The last 10 years of my life have been not the greatest to say the least. My mother became a JW when I was about 5 yrs. old and then of course, she made us kids go to the KH with her. Dad didn't oppose her and then he became a JW in 1997. I have a brother who is no longer a JW, and hasn't been for many years. I have a sister whom I don't speak to anymore who is married to an elder and she herself is a pioneer. She thinks she's better than everyone else in the family, including our parents. Although I love my parents, I know my mom still thinks there is hope for me coming back to the "truth", but I also think deep down she knows it won't happen. Right now I can't tell her that it definately won't happen, but that I still do have love for god.
So I was married for 9 years to a man who didn't really love me the way a husband should love his wife, and I guess I also felt the same way. We finally ended the marriage, which was for the best, in April this year. I am much happier now and I can only hope that he will be happy also. I used to hate him for what he did to me, but I guess I've grown over the past several months because I no longer want him to be miserable.
Now I'm hoping to find love again, but this time, take my time in getting to know someone better than I did with my ex and not settle for someone who truly isn't the best compliment to me.
I only got through this whole thing because of friends like Schne_belly and others I work with...and my kitty too, who is going to be 17 years old at the end of this month.
I've done things the past several months I never would have done before because of the guilt I would have felt, but now I know I have nothing to feel guilty about. I recently went to a 9/11 candlelight vigil which was really cool. And I didn't withold myself from "trying" to enjoy my birthday in August.
I'm still trying to figure things out for myself and not just go along with what anyone else thinks because I feel we all need to make up our own minds on whatever situation we are in. I'm always wanting to meet new people and develop new friends and lasting relationships with people I can truly count and depend on to be considered "true friends". That's what I'm hoping to gain from this. I have friends that have been on here for awhile now and have been to a couple of ABC fests which they tell me have been really nice.
I never liked the way I felt after a meeting or convention, but I like the way I feel now. I like me a lot more too....