Talking with my 8 yr old JW daughter

megsmomma

I am so glad to have these boards so I can keep up with what they are teaching her. (She lives in Ohio with her dad and step-mom....and is surrounded by dubs) I asked her if she had started the new tract campaign yet. She said .."No, not yet, but people aren't going to like it! People will be mad!" And I said..."Well, these tracts are like a-lot of other ones they have seen over the years, so they won't be mad....don't worry." And then I asked her if she thinks the meetings say a-lot of the same things all the time and she said "No, but I have been going to meetings for a long time now." Poor kid.....her 8 years do seem so long when it is spent in the religion. I am trying to plant little seeds in her that hopefully will pay off as she gets older.

Does anyone have advice on things I can do?

jgnat

How about teaching her to think things through logically? There's a little book geared for children

http://www.criticalthinking.org/resources/elementary.shtml

I suggest you introduce logic in a neutral (non-religious) setting, such as helping her make a decision on how to spend the money on the gift-card from mom, or how to deal with a bully at school. Ask her leading questions to think things through on her own. This way, you are teaching how to think independently instead of getting answers from a book.

Here are some sample "critical thinking" questions from the booklet.

If I decide to do “X,” what things might happen?
If I decide not to do “X,” what things might happen?
When the main character in the story made an important decision, what happened as a result?
What were the consequences?
What are the possible implications of riding your bike too fast down the hill?

Once she has practice with logical/independent thinking, I bet she will take the leap to applying it to her religious life as well.

megsmomma

Great advise! I appreciate your thoughts and I will definitley instill "thinking on your own" into her whenever possible.

outoftheorg

When she is with you, let her do all the good things that jw kids are not allowed.

Help her to meet children in your neighborhood. Let her go to birthday parties and have her own with other children invited.

Let her see or experience how kind and helpful your neighbors are.

Let her see and experience all of the "real" world she lives in.

Outoftheorg

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

I remember as a very young girl thinking "one less meeting until the paradise". It was so hard to sit through those endless meetings!! My heart goes out to your little girl, megsmomma. And I can tell you are an amazing mother, wanting to do what is best for her under what are no doubt very difficult circumstances for you personally.

Though I'm not qualified to give advice out regarding how to deal with your children (not a mom so I have no right or experience), I do want to say I think jgnat's advice sounds wonderful! Being able to think on my own is definitely what got me to wake up. It was my therapist that helped me learn to reason and logic, and we weren't talking about religion. It just ended up applying to my religion as well. I think this is a very important step in helping ones escape.

I wish you all the best, megsmomma!!

megsmomma

That is the hardest thing to figure out how to handle. I remember when my mom became a JW and we visited my dad during my little sisters b-day. I would say we had only been in it for about 9 months....but I was already wanting to please Jah....and when my dad took us to a b-day party at my aunts house for my sister...We both cried and I locked us in the bathroom....Since we were being "persecuted". So, I don't know how far to go with her in "worldly" things because I don't want her to feel guilty. I will be going to Ohio for this x-mas....and we have a bunch of family that are going to my aunts for x-mas. I will get my daughter, but her dad will pick her up on x-mas eve....so we don't celebrate with her....but x-mas will be going on the whole time, really...and she will see we are not worshipping the tree...and we are just being a happy normal loving family....and I hope to show her those things in a subtle way......Does that seem like it makes sense?

Smiles_Smiles

Besides all the other good advice I would just add to make sure she always know that you love and accept her rather she is a JW or not. No matter what course she takes that you will be there for her.

I think as she gets older and may decide during those teenage years to asert her individuality and choose her own road she will know she has an allie in you. That will give her strength to go against the JW norm if she so decides to.

troubled mind

Yes I think I know what you mean . What she needs to see from your side of the family is the joy of just being together . Ask her if certain things make her uncomfortable like being in a home with xmas decorations ? Then allow discussion about how your family views it and to them it is not bad . I remember as a child visiting worldly relatives at holiday times and I really appreciated the fact they thought about me and made the point to say the gift was because they loved me not for the holiday .( Some things made me feel guilty too because my mom would remind us how Jehovah views it all.) You have the unique circumstance to widen her veiw of life , and she will remeber these things as she matures .

Genesis

Im no parent but Smiles_Smiles advice is wonderful ! When I was a JW my parents let me knew that they would be there for me, JW or not ! It really helped me when I left The Lie.

jgnat

Good girl, here's something to make you shudder. According to my JW hubby, things won't be all that different post-Armageddon. Apparently, meetings ARE a little bit of "paradise".

Talking with my 8 yr old JW daughter

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