by Sparkplug 22 Replies latest jw friends
Sparkplug,
re steroids - better believe it. Mrs HAL has steroid resistant asthma which means that she takes 70 mg Prednisolone a day.
Sorry to hear that you are on them, but they can help despite the side effects.
Worst for Mrs HAL was munchies - one day went to Yum Cha (Chinese Lunch) & ate $70 worth. The usual was $30.
All the best - life can be a real bitch at times, but when the sun comes out, it's worth it.
h9k
Why thank you hal. I have not seen you for a while.
" I see that my roommates car is broken, we will make it through this mess and I see a love from him that I am not able to emulate right now. I see his still caring for his girlfriend and still being my friend despite things I have done in the past that I should be shot for. "
baby, i will ALWAYS be there for ya!
-tiger
((((((sparkplug)))))))))
Sorry you've had so much to deal with. The wisest thing you are doing right now is being present through the pain of all of it. Dissecting it, looking at it, reflecting on it, and finding that you can learn and grow from it.
You go girl! Players are ugly if they are men or women! Glad you found out the truth about this person before it was worse.
Sherry
Dear Ms. Spark...You mentioned feeling "self-righteous". Oh my dear girl. You are so far, far from being self-righteous it's not even a close call. I hope things get better and your health improves. Something tells me you'll never lose that "Spark" of yours! Big hug...mumsy P.S. Here are some lyrics that made me think of you when you spoke of "fighting".
"Fight Song" by Scott Sapp
Sometimes it starts with a silent curse
Sometimes it doesn't waste time
You still think I look upon this with hatred in my mind
I won't lie
It took some time
But I know one thing
It took me away from!
All the things love gave me
So I had to let things go!
I can go another round despite you. I'm still healing
No I'm not reeling
Yes I'm feeling
This is my fight song
Now I'm left with a scar to reverse.
Yes another burden to fight
I guess I made it this far so I know things will be alright I won't lie I will survive
I'm still healing
No I'm not reeling
Yes I'm feeling
This is my fight song
But I know one thing
It takes me away from
All the things love gave me
So I had to let things go!
It's so hard to forget
But I must let go...and begin
To live again
and not give in
I figured out
I will land on solid ground
I will land on solid ground
I will go another round
I can go another round despite you.
I'm still healing
No I'm not reeling
Yes I'm feeling
This is my fight song!
((( Decki )))
Like I said, it sucks, but I know I am learning and for everything I learn, I see the difference between me and people that are stuck in behavior patterns.
What an admirable attitude!
Hey Gretchen! thanks for the words. I am the biggest person for messing up. I really can make mistakes and often find myself, much to my embarrasment, making the same mistake twice. But what can I say. I keep learning and well as Dori in the kid show sings...Just keep swimming...just keep swimming!
Mumsy. I really like the words to your song. I think I need to look it up so that I can hear it. I thank you for the note of reassurance that I am not being self rightious. I was purely trying to be honest. I think that the world needs a lot more of it and well sometimes throwing our own pitiful self out there can be wuite a hard thing to do. I remember as a witness I was not allowed to be human. to hurt, to be angry, and I even had to sit through someone I thought I was head over heals at the time marry a pioneer two months after dating me for a couple years. I stayed so quiet and now I am so mad at myself. I was done really wrong then and all the brothers said is for us not to bring shame on Jehovah! The nerve. You cannot even grieve without being in the wrong.
So patience that you all express for my mere human tendancies is appreciated. I think I just love you. there are so many people here that I wish lived so closer. I want to say that being a jw is such a close world. But so to and so much more is being an ex JW. Except that most exjw's know they are imperfect and that we all make mistakes. I have watched people I know that are gay and I wonder why I like them so much. I think it is because they have gone through what a lot of us exjw's have. The feelings and emotions and losses and gifts we gain by our new freedom and I think that is why we can relate to so well.
Serendipity-
I guess I should have said that I, "even though I still make mistakes and still fall into old patterns" that I still try to learn from them and need not try to hide my stupidity, or the fact that I try to hide my own feelings from myself at time. It is an awareness of how small I am in the world, how human I am and how much I need to learn. Someone just told me in anger that I need to learn that the world does not revolve around me or that I am not the most important thing in the world. the funny thing to me is that I am so painfully aware of this. I know that I am not everyones main concern and I know that it is by sheer luck or another person that has been through one or another thing I have that I make a new friend or a new love etc. So with that said, I guess I just wanted to make sure you were complimenting the right thing. I just hate it when I find out that something I thought I had learned and faced still has yet another lesson to teach me. I guess this is why we say old people are so smart. they have had solong to learn the same lessons over and over and when they think they know it all...they learn more.
I cannot imagine, or maybe I can see how someone raised in the oldeer world has had to adapt and learn from the changing times. I have a friend that was raised so racist. He has friends of all kinds, but at times his hillbilly redneck just shows. We were talking about how he told his grandchild that he is just a human learning each day and that if he seems racist he is sorry. Why just from knowing me he has overcome racist things he felt and through my friendship has come to appreciate people we know that he may have viewed as an abomination before. (did I spell that wrong?) Anyhow, this is just a few paragraphs of thought.
I am still racing on these steroids and will have to take a sleeping tylenol or benadryle as the doc said to sleep tonight. I need not give myself a migraine as I did today again. This has been a month of growth and as mad as it makes me...I will have to keep learning. And as I said earlier, it feels so good to be alive...even if it is full of lessons I want to avoid. Yeah these eyes are painfully aware that it is not all about me and I can be so damn silly and human and I am sure it is not the last time this happens.
Sparky, I have to hit the sack early, but sometime will tell you some of my stories. That will make you feel better. I could write a book, have some doozies. Hope you sleep tonight. Okie
Life continues to be a learning experience. I have been through (extended) family ructions over the past month or so through people deliberately miscommunicating - taking the approach in an argument "I'll see you and raise you" without worrying too much about the consequences or the truth of what is said. While trying to sort out the combatants (all adult, youngest 40, oldest 75) I realised that this "see you and raise you" had happened in my own relationship.
Maybe I'm a slow learner, but I have learnt something that now helps me understand more about my wife and how to react in an argument.
Don't know if this makes particualr sense, as I have left out a lot of the details.
Sparkplug, hope you can get some sleep - steriods are a bastard when it comes to side effects - I have experienced many sleepless nights from Mrs HAL on steroids - can't help you with medication as the more medicines you take the more problems you seem to get. But massage seems to be a help.....
h9k
Oakie, Several people here have had the idea of a photo book that allows for a photo that shows the personality of each exjw and lets them tell a story of the lives they have lived. I think you should allow me to start on this with you and a photo shoot and a story that is dear for you to sahre. What do you think? I know Six of 9 was thinking of it, so was billygoat and so have I been thinking on this. I am ready to start. What do you say?
