IRISH HUMOUR

ania

Some of these i didn't find very funny but i didn't omit them because i thought some1 else might like them Subject: Irish Humour.. Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
>important
>meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
>
>Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me
>a
>parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life
>and
>give up me Irish Whiskey".
>
>Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
>
>Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
>he
>meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
>
>The man said, "I do Father."
>
>The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
>
>Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to
>heaven?"
>
>"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
>
>"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
>
>Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
>to
>heaven?"
>
>O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
>
>The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that
>when
>you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
>
>O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a
>group
>together to go right now." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time
>he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience
>began
>to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
>
>"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
>stealing
>wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.
>
>"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
>
>O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the
>traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
>traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic
>to
>pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the
>sidewalk.
>
>After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy
>went
>over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
>across?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
>in
>the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
>friend
>Finney.
>
>"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
>
>"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
>speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
>priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
>the
>car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
>
>"Just water," says the priest.
>
>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
>The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it
>again!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
>stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
>
>"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
>
>"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and
>knees."
>
>"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
>
>She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken s**t"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AuldSoul

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Riot!

shera

Hahahahaha!

Dansk

Pat and Mick went for job at a construction site. The Irish foreman came over and asked what they wanted:

"We'd loik a job" said Pat.

"Are ye Oirish?" asked the foreman.

"Dat we are!", replied Pat. Whereupon the foreman punched Pat straight on the nose and said:"Yer Oirish. Be proud of it. Yer name's Patrick, not Pat!"

Turning to Mick the foreman asked: "And what's YER name?"

"Micktrick!!" came the worried reply!

Ian

shera

Hehehehe Ian.

ania

that was pretty funny good 1

Dansk

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were working together on a skyscarper. At lunchtime they sat down, opened up their lunch-boxes and took out their sandwiches.

Englishman: "Hell, if I have chicken once more this week I'm going to throw myself off this building!"

Scotsman: "Och, if I have haggis one more time this week I'll throw myself off this building, too!"

Irishman (called Murphy): "Bejeebers, if oi 'ave cheese and union once mer oil trow meself of dis building, too!"

The next day the Englishman opened up his sandwiches and found they contained salmon.

The Scotsman opened up his sandwiches and found he had crab paste.

Murphy opened up his sandwiches, said:"Bejeebers, cheese an' union agin! Dat's it!" and promptly threw himself off the building.

The Scotsman, looking perplexed, turned to his English colleague and said: "But Murphy made his own sandwiches!"

Ian

bebu

Very funny! Keep 'em coming!

bebu

Dansk

Did you hear the one about the Irish terrorist?

He tried to blow up a bus and burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

Ian

Dansk

Did you hear about the Irishman who decided to cheat the railway by purchasing a return ticket and not coming back!

Ian

Proud to be half Irish!

IRISH HUMOUR

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