i really need some help from the experts. the situation i'm living in now is that i'm currently saving money to move out. my family are JW's, but actually only my mom is baptised. my other sisters are on the verge of baptism and my dad is just along for the ride and goes to meetings because he wants to avoid getting kicked out of the house for his repeated rank behavior and drug-abuse. he thinks if he tries to do good he'll get one second chance after another, but that's beside the point.
i was raised a JW, just like my sisters but i was always the independent one and drifted away from the teachings. i went into deep bouts of depression and cut myself because i viewed myself as worthless for straying and being evil. i lived a double life because i wanted to hurt myself... i did dangerous things and had sex to disown myself and the things i was taught. i had a nervous breakdown and was put on dangerous seizure meds for my tremors which only exacerbated the problem. i lost so much weight that i wore size 0 jeans and they were loose... i lost my drivers license and my college scholarship.
i sitll haven't gotten either back ... my mom is happy, secretly, because likes me to be tied down where she doesn't have to worry about me running off again. she blames the whole thing on worldly people when it was really the JW's teachings, and it was my worldly friends who helped me through it. i haven't been to a meeting since the memorial last year which i went to just to avoid confrontation with my mother.
they don't ever give me a hard time about the meetings anymore, they just accept it and once in a while telll me they wish i'd come back. i have not yet told her my stance since i want to avoid being kicked out with nowhere to go...but my boyfriend is offering me a roof, however i don't want to make the move until i have my finances in line.
they don't know i have a boyfriend and they don't know i've been to these sites and found out all about the secrets of the JW organisation, and i have to hide that i'm even on this forum. telling them is not an option...the few times i tried to tell my mom about my real self she screamed at me with JW concepts backing all of her arguments...
i'm facing the problem now of how to tell her i've been seeing a man for 2 years and am soon moving in with him and telling her the things i've learned through these sites. she won't trust any criticism of the organisation coming from me since i'm not going to meetings anymore...but i feel a responsibilty to say SOMETHING because my sisters are about to get baptised and commit their lives to it.
help!