So a few months ago I got the 'you're disowned' email from my parents, and I thought that it was all over for any kind of ongoing relationship with them. I'd planned this visit to see them (I live on the east coast of Australia, they're a five-hour flight away), but a few months ago they told me they won't see me when I'm here. I have non-JW family and friends here though who I love a lot, and I have spent some nice times with them, and shown Mr Frass around my old haunts. The other day though....
Mr Frass sent a text SMS message through to every JW family member 'Hi I'm Mr Frass, I married Sass. We're in town, let me know if you want to meet'. I lost interest in my siblings on my wedding day when they didn't even send a quiet little message through to me wishing me well; I miss them but don't want that kind of blackmail in my life. Still I don't want my family pretending I'm dead, and every opportunity I get to remind them that I'm alive and happy, I'm going to take it. So Mr Frass sent them a message. Oldest sister came through ok, she said she would have caught up with him if she wasn't out of town. None of the others though, except for mum and dad. They decided that we should talk first. So I called, and we spent three hours on the phone. Under Nan's advice I just listened, agreed, let her vent, took the abuse. Mr Frass did the same. We have an insoluble situation; in order to keep us in our lives they have to hide it from the others. Mum also is pretending that's the reason she can't have the book study at their house any more (never mind the four months of renovations and remaining mess). The only way to fix things is for me to get reinstated, but I don't think she understands the impossibility of that; I won't get away with pretending to believe it - I wouldn't even if I wanted to. I'm hoping to get this through to them.
What would have made my brother ask 'why didn't she just disassociate herself instead of putting us all through this'? Can they really not know that the treatment for people who disassociate is exactly the same as those who are disfellowshipped? Maybe they just wish I had so that it would be easier for them - they wouldn't look like old-fashioned, unforgiving prudes, they could say 'she chose to leave us'.
I've taken Mr Frass on a little tour of the places I used to go, and we're now touring an old holiday ground. It sucks though, because just about everywhere has JW memories. Dad wants to talk and I'm hoping to catch them before they take off to a quick-build. There's just so many games to play and every time they open their mouth it's to be horrible to me. I'm trying to convince myself that it's important to retain a relationship with them, but can't think of many reasons why - none that are good for us anyway. Their anger and misery is only bad for us, and they will never forgive us. I guess I just don't want to burn the bridge. One day they'll need me, and then I'll be glad I made the effort. Besides, I'd not respect myself if I was the one to blame for us not keeping in touch.