I don't post here much but this board has helped me through the process of extracting myself from this religion. I thought I should share an experience that I had.
Quick background: 4th of 5 generations of JW's leading back to beginning of the century. First to leave the religion of all of the relatives and family.(huge) I did the fade 3 years ago but most know I oppose the religion so they avoid me. I still have contact with the family but it's extremely uncomfortable. I experienced massive depression around losing my huge family who I love. I also experienced what I would call existential depression which I would say is a longing for connection or God, or whatever you want to call it.
Ok. So I read up on all religions for like 2 1/2 years. Probably 300 books or so. I find similarities in what is called the Perrennial Philosophy with most religions and understand most spiritual concepts. However, my depression continues. I try all sorts of stuff including medication but it just sort of numbs me. Finally, I read an article in the National Geographic. It was about Shamans in South America who drink a hallucinigenic medicine called Ayahuasca. It is really successful in curing depression. I have never taken a drug before and the effects of the drug are not pleasant. You usually vomit, crap yourself, and enter a sort of hell. You face whatever dark energy is causing the depression. The goal is to face it and overcome it. The drug is not addictive and not known to have any side effects.The Shamans of South America have been using it for at least 2000 years on the indigenous people. Anywho, I decide to do it. What can I lose? At this point I would describe myself as a hopeful Athiest. I wanted to believe in God or something, but my despair told me otherwise.
So I go into the jungles of Iquitos, Peru and partake in 5 Ayahuasca ceremonies. I witnessed some amazing things that blew my mind, two examples being telepathy and an earthquake during a ceremony. The experience of drinking Ayahuasca, which is a brew made from the Ayahuasca vine and other plants from the jungle, was horrifying. I experienced a sort of ego death, I ralphed every ceremony, and witnessed some of the guests get demons pulled out of their bodies. (There were 24 guests at this particular camp.) I actually didn't think I would survive. I tried to come into this with an open mind. True skepticism. Not wanting to believe and not not wanting to believe, you know what I mean? I realized that there is a sort of subtle realm that has little battles, such as conflicting desires. When these battles go on forever and get huge, you can get depressed and fatigued. The Shamans see these as spirits. During a ceremony, these come to the forefront and the Shaman purges them with his ability to call in what I would call White Light energy or Positive Energy. This kicks the bad crap out. Anyways, it's like 100 therapy visits in one night. I went through a bunch of issues surrounding my depression.
When I got home, I experienced a bunch of spiritual experiences. I was visited by spirits in my apartment.(Which I didn't believe in before) I was harrassed in my sleep. During all of this, many of my issues around childhood and the JW's would replay in visions and a sort of helpful spirit would guide me through them. It was like a 24 hour therapist. Still, I was experiencing major anxiety around the whole thing. I called down to South America and the shaman told me that this was unusual for someone to have these effects when they got home. He said that he has never known a case like mine. "Just my luck," I thought. He told me to come back. He thought something was wrong.
So I go back for 5 more ceremonies. There is this dude from the States there that is a healer. I'm telling you, I've never met a guy like this. He was like one of the X-MEN. He could make you experience any emotion by touching you. He was like a walking ball of energy. He was going to help me out. He immediatly tells me that my 3rd eye is extremely open. What the hell does that mean?, I ask. Anyway he does a bunch of stuff and the visions tame down immedietly. The Shaman interviews me and asks me about the religion? I tell him about the JWs and all there practices. He agrees to see what he can do in the next ceremony.
Ok. Here's where it gets weird (like the rest of the story isn't weird). He tells me that there is a demi-god who is hanging around me. He says that he has 3 sort of henchmen on either side of him (6 total). He thinks it's Jehovah. He tells me that Jehovah is not God but a demi-God, a pretender. He said that he is trying to some sort of soul-sucking thing. I'm officially creeped out but still, my rational mind tells me that because he interviewed me, he knows that I was a JW and he could be making it up.
So I go through another ceremony and it's really a good one. No barfing or projectile diarrhea. No screaming for mama. The third ceremony is really good. In my vision I'm hanging out with what appears to be God. I have some helpful spirits who tell me that I am strong and that they will always help me. I'm really feeling confident. The Shaman keeps the ceremony going by singing and shaking some leaves. This sort of keeps the energy in the room positive and full of medicine spirits.(I know this sounds insane but they have been doing it for centuries). So I sit up, feeling like a million bucks (usually I'm laying on a mattress on the ground). I tell God that I'm ready to fight Jehovah. I want him gone forever. I only want a relationship with the real God. Immedietly, I see the Shaman jerk his attention toward me. He gets up out of his chair, walks over to me, and starts singing and shaking his leaves. He does some smoke blowing and makes weird sounds. When he is done, he staggers a bit like he is off balance. He stumbles back to his chair and sits down. I think nothing of it. Jehovah doesn't come, and the ceremony soon ends.
The next day, one of the Shaman apprentices is doing some work on me to shut down my third eye, which is making me have tons of visions. I am having alot of activity. The apprentice says, "Boy, you are really hot (energy-wise). I don't doubt it after last night." "What do you mean?," I asked. "Didn't they tell you what happened?", he said. "No.", I replied. "You better go talk to the Shaman," he said.
So I go talk to the Shaman. He tells me that a Jehovah showed up last night during ceremony. He had 2 buddies with him this time. The Shaman came over to me to expel him out of the ceremony hut. He said that a demi-god is very powerful and it's hard on him to do it. I revealed to him that I told God I wanted to fight him. "What the hell did you do that for?!!!," he exclaimed "We got rid of him the first ceremony, don't invite him back. I'm the one who has to fight him and it takes all I got to do it."
Now, here's the deal. That Shaman came over exactly when I told God, in my vision, that I wanted to fight Jehovah. That Shaman staggered around when he was done. My rational mind wants to believe that this is all make believe, but I cannot dismiss what happened.
My question is. Do you think this dude is real? Do you think that maybe it's a belief system that represents itself as images and sound when consuming Ayahuasca. The healer guy from the States claims that he could see Jehovah even when not consuming Ayahuasca. The healer dude also told me about myself with such accuracy that I cannot deny he is the real deal.
I just thought I'd share this experience. Since getting home about 2 weeks ago, thing have been much better. I don't get harrassed as much at night and my depression has gotten lighter. I wouldn't say my depression is healed but there is definate improvement. I feel stronger and lighter. I actually got to the point that I felt sorry for Jehovah. He has to scare people in order to get them to love him. I also developed a respect for him. He's powerful. He's being fueled by millions of people (maybe more). I just don't want to see him again.
Mil