can a jehovahs witness marry a divorced non-witness?

by luffy 21 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Lady Lee

  The real danger and one that happens far too often is that the JW marries an unbeliever and thinks that after the wedding they can convert the new spouse or they leave the WTS long enough to meet and marry someone planning to go back after the marriage regardless of the cost to the new spouse.

  The more stories I read here of those who deliberately meet someone while they are straddling the fence and then the guilt kicks in after the wedding and they go running back to meetings the sicker I feel about all the people who get caught in this trap
• 

  undercover

  You can do whatever you want...it's the ramifications of your actions that you have to face and with JWs those ramifications are much more complicated than those of other faiths or no faith.

  JWs are supposed to only "marry in the lord"...meaning marry only in the faith. There is no formal discipline save for being counseled for marrying outside the faith, except to be ostracized by many in the hall since they'll be looking down on you for not following the dictate of "marrying only in the lord".

  JWs who are divorced can only remarry if their divorced spouse has either committed fornication or remarried, thus breaking the marital bonds. This is a complicated issue that sometimes requires elders pretending to be Sam Spade to spy on other parties.

  A JW marrying a non-JW who is divorced would probably raise the ire of the elders and those elders would want to be sure that the non-JW person is not only legally divorced but scripturally divorced (see "committed fornitcation or remarried"). What happens here a lot of times is that the non-JW is going to refuse to share intimate details of their life with strangers (elders) thus compicating issues. If the JW just runs off and marries this person he could be counseled, privately reproved or publicly reproved. Disfellowshipping for the JW would be extreme but not impossible if the non-JWs former mate has not given any evidence of remarrying or fornicating. And it really comes down to how hardass the elders want to be. Some set out to make an example of someone flouting the rules, others tend to let things go, not bothering with it, realizing that the JW in question is probably not worth the effort if he/she is just going to ignore the tenants of the religion.

  So there is no simple one answer. If your the non-JW, my only suggestion would be to think hard before getting caught up in this wacky religion by marrying a JW.
• 

  garybuss

  A Jehovah's Witness (or anyone else) can marry anybody they want in the USA as long as they are of the opposite sex, not related, both have a pulse, both are above the age of majority, both are legally competent, and neither are married to somebody else.
  
  
• 

  zilla

  Something just occurred to me while reading these posts. What you are saying is a non JW needs to be scriptually divorced (either parties having committed adultery) If this wasn't the cause of the marriage break up for either party you are doomed but not necessarily....if either of the partners fornicate with anyone in the meantime while separated before they are actually divorced...then they have grounds for a scriptual divorce. Is that right?? What are the chances of it not happening???
• 

  luffy

  Thanks for your replys guys..I really wish I could come back saying Id been able to walk away, but I havent..After breaking off contact for a month, he got back in contact with me and said that we were made for each other and he would have no second thoughts on marrying me if i converted to jehovahs witness...he is to be baptised next month. The thought of my life without him is unbearable and the month we were not in contact was hell..Although the reason given for my divorce wasnt adultery, I am pretty sure he was unfaithful and was even told as much my many of my friends. Anyway I have agreed to try to look into the witnesses with a positive view in the hope that I may change my mind and enable us a future together..I noticed their are many other people on the site in similar predicaments to mine and they have my sympathy..it is truly a nightmare..in my case, I feel that apart from this issue, I have found my soulmate, and nothing could make me unhappier than I was without him..wish me luck kI gonna need it!!!
• 

  undercover

  he got back in contact with me and said that we were made for each other and he would have no second thoughts on marrying me if i converted to jehovahs witness...he is to be baptised next month.

  There you have it...conditional love. IF you become a JW he'll have no second thoughts... if you don't become a JW will he continue to date you or even marry you?

  It's obvious he's made his choice...he'd rather be a JW. If you become a JW then he can have his cake and eat it too. He's either going to pressure you until you reluctantly join or he'll finally dump you because he can't (or won't) marry "outside of the Lord". You heard it here first.
• 

  JahBenji

  A Jehovah's Witness can only marry a divorced person only if that persom is the injured party of the act of fornication or adultery.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Welcome aboard JahBenji, feel free to post
• 

  luffy

  hi..am here asking for help again...theres been a change since i last posted...I explained to him that even if i were to convert to jw that due to the fact that Im divorced, that we shouldnt marry. He said he was under the impression that once you converted to witness, anything you had done before was not held against you and therefore as I had divorced as a non witness, would be able to marry..I told him there is always a way round these things but he says hes going to talk to people today and find out exactly how this works..he also said he has to research and look into it..as he pointed out, it has opened up many questions about jus how the jws work and interpret things. We are going to talk about it tonight after he has asked the elders etc and was wondering if someone could plzzz give me the best way to go around discussing this with him...ie..making him see how hypocritical and silly it all is without appearing disrespectful.
• 

  Dansk

  Luffy,

  Forgive me, but I'm somewhat amazed that, after coming here and surely reading what the JWs have done to the majority, you aren't doing your utmost to get your boyfriend away from the JWs! believe me, there's nothing worse than a newly converted JW and I should think your marriage could be in real jeopardy if you go ahead with it - because he'll be expected to put Jehovah first!

  he is to be baptised next month. The thought of my life without him is unbearable and the month we were not in contact was hell.

  Being in love can be a real bind at times because we let our fluttering hearts override common sense! If possible you need to take a step back, take a deep breath and tell your lover that you can't ever become a JW, that you know too much about them and that he, too, should thoroughly research the organisation before undergoing baptism. Ask him what's more important, your future lives together or his becoming a JW?

  Anyway I have agreed to try to look into the witnesses with a positive view

  Are you kidding us here? What's so damn positive about an organisation that wrecks families, lies about 607BCE, 1914 and 1975, is responsible for children dying due to their murderous doctrine on not taking blood and then hypocritically allowing fractions, flip-flopping over the likes of the 1914 generation and being involved with the UN for a decade?!

  You don't want advice, you want us here to give you absolution! Sorry, but you won't get it!

  Get your boyfriend to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. Direct him to Randy Watter's site and read all the autobiographies on it. Get him to read the painful stories posted here, many in the archives.

  You know the old adage Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Well, you're going in that direction.

  Ian