Shattered Lives—The Watchtower Trauma and your Healing Process

by The wanderer 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  The wanderer

  Shattered Lives—The Watchtower Trauma and your Healing Process

  A few days ago a topic of discussion presented itself
  regarding the subject of suicide and former Jehovah's
  Witnesses. Admittedly, I found the topic to be very
  saddening and heart breaking.
  
  However, by the same token it is very important
  to focus on the positive affects of the healing
  process once the shattering discoveries of the
  Watchtower Society have been exposed.

  Friends on this board— ready, willing, and able to assist

  I would like to personally thank all the friends who
  wanted to help others who thought about taking
  their own lives. And for sharing their personal
  experiences.

  One last request regarding healing

  Those of us who have healed or are on the way
  to healing, can you give individuals on this board
  some advice, suggestions, or comments on how
  this is achieved?

  • Can individuals offer some hope to those who
    feel hopeless?

  • Can we all participate and give our helpful
    comments to those needing it?

  Please post your opinions and commentary
  knowing how important it really is.

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
• 

  Amazing

  Wanderer,

  I posted my exit series on JWD a few years ago, composed of 18 parts. It was well received, and is now hosted on Freeminds. I have update it, but have not released the update, which will include some revision for grammar and clarity, and adding chapters which not only detail the more recent legal entanglements I had with the Watchtower Society, but my personal journey that allowed me to heal. When I am ready to release the larger story, I will post a notice here on JWD.

  The best advice or viewpoint I can give is to face the pain of what has happened. Honor the pain and its reality. Accept the pain, because it is telling us that we are human and okay. Then, let go of the pain when its work is complete, and learn to live again. Finally, allow ourselves to believe again, to be happy, and take joy in the new road we have chosen to walk ... appreciate the freedom to change roads in the future if needed ... for what we are in life is not the road we were on, but the fact that we had the courage and integrity to change when it was the most difficult and painful ... and we were human enough to feel the pain and submit to the healing process.

  Jim Whitney
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  The best advice or viewpoint I can give is to face the pain of what has happened. Honor the pain and its reality. Accept the pain, because it is telling us that we are human and okay. Then, let go of the pain when its work is complete, and learn to live again. Finally, allow ourselves to believe again, to be happy, and take joy in the new road we have chosen to walk ... appreciate the freedom to change roads in the future if needed ... for what we are in life is not the road we were on, but the fact that we had the courage and intergrity to change when it was the most difficult and painful ... and we were human enough to feel the pain and submit to the healing process

  That is excellent advice, Jim Whitney. I read your story at the time you were posting them and was amazed at your courage.

  My pain has been quite recent after having been betrayed by my father, daughter, brother and a bunch of cousins who put the organization over family ties. Thankfully, I still have a husband, two sons and daughter-in-law who are free from the Borg. I'm making progress as, when I review the events of the last three years, I've learned to look at it more objectively and the anger is diminishing. I am getting better at recounting my blessings instead of wallowing in self pity. I see this now as an opportunity to become a better and happier person and to live life to the full.

  Actually, I am in the process of writing my own story. It will take a long time, and the challenge is to make it interesting as I tend to dwell on trivial things that may or not interest a reader. I wonder if I should make a long version and a short version. It will take awhile before it is finished, as I only do it in spurts.
• 

  czarofmischief

  I have found a great deal of comfort in trying on all the hats I wasn't allowed to wear as a JW - you know, the "political" hat, the "holiday" hat, and the "dating" hat.

  Then I got married, had a family, and joined the Army. I stay busy working on my new life. Like Jesus said, when a demon is cast out, the "house" of the mind needs to be refilled with good things or the demon will return worse than before. So too, when the false ideology of the WT was cleaned out of my mind, I needed to fill it up with natural, wholesome things or I risked falling prey to even worse ideas.

  CZAR
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  The wanderer

  There is no question that individuals
  such as myself will take great interest
  in seeing the re-release of your personal
  experiences Jim.
  
  Thank you for your help.
  
  Very Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It is human nature to assign blame to something or someone. "I can't help it, my mother made me this way."
  "I want to be better but the WTS warped me."

  IF YOU MUST assign blame, go ahead. BUT DON'T CONTINUE LIMPING ON THAT CRUTCH.
  "My mother did this in the past, I need to overcome that."
  "The WT warped my mind back then, I am recovering."

  You must decide that, no matter what you experienced, even if you are in jail for some crime committed
  by someone else, or are an invalid for the violence of others, you will not continue being their victim.
  Say that you got a bad deal, it wasn't fair, there was nothing you could do at the time- OKAY!!
  But now, You are dealing with it, the best way you can. You are moving on.

  Examples: Suppose the WTS told all your friends and family not to talk to you. NOW, you realize there
  are people who will be your friends out there, and your family and old friends are victims JUST LIKE YOU.
  That could be you shunning them. Send them cards, letters occasionally. Tell them you aren't mad (if true).
  Move on.
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  Apostate Kate

  For me it was a combination of Biblical research and professional counseling. At times anti depressants. Once I untwisted the Bible, came to some deep realizations, and allowed myself to express the anger through writing fictional stories, I made my peace with it.

  I also had to learn to forgive.

  How to love myself.

  What true unconditional love was and how most often you will be the giver of it, and that fact does not have to be the cause of more pain but can bring more peace. Sometimes it hurts but through true forgivness you can overcome that pain.

  That it is truly better to give than to receieve, it is theraputic. In fact giving and charity will help you pass through the fires of despair.
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  OUTLAW

  I don`t know that I can offer anyone hope.I can be there to listen and encourage though..As far as those who say "Just get over it and move on",easyer said than done..If that were an easy task,this board would not be here.There would be no place to post "Just get over it and move on."...OUTLAW
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  "Just get over it and move on."...OUTLAW

  Of course this is easier said than done. Some cannot do this. Many are not ready for the first part- "Just get over it."

  But all of us can "move on" in many ways. Start to live again. I know that you are doing so, Outlaw.

  Will I always carry some bitterness, I imagine so, but I won't let that prevent me from enjoying life.

  Since I want to fade and not DA-
  I can see myself ditching the CO visit, or meeting non-JW family secretly at holiday time, and saying
  "Why am I hiding from them?" At those times, I will be bitter. I will feel like they still control me.
  But, then I will improve that situation over time, meanwhile I will find good things in life.

  Moving on can be small steps. Getting over it is optional.
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  OUTLAW

  OnTheWayOut..Your post made me think of that comment..My meaning was much harsher than someone just trying to help someone move on from the pain..It wasn`t meant for you..It is meant for unsympathetic people who enjoy inflicting more pain for the joy of it..Clearly you are not that sort of person...OUTLAW