Major Organization Announcement In October

Arthur

Okay folks,

I don't know about you, but I am getting a little tired of all of the threads that speculate what the "major announcement" is going to be. So, I figured we could have some fun with this one. Why don't we all tap into our "inner smartass" and make up an announcement.

Here are my top 5 guesses as to what the announcement will be:

1) Ted Jaracz has been disfellowshipped for having had a secret love affair with Leo Greenless.

2) The King of the North has now been identified as Iceland.

3) There will be 4,371 changes made to the New World Translation. All of the new verses will be printed in a special 150 page Kingdom Ministry.

4) The 2007 Convention theme will be: Deliverance - Much Closer at Hand.

5) Oral sex between married couples is now allowed, but the wife must wear a head covering.

What are your guesses?

Gill

Arthur!! You're funny!

There will be a 'Pay as you Go' system introduced at the KH and BS's.

All publications have to be eaten after they've been read to make sure there is no incriminating evidence....or wait...maybe all publications will automatically self destruct after one year, so as not to leave any incriminating evidence.

Nathan Natas

Arthur, VERY GOOD! I can see that sometimes you just think funny things. ROFL!

Item #1 invites deeper theological debate:

1) Ted Jaracz has been disfellowshipped for having had a secret love affair with Leo Greenless.

Brother Greenlees is now dead, correct?

Did Israel, the ancient type of the WTB&TS, have any restrictions about necrophilia?

Would a dedicated Christian abstain from sexual relations with a corpse or skeleton?

What if that corpse or skeleton consented to such a relationship?

Is the corpse or skeleton obliged to scream if such sexual intimacies are not consented to?

Being that death is the price to be paid for sin, would not a corpse or skeleton be scripturally free to pursue a licentious and hedonistic "lifestyle" without consequence in the eyes of the Universal Sovreign?

Happy Halloween to Ted and all the other necrophiliacs in Brooklyn Bethel! BOOGA-BOOGA, BABY!

Arthur

Brother Greenlees is now dead, correct?
Did Israel, the ancient type of the WTB&TS, have any restrictions about necrophilia?
Would a dedicated Christian abstain from sexual relations with a corpse or skeleton?
What if that corpse or skeleton consented to such a relationship?

I obviously meant it in past tense when Greenless and Jaracz served at the same time in Brooklyn; and that Jaracz had kept it secret all of these years.

Elsewhere

I already posted about this...

The change will be:

In ALL KINGDOM HALLS and the homes of ALL JEHOVER'S WITNESSES the toilet paper rolls will now be placed so the paper unrolls backwards from the bottom instead of forward from the top. The Governing Body realized that most worldly people place the toilet paper roll so the paper unrolls forward from the top and and therefor this change is being enacted because the Governing Body wants Jehover's Witnesses to be "No part of this world".

Seriously, I think that if they were going to change anything it would be the restriction of using blood for medical uses. I have noticed in recent years that the WTS has been referring to "the misuse of blood" instead of explicitly referring to "blood transfusions". I think this ambiguity was added to literature in anticipation of a change of the blood doctrine, that way they would not have to reprint all of their recent publications. They will also be able to say: "Look at all of the recent publications! This New Light (TM) has been there all a long but no one noticed! Isn't Jehover's Organization Grand!!!! ".

juni

Good ones Arthur!!

I especially liked the one about the sister having to wear a head covering! I wonder if a sheet or blanket would be acceptable.

How about: Sisters have to walk 2 steps behind their husbands at all times.

Sisters have to report a minimum of 15 hours of field service a month.

There now will be six meetings a week - a one hour discussion on how to OBEY COMPLETELY.

Juni

iamfreenow

There now will be six meetings a week - a one hour discussion on how to OBEY COMPLETELY.

Juni, the elders in my kh would probably love to have a meeting with that as the topic!

LDH

I think this is a great idea simply because of the "Love/Hate" relationship JWs have with October.....

They remind me of that movie Lion King ....

"Mufasa" <<Hyena shudders uncontrollably>> "Say it again!"

troubled mind

The Brothers now humbly admit they have screwed everything up and to rectify matters have appointed Sisters to takeover . Blondie will be co- president with Leolia (sp?whatever you know who I mean ) I will be the U.S. overseer and Juni will be Secretary of complaints . Don't worry we will have this mess straightened out with in six months . You will be so much happier in OUR spiritual Paradise . The only males in power positions will be Open Fire Glass - Entertainment chairman .... and Dansk - moderator of OFG just cause he is so nice to Claire and we like him .

happy man

It is about a new trakt where we say the end is near fore fals religion, aspecially beacuse they have hide sex abusers , at least this is what I heard, this kampain is fore one month, and no other service is aloed, only go out twidh this kingdom news trakt, perhaps they think this will send hate to JWs, so the can say the end is realy here .

love HM

Major Organization Announcement In October

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