need advice on this

BlackSwan of Memphis

Ok so this is the scenario:

Yesterday my husband was jogging along the road. My brother stops him.

My brother who hasn't had contact with us since he hung up on me last November.

This is the gist of what got said:

a) I knew what I was getting myself into when I got baptized at 14.

b) His beliefs on the bible are that he can't talk to me or see me.

c) Apparently, my sister had another breakdown since last November. This isn't too surprising. One thing I haven't talked about Online, is that she was molested by our dad. My brother and my other sister and my mom found out while I was still quite young and my sister was probably a teenager. As you might have guessed, no one did anything about it. The extent of it was my brother asking my dad if he did it and when my dad swore he didn't (like he's going to confess?) the matter was pretty much dropped. Since then my sister has had many of the problems that come of being molested. None of which I feel at liberty to go into any depth on. But as I said, I am not surprised about the break down. I am sure that I didn't help the situation by da'ing. She was actually the biggest reason I had been sticking around the 'truth' for as long as I did. I think she's doing ok right now. She's pregnant and doing ok. My concern is post partem.

d) He offered for me to send him my email so that he could contact me if something is wrong. Ie a death in the family or whatnot. My husband was pretty pissed off that we didn't know about my sister and my brother agreed that we should know this stuff.

My beef is this: He know's where I live, they have my husband's cell phone. There is no reason that someone couldn't have told me this stuff in some way some months ago.

Ok, the next part is this; While my siblings are shunning me completley, I have a little confidence that if I wanted to bad enough, I could get my mom to talk to me. That being said that could very well end up in problems that I'm much happier without. Now, even then, I might be underestimating my mom.

Question is this: Especially in light of my sister do I swallow the anger and give my email address to my brother and/or basically TRY to make nice with my mom (risking her temper which yes, can be quite bad) to keep tabs on the family, even though that family will have nothing to do with me.

Or do I let it go and let them be and go on with my life? Also, do I take the time to address the points or issues my brother raised?

(hope this makes sense if clarification is needed just ask)

AuldSoul

BSoM,

I wouldn't dare choose for you in this matter. There is only one person who has to live with the outcome of any choice you make. Others will make their choices, too, but usually in response to your choices.

I would say the balancing point issues have been expressed by you already, so all that is left is determining whether you believe the stress bill for one choice is higher than for the other choice, and determining which bill you believe you can pay while keeping yourself balanced.

I hope this helps.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

Dismembered

Question BlackSwan,

Is your sister who was molested by dad a JW? Is mom a JW? Is dad a JW?

Dismembered

unique1

I say give him your email address and go on your merry way, especially if you are happier that way. My parents not speaking to me has actually been a blessing in disguise.

freedomloverr

BSofM -

I agree with Auldsoul. No one here can give you a definite answer for these things. These fall under the "grey areas" that all of us as ex-jws with family still in have to deal with.

I read something yesterday that really helped me and it may be a way for you to sort this stuff out. This article talked about how there was 3 questions you can ask yourself in any given situation and it usually helps you sort things out. It's called the 10-10-10 rule.....it goes like this.

1. How is this decision going to affect me in the next 10 minutes?

2. How is this decision going to affect me in the next 10 months?

3. How is this decision going to affect me in the next 10 years?

love to you sweety.

BlackSwan of Memphis

Dismembered: My entire family for the most part are jw's. Dad is deceased. Dad was a jw, albeit, not one to make most meetings.

Auldsoul: aaagh. I don't know myself. Part of me thinks maybe it's better if I just let it go. Maybe it would be better for everyone involved if I completely let it go. I don't want the stress in my life or in my kids life. But I want to be there for my sister.

Unique1: You said it well. In fact, my husband just got back from jogging this morning (yeah, he's a daily runner) and he's ready to wash his hands of the family. He got to say what he needed to say, but he's glad to be rid of the stress. Our lives are more peaceful.

I just think though, maybe I am doing the wrong thing. I mean, no one is perfect. I'm not perfect. In relationships of all kinds we accept the people we care about for who they are, right? How far does that extend? I'm trying to figure out where the line has to be drawn.

FreedomLoverr: I think you make a great point about the 10 10 10 rule.

thx for the replies you guys! this has just really stumped me. I know that I don't want to do anything until I have really thought it out. I just don't know which we to go with this.

Dismembered

Greetings again BlackSwan of Memphis,

Some in our family are still JW's. They've been aware that we started our fade about 2000. Although I was not "announced" until recently, they played the we're keeping away from you game. You "spiritually diseased little prick". So be it.(The real reasons is they're jealous) The conclusion I've come to in all of this, is that I've decided to shun them. They are not allowed to our house, nor will they ever be invited.

In my observations they're just a bunch of unhappy fakers, who cannot come to grips with the fact (as so many have done here) that they've been hood-wanked by the failed, ever changing, revsionists policys of watchtower. Pride, social retardation, plain stupidity, failure in knowing what moves to make now, or where to turn to is what keeps them going, to those ever boring, re-hashed, same shit different day meetings. They are not fooling me one iota. None of the children that, including mine, who had that watchtower bullshit forced down their throats wants anything to do with it. For that I'm thankful!. I can only hope the trend with the younger ones continues. No new members, then there can be no cult.

So BlackSwan of Memphis, you have to decide what is best for you. It sounds like you already have and I wish the best for you.

My 2cents

Dismembered

PeachRose

Kill them with kindness. I say give them your e-mail address and let them make the next move. By doing this you are letting them know you care. It will show them that ex-JW's don't "become worse" once they leave the "truth" and it's their actions, by shunning you, that are wrong. Was your father a JW? I hope this helps - in the end it will be your decision and you should do what you feel comfortable with. Best of luck.

lonelysheep

In relationships of all kinds we accept the people we care about for who they are, right? How far does that extend? I'm trying to figure out where the line has to be drawn.

This is tough, and my heart goes out to you. Don't force yourself to make a decision on this right away; it can take a long time. You can be there for your sister (since they know how to contact you) now and decide how to handle the rest of the family in time. That line will be drawn after a lot of thought.

Star Moore

Hi dear one..

I like Unique's advice:

I say give him your email address and go on your merry way, especially if you are happier that way. My parents not speaking to me has actually been a blessing in disguise.

But then again...You have to go where the spirit leads you... And Auld Soul is right.. It's your call.. and you have to do what you can take or can't take.. But, Jesus' advice.. about turning the other cheek.. is good. We don't want them to somehow turn it around that, we were the mean ones..

need advice on this

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