Alcoholism and the Loss of a good friend

ScoobySnax

Hi all. My friend and work colleague was Kelvin. Often he would be the one to do the "egg and bacon" run at 9:30am after we'd been at work for a couple of hours on the ward. Down to the hospital cantain he'd go to get us all lots of cholesterol laiden food, egg, bacon, mushrooms,fried bread waffles etc a proper english breakfast. He'd always write a list of what the nurses would want. I remember him saying "Do you want a snotty egg or not?" (Snotty was a fried egg that had a soft yolk) Other times we'd pop out and hide behind the hospital buildings out of sight to have a sneaky cigarette. He always used to make me laugh, had no concept of how to behave in front of superiors at work. He just was himself, coarse, in-appropriate at times, but always honest. The trouble is Kelvin had a problem, and it was drink. Sometimes he'd be off for 3 weeks out of 4, and when he came back to work I used to say "Kelvin, you look awful, have you been on the juice again?" Of course he'd always claim it was a dodgy stomach bug or something. His mum who is in her late 70's would phone me and say I'm worried about Kelvin, I haven't heard from him. I used to go round and there and let myself in to his flat, and there he'd be sat in his own vomit absolutely paralyitic. Sometimes I'd get him in my car and take him to the local casualty department, Other times I'd sit with him, try and tidy up, and wait for him to sober up. When he was sober, I would try and talk to him, but of course he'd say there wasn't a problem, he'd just had "One too many". In the meantime, I moved departments in the hospital. 4 weeks ago when I last saw him, he looked awful, but was still as funny as hell, cracking jokes, making us all laugh etc. I said to him when we were alone, Kelvin, you know if you don't knock the juice on the head, they're gonna find you dead in your flat one day. He looked at me straight as a dye, and told me that he really was over all that drinking lark and he wasn't touching it anymore. I looked at him and said, Kelvin, don't bullshit a bullshitter, you haven't given it up at all. He put his hand on my shoulder, squeezed it, and said I know you're only trying to help, but I'm fine. Yesterday, a colleague phoned me to tell me that Kelvin was found dead in his appartment. Apparently, they reckon he died by himself last Monday or Tuesday. His Brother broke into the flat on Friday and found him. I'm sitting here thinking. He made us nurses laugh, and him and me would do a silly double act for the patients to make them laugh. Him and I both knew that there was a problem, but he would never let me do anything more. What a waste. He was older than me, but 46 is no age. I'm upset and gutted that he has gone. I do feel anger now, like if he was here I'd shake him to death for being so stupid. But mostly I miss the loss of a smashing guy. I love a beer more than the next bloke, but God forbid it would ever get me like it did him. God bless you Kelvin, you silly sod. R.I.P. Scott

ScoobySnax

Sorry it's all in paragraph form. Something is wrong with the format.

BabaYaga

What a waste, indeed, but he's not hurting anymore.

Peace to you, Kelvin.

(And hugs to you, Scoob.)

katiekitten

That is so sad, but theres nothing you would have been able to do about it. Its a terrible disease.

I once knew someone similar to your description of your friend. We called him Chemical Ken because he was a complete addict, but the loveliest most friendly funny gentle soul. He had huge festering wounds in his groin from injecting so much. And he was an alcoholic. Most alcoholics I despise for their weakness, but sometimes you meet someone you truly like, and then you see what a lousy rotten illness it is.

Im sorry your friend died. Im sorry it was inevitable.

BrendaCloutier

((((( Scoobysnax))))

I am so very sorry for your loss. Loss of a friend too young, and that he died uselessly - unless his death wakes up other's who have the progressive disease of alcoholism.

I'm an alcoholic. The last of my drinking in 1990, I could only drink 2 or 3 beers or a glass of wine then get sick. I couldn't even get drunk any longer! I had advanced to late-stage alcoholism - where my stomach chemicals were so shot from alcohol use that my stomach could no longer handle having alcohol on it, but I craved alcohol anyway and needed to drink. I never had a DWI. Never had a drinking accident nor a citation while drunk. I always had good employment. But I had to get sober because I was beginning to loose my ability to be gainfully employed. But I was dying and would have if I had not quit.

Sadly, over 90% of alcoholics die of both the primary and secondary results of the disease - including auto accidents and suicide. Far deadlier than most common cancers today.

My heart goes out to you, Scoobs

Satanus

Sad. I think most alcoholics are the gentlist souls, on the inside.

S

bikerchic

(((Scooby)))

Sorry for your loss. I know it's a terrible condition people allow themselves to get into the love of drink or drug, I think it's slow suicide wish. For those of us who love them I think it's more painful to watch and feel so helpless. Nothing YOU can do, THEY have to WANT to stop.

I know I lost my Father to an early death because of alcoholism which runs deep in my family. I too was well on my way to finding solace in the bottom of an empty bottle until I got a good look at my children and decided I loved them more than the drink. For some people it's getting outside of themselves which gives them strength to combat the disease within them, if only your friend had that special someone or something to live for.

sammielee24

Sorry for your loss--((hugs)).

I was married to an alcoholic for a long time - I don't despise him and never will. In the end though, I had to separate his addiction from my life in order for it not to destroy me as well. The effects of living with an addict and taking on that responsibility are enormous and I feel for so many of these souls that are driven by something broken insde. Take care - sammieswife.

ScoobySnax

Thankyou for your replies. I posted here because I knew I needed to hear them responsies. I sort of feel more angry tonight. I'm so angry at him, like if he was here I could shake him hard and slap him about a bit for being such a twat. I really mean that. I've got to go see his mum tommorow and I don't know what to say. I knew this would happen.

bikerchic

Scooby anger is a natural responce to grief. You're going to have lots of feelings for quiet a while so just be patient and trust the process which will eventually lead you to acceptance.

Give his Mum a huge hug and let her do the talking. She has a lot of healing to do herself, probably the best job you can do right now is just to listen and ask her question about how he was maybe as a child in better times so she'll fill up on the good memories. That will help you both.

Alcoholism and the Loss of a good friend

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