Hi Veradico!
We're happy that you joined us. You will find a lot of support, humor, and knowledge here.
Juni
Let's All Welcome Veradico!!!
by onesong 24 Replies latest jw friends
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veradico
Well. Thank you, Onesong, for initiating such a warm welcome from everyone. I didn't know he was going to do that, folks. How did you put it, Onesong, “coming out” of the Organization? Such a curious expression, is it not? So much of life as a dub (a delightful term, by the way) consists in concealing and suppressing who we are. I know I spent a ridiculous amount of time growing up trying to fit myself into the Watchtower’s inhuman mold. But what living thing does not want to grow? All the affairs of life that most empower us—such as friendship, education, and creative activity—involve revealing, cautiously revealing ourselves to others and to ourselves. By isolating us from the world and, really, from meaningful friendships with each other, the Watchtower is able to cripple many who would otherwise flourish. Sigh. Since I was raised as a good little Jehovah’s Witness, I naturally struggle with a sense of isolation. This is exacerbated by the fact that both of my parents are mentally ill. My sister and I spent much of our childhood living with my grandparents, who helped take care of my mom until my sister and I were able to take a more active role. My sister is now having to bear this burden alone while I’m away at one of the institutions of higher learning forbidden by the all-wise and benevolent Watchtower Society. So, back to coming out of the org. It’s strange how one harmless question leads to another. All the time I was auxiliary pioneering, serving as (Oh God, I hate this horribly redundant title) a ministerial servant, and just going about the life of a dub who’s also trying to have a life, I suppose a part of me was noticing the stuff that didn’t fit. Why were people whose natural function, as rational animals, is to reason afraid to think? Why do dubs spend so much time “harmonizing” the Bible if it’s already a harmonious whole? Why do the dreadfully dull prophecy books we study at bookstudies sound so strained and strident? You all know what I mean. As my level of education increased, I started noticing logical problems with the doctrines and issues of translation in the NWT. (I'm a Classics major, so I can read Greek, Latin, and a little Hebrew. Also, I went to a Catholic college. Just imagine how THAT went over in my congregation. In any case, the Catholics are very good at teaching religion and philosophy.) But the saddest data comes from the kind people who are being deceived. They put on a great show for the “new ones.” But so many are depressed. The Watchtower’s “hope,” into which they pour so much emotional energy, gives them nothing now but lives of quiet (very quiet) desperation. Anyway, I was talking about coming out. I’m gay. This, of course, complicates things when one is a Witness. But, on another level, being a Witness is the best training for being in the closet that I can imagine. All the skills that make one a good Witness also make one a good closeted homosexual. Where else but in “The Truth” could I have learned to isolate myself so perfectly, to shut off almost all of my natural inclinations for social (and sexual) intercourse? Does the data coming in from the outside world and your own experience contradict the imaginary world you’re trying to live in? Sure, but somehow you manage to explain it all away, tuck it all under the rug. Do you spend so much time trying to convince other people that you manage to almost convince yourself? Then you’re either a gay man who’s trying to stay in the closet, or you’re a dub who’s trying to stay in “The Truth.” Or, if you’re like I was, you’re both. I didn’t even let myself realize I was gay until I had discarded the Jehovah’s Witness theology. I suppose this deserves some clarification. Sure. On some level, I always knew liked to look at other guys, and I always told people I was never going to marry. But I just told myself that my thoughts were a passing phase or something and prayed to Jehovah to change me. It was a long process for me. And it still continues. Fortunately, I have a large group of friends such as Onesong who all started rethinking the whole JW thing at the same time. We have been able to support each other. Again, thank you all for your kind welcome.
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Quandary
Welcome Veradico! You are a very eloquent writer can't wait to read more of your posts.
Q
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onesong
Glad you're finally on V !
A little hint : paragraphs can make that small type easier to read.
BTW, I'm headed to California this afternoon and we'll start driving back on Sunday--maybe stop in an say hi on the way!
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veradico
Thanks for the hint. What I wrote was originally divided into paragraphs, but the computer kept having trouble posting until I turned off the HTML formatting.
I hope you're able to stop by and say hi. I'll make you a gin and tonic or something. Times will be had.