peace EZ

Introspection

Hi Babyboo,

Technically I'm also inactive, I was never disfellowshipped nor did I disassociate myself, I just left. There is this one guy who's an active witness that I still talk to. But frankly, I have no desire to go back to meetings. I'd imagine that after going for years you'd miss it, but if they people are like that what kind of encouragement can you hope to gain? I was one of those people that never missed a meeting for years, but it took a matter of a couple months for me to stop going. I just couldn't stand being around people with that kind of mindset anymore. Contrary to what they say, many who leave still have a spiritual interest. Hang around for a while, I'm sure you can find people here who are encouraging.

larc

babyboo,

You said something bad happened to you when you were younger, but you did not say what was. If it was sex abuse, I suggest that you go to the bottom of this page to SilentLambs and click it on. You will find a lot of information and comfort there.

Also, you did not say why your siblings left. If you can explain more, maybe we can give some suggestions. Since you are in Michigan with your sister, I would suggest that you spend time with her and her friends, and leave the rest of your family behind you for awhile so you have a chance to recover from a very emotional experience.

Please share more with us. You will find many loving people here.

cornish

Babyboo

Hi
Are you the same Babyboo who I have met in the Awoke! former JW's room on Paltalk chat, If so Hi nice to meet you here as well,either way thanks for sharing your heart,I think where you have a religion with double standards and doubletalk which uses two different sorts of weights,then the rank and file follow the lead and hence the double standard hypocrisy you witnessed among the witnesses and we all have witnessed.

babyboo

hello Larc. Yes u are right-I was sexually molested by my stepbrother. My stepmoms' son-that is why she didn't believe me...he was about 17 when he did it, I was 7. He molested me until I was about 11. He was also supposed to be a witness. I don't like telling people that b/c they start thinking alot of JW's are bad-which isn't true. He's gotten in trouble for something else last yr and was DF'd, but got reinstated. Now he knows that I told on him. All of my siblings want to kill him. And just recently, his wife (my step sis-in-law) called me and started talking about us working things out so we could be a family. No way in hell is that going to happen.
Anyways, I was really depressed-went on anti-depressants for it. I also started cutting myself, but my boyfriend at the time found out, and I stopped. I had also started throwing things up after I had eaten. But I've worked that out now. I felt very used, betrayed, and worthless.
Now I'm just trying to deal with everything-the fact that I have parents that don't want anything to do with me, my religion, and now I'm trying to get my GED, b/c I had pulled out of school. I'm just thankful that I had my brothers and sister around to help me. Otherwise I more than likely wouldn't be here today.
Thank you for your understanding, u along with everyone else have really made me feel welcome. It's almost like recovery group sessions...hehe

babyboo

BTW-my big brother was kicked out b/c of our stepmom also. For dumb reasons, one was b/c he smoked...she got in his face about it, so he said screw it and left. She was psychotic (did I spell that correctly?)
My 2 sisters moved out b4 they lived with my dad and stepmom. Our mom was an alcoholic and would leave us everywhere..at bars, inside cars...etc. My mom tried killing my sister by choking her on my bed on night. My sisters just got fed up with it and couldn't deal with her anymore. They had to take my dad off to the side and tell him what was going on b/c he was divorced to her and didn't know what was happening.
To Cornish-no I'm sorry, I'm not the same person whom u talked with b4.
Buh-Bye 4 now

Farkel

babyboo,

: Here's my story, PLEASE READ IT-I have q's that I need answered!

The only genuine question that I saw was when you asked if there were JWs you could talk to here. Given what you've told us about your JW family, one has to wonder why you would want to talk to JWs about anything.

Farkel

"When in doubt, duck!"

babyboo

Farkel...I do have some questions, but I asked if there were any JW's on here so that I COULD talk to them and ask them. I'm looking for at least some encouragement. I know that I myself being a witness and knowing many people also in this religion who ARE actually genuine, maybe I could talk to some of them. Not all of them are like my family...and every religion has people like that. Thank you for replying.
~babyboo

dungbeetle

<"So why do I have the urge to go back to the KH?? ">

It's called the Stockholm Syndrome dear. Get yourself some counseling with someone who is trained in cult mind control, if you can't find anything else that helps you.

Anytime we are attracted back to something/someone who has been abusive to us, we need to get some answers and some help. Tere are lots of places and ways to get it, just GET IT!!!

The life you save may be your own.

Best wishes...

dungbeetle...cleaning up the crap.

Preston

Hi babyboo, I know the purpose of your e-mail isn't to get some kind of cheap sympathy, but I can also side with Introspection when I say that I know exactly how you feel, Like Intro, I'm not disfellowshipped or disassociated, I just didn't feel happy going to meetings anymore. It took me a while to separate myself completely until I never wanted to go again. But it is true, it does take a while to get out of this whole routine of attending 5 meetings a week, and for a while, you may miss the whole continuity of holding onto something at the meetings. But, like you, I have not received the encouragement you so desperately need. Right now, you have been let down by a lot of people and you need to build a support group of friends that will love you no matter what. There are a lot of nice JW's, but, for me, that is what a congregation should do. In the meantime, that will serve as your own congregation. I honestly hope things will turn out well for you, despite what has happpened, and I will try to be a good listener (and friend) if you decide to keep in contact with us.

Many hugs,

Preston (inactive 8 months, and progressively getting less confused)

inactive for 5 months...confused!

Share this