What advice would you give newbies?

by BlackSwan of Memphis 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  BlackSwan of Memphis

  Ok well, I started thinking...

  When I was new here I made a lot of mistakes. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

  In fact, I think I'll got out on a limb and say, I still make mistakes .

  One of the things I wish I would have 'known' then was there are so many personalities on discussion boards, let alone one where there are alot of injured souls and alot of questioning people, that it helps to be forgiving and understanding. People that sometimes rub us the wrong way might have a story to tell if we are willing to hear the story and not judge the words. Now I'm NOT patting myself on the back and am saying that I have perfected this art.Instead, reading the posts of others who have been here alot longer then I have, has taught me to work on this. I know that I've alot more to work on and learn. Still there are things I've learned along the way and this is one of them.

  Is there any advice that you would give a newbie to our little db home?
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  BlackSwan of Memphis

  Either no one has any advice or they do and they just don't wanna post it or this is a dumb thread or ....

  I suppose I could go on with scenarios.

  Was just hoping to get some advice for newcomers.
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  greendawn

  If you get an idea about a new topic that you can start write it down in case you forget it, many a time I thought about some nice topic and intended to start it but then forgot it.
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  OpenFireGlass

  Is there any advice that you would give a newbie to our little db home?

  Read, read, read, read, post, read, post, & read some more....

  Oh yeah, and don't be afraid to be yourself....

  PEACE, Mike
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  Sad emo

  If this is the first experience of a discussion board:

  1. Sit back and read for a while before starting to reply, this way you'll get a 'feel' for other poster's personalities.

  2. Be prepared to get flamed ('shouted down'!) - and when you do, don't take it too personally
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  Lady Lee

  Learn to trust yourself.

  That's a hard one because the WTS has methodically taught you to trust only them and that your instincts are untrustworthy. If you came from an abusive family they too will have taught you to ignore that voice.

  Life teaches us many things and those gut feelings are nudges or a kick in the pants when we need to wake up to potential physical or emotional danger. They are there for a reason and we need to stop and really listen. Not with the head that is filled with WT teachings. Not the heart because it really can be treacherous. But the gut, from the belly, from so deep down inside we have to become deaf to stop the screaming vioce inside.

  Just stop. Listen. Really listen. NO "Yea but..." Just listen inside.

  If you suffer from a lot of stress-related health problems then it may take longer to hear the vioce but it is there.

  And once you begin to listen don't stop. Follow the voice inside.

  I think that when we do this the question "Where shall we go?" will be answered
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  jgnat

  Well, outside the board where real life happens, I'd advise a newly exited JW to join a club and make some new friends. People are not meant to be shunned. The discussion board helps, but is not a substitute for living, breathing human beings.

  Second, I'd advise them to take their time replacing their belief system. It's shaky ground not knowing which way is up any more, but to prematurely fill it with somethign else can cut off growth and development. Sit back, read, read, and listen. You don't even have to read religious-based literature. Any book will do. Learn to live with uncertainty. It gives you great strength, and you will never be shaken again.

  Like the parable of the Oak and the Reed

  http://www.pacificnet.net/~johnr/cgi/aesop1.cgi?jdlf&i22ms
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  skeptic2

  Learn to live with uncertainty. It gives you great strength, and you will never be shaken again.

  
  I like that jgnat, that's gonna be my personal 'quote of the month'.
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  BlackSwan of Memphis

  btt

  Wow this is some really good advice for the newbie.
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  Fleur

  The best advice I could give is, when something shocks, offends, or outright makes you see red, read it once, twice, three times and really think about it.

  If something draws that much of a reaction out of you, there is a reason. You will carry the judgemental attitude you get from being a JW for a long time after you leave; some never shake it.

  I had a hell of a lot of growing up to do when I left. I did this developing that people usually do in adolescence in my mid twenties. Almost a decade out, I feel like maybe I'm finally seeing the world through adult eyes for the first time, but I know I have a long, long way to go.

  Also my advice, don't log off and not come back if something scares you. JW dogma keeps you in fear, from everything and about everything. Live with the discomfort. The benefit, like a medicine that at first is bitter to swallow, will last you the rest of your life.

  hugs,

  essie