Personally I never felt good enough even when I was pioneering, so even if I went back my chances of not being destroyed were slim.
BINGO! You got it in one Katie. I too felt that way the ENTIRE time I was pioneering and at Bethel... I would pray until I was sobbing to Jehovah to NOT make me Gay... to take this evil thing out of me... and why was I so unfairly chosen by Satan to have these homosexual "urges"? Why could I not be straight? Why was my earthly test so much harder than Joe Bloggs? Why was it I could not simply get married and satisfy my "urges"? Why could I not be like those brothers I read about in the Awake magazine who were once Gay and are now happilly married to sisters? THANK GOD I was gay because it FORCED me to face up to the shit that life can throw at you at a much younger age than my friends and made me a stronger better person for it! And it forced me to leave the borg and TRULY see the light... I shudder to think were I would be now if I had been born straight... perhaps married to some fat pioneer sister desperately unhappy trying to make Jehovah happy....