Fader blues

Inquisitor

Hi all,

This is probably the first time I've started a thread that hasn't got to do with theology. lol.

I've been feeling rather hassled lately. Living my life away from home as a fader and getting unwanted calls from my folks. I hate pretending that I'm still active in the truth, lying about fictional bro so and so doing this and that. And how I've been keeping up with the meetings and stuff. But to cut myself off now will mean I lose any credibility with my folks, and out goes any efforts to prove the Dub Delusion. To sever ties with Dubdom now will mean all those gossipy mouths that have been poo-pooing higher education to my folks will feel vindicated. Sigh.

INQ (a cloudy day in my head)

misspeaches

Hey INQ,

Sorry to hear that its getting to you. There's so many reasons why we have to put up a pretence, I understand yours completely. Stay strong. Accept that you are having a rough time of it. Don't dwell upon it though just realise that it is a patch. Things will get better.

Wishing you all the very best.

serendipity

hi inq,

Can you guide conversations away from JW stuff to other stuff. Avoid your family if you can after assemblies, DC's, to avoid questions, since it's fresh on their minds. If they bring up meetings, ask a deflecting question: How's bro. elderly doing?

And when asked an outright question about meeting attendance, could you just tell the truth: "I didn't make that meeting." and change the subject? What happens if you don't lie?

Warlock

inq

It's probably just the day. Everyone has days where they are overwhelmed, especially us faders. Just keep coming here and hopefully you will be feeling better.

Warlock

24k

Remember, fading means that you are pretending to be a "weak" witness. So, you actually will be missing many meetings and assemblies, until finally, you're not attending at all. You'll be perceived as weak, but will not have given reason for any judicial action. This entails some hasseling from friends and relatives, about getting back to meetings and the like, but the questions about meeting content, and your having to fib about your still being active, will be gone.

Peace

TheKings

if she must know you lied all those times, she should know you did it out of love for her. you are doing the right thing.

becca1

24 k is right. You can't fade if you pretend to go to every meeting. You have to start conditioning your family to the fact that you are slipping. Yes, they will hassle you ,but it's better than loosing them all together. Hang in there. Take care.

compound complex

Dear Inquisitor,

We "faders" have empathy for you. This is an entirely new category, which seems to have us floating around in limbo. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, the axe to fall, the boom to lower. Sorry. I've used all those expressions as they are relevant to our in-between-in-and-out status. I was really ill for a few years (absent from all theocratic activity) yet, as I was gradually recovering, I now believe I subconsciously carried on as if ill and kept my distance. Those who really matter to me and whom I trust --- JW's and non JW's --- are my support system, as well as the kind-hearted and helpful souls here on JWD. I simply could not believe that "Jehovah's happy people," when permitted to express themselves freely, would have so much to vent about! Now I understand. I hated making excuses (giving reasons [?!?]), but you'll find your way through even that hurdle. Many on this board have already and make no apologies. My fade became official when I ceased "publishing" 31 December 2005 and quit meetings four months ago. That was my first step forward, knowing I would never go back. Baby steps, dear Inquisitor. When your head clears and your heart calms, you'll rediscover that life really does have a purpose, yet in a way none of us ever imagined. May our loving Father grant you peace.

Yours truly,

Compound Complex

Lady Liberty

Hang in there, you are not alone!!! Many here are experiencing the same thing, or have at some point. It is all a part of the process! Things WILL get better, I promise!

Sincerely,

Lady LIberty

Inquisitor

Hey there!

Thank you all for your empathy! It really boosts the spirit to be reminded that I'm not alone in this circumstance. I'm feeling a whole lot better today. Am going to a musical tonight with my partner. YAY

Miss peaches, I was actually wondering if I might hear from someone in Australia first! Thank you. I hope things are going well at your end too.

Serendipity, diverting the conversation by putting my folks in the hot seat instead is a tried and true technique. But my Mum is the sort who is pedantic enough to remember to ask me about my spiritual activities regardless of how many questions I throw at her. If I didn't lie, she records this piece of data in some recess in her mind, only to retrieve it as ammunition when she is trying to make a point about how I've changed since going to uni etc. LOL. Can never win with Mum.

Warlock, you know I wouldn't have believed you yesterday. But given how I feel today, I guess you're right. Some days are bluer than others!

TheKings, if she ever finds out that I've been lying all this while, may I borrow your chocolate popsicle to defend myself from her assault?

C.Complex, yep baby steps. A fader is nothing if not cautious. But some days you just get real tired of being cautious.

Lady Liberty, thanks. I must say your posts have always been interesting to read. You employ such a variety of punctuations and font sizes, it makes you sound very energetic. lol.

24k and becca1, when I confessed that I was a fader, I meant in the eyes of the congregation I'm supposed to be associated with. My home congregation and my folks are meant to be oblivious to my fading. They know I miss meetings occasionally due to uni. But the impression they have is that I'm actively try to keep up.

I do not wish to indicate to my folks and friends back home that I'm fading. They have been anticipating this for a very long time, thanks to the negative portrayal of higher education by the WTS. There are many nay-sayers in my home cong who are teaching my folks how to keep tabs on me. Everything I say to my folks gets an interpretation as to the state of my spiritual health. I do not want to lose the status quo.

Once they perceive that I've fallen away, they will stop their ears to anything I have to say about the WTS.

INQ

Fader blues

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