parakeet
This is so important for us all to remember
it also makes me realize that the WTS/JWs is an even more malignant religion than I had imagined.
Why do we tell our stories: reconsidered
by Lady Lee 23 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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Lady Lee
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Frannie Banannie
My original post on this subject was about those of us who were sexually abused as children. But as I was reposting it I realized how well it fit the actions of the WTS who tosses its victims to the corner
You are so right on the mark with this observation, Lee. Yes, the WTS is like a malignant carcinoma of the mind and spirit.
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Sam87
I felt like when i was in the JWs we were all different from the ''world'', and now that im out of it i feel like im one of few who have figured it all out, but im left with this feeling that i dont belong to the JWs or the so called ''world''. its strange, but it helps to see there are others like me, and it definatly helps to talk to them and share exsperiances.
Sam87
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jgnat
I doubt there is one person here who has told their story and not suffered that night because of the memories.
Absolutely, Lady Lee. My pain comes from the memories of an abusive ex-husband, but the effect is just the same. You were the first therapist to give me permission to NOT talk unless I wanted to. Most people, after hearing snippets of my past, urge me to purge the memories by talking it all out. The thought of dredging up all that pain horrifies me. Like being forced to watch a dreaded horror movie over and over again.
Lady Lee, you helped me take charge of my own healing. I will be forever grateful to you for that.
The most delightful posts here on this board, in my opinion, are the newbie introduction threads. You can tell they planned to write only a few sentences, then the words just pour. And they nearly all end with an apology for rambling on so long. They may be surprised to learn how much people like me enjoy sharing a bit of the reality of their daily lives. I understand that feeling to just pour out the heart. As the non-JW partner of a mixed marriage, I had no outlet for my thoughts and feelings until I came to JWD. My indoctrinated JW husband shuts down whenever the conversation threatened his belief system. Who could I talk to? My non-JW relatives? They just shook their heads in belief over the insanity.
JWD has ears. We listen. JWD gave me a VOICE. Thank You Simon.
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Lady Lee
JG
My pain comes from the memories of an abusive ex-husband, but the effect is just the same.
Abuse takes many forms but the effects are always the same. People who have experienced different forms of abuse can easily relate to the emotions that results from it
You were the first therapist to give me permission to NOT talk unless I wanted to. Most people, after hearing snippets of my past, urge me to purge the memories by talking it all out. The thought of dredging up all that pain horrifies me. Like being forced to watch a dreaded horror movie over and over again.
Some people seem to think it is best to clam up and just "get over it" Others think that by spilling your heart and guts all over the place will proivide instant resolution.
People need to havdevelop the skills they need to deal with trauma. Otherwise it is just a revictimization. No one needs that. When a person is ready they will do what needs to be done
Sam87
I felt like when i was in the JWs we were all different from the ''world'', and now that im out of it i feel like im one of few who have figured it all out, but im left with this feeling that i dont belong to the JWs or the so called ''world''. its strange, but it helps to see there are others like me, and it definatly helps to talk to them and share exsperiances.
This is an issue for many people and probably why the internet has become the meeting ground for those who have left any cult. We find other people with experiences similar to ours.
A few years ago I did a few lectures with people from other cults (the Family and one other group) It was quite amazing to learn that it didn't matter which cult you were in. They all used the same techniques to get and maintain their members. There might be slight variations but manipulation, isolationfear were the dominant characteristics in each of them
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truthsetsonefree
This thread should be the mission statement of this board.
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Nosferatu
It's absolutely amazing how much I've changed just from talking about my experiences. Hell, it's amazing how much I've changed just by talking! For years, I was always "shy", but it wasn't shyness. I was living in fear, and I was keeping everything bottled up inside.
When I started living my "double life", I started becoming loud, vocal, and talkative in my worldly life, but remained "shy" in my JW life. The "shy" ticket kept me from being regular in FS. Now that I'm out, it's rare that I'm "shy". A few years ago, I ran into a girl I went to elementary with. She was absolutely shocked that I could hold a conversation!
Sharing my story helps me vent my anger about my past. I have a lot of that, and I was never allowed to express myself. It'll take years before I feel satisfied with the amound I've vented about my past. I may never be satisfied with how much anger I've vented. But it feels damn good to get it out.
Hell, I tried to make peace with my mother for all the abuse. I knew I was opening myself up to get stabbed again. And yes, it did happen. She denied anything ever happened. What a fucking lie. There I go, venting anger again. At least I gave her a chance to redeem herself. If she didn't want to redeem herself and give me a reason to forgive her, then she'll continue to suffer the consequences of the damaged relationship between me and her.
A lot of people who come here say how angry people are. They don't seem to understand why people vent their anger so much. As JWs, we were taught to cover up all our problems with a pile of Watchtower magazines. If you've been abused, read the latest magazine on prayer, and talk to Jehovah. If it's a big problem, talk to the elders, who will tell you to "turn the other cheek" pray to Jehovah, and make all the meetings.
JWs aren't allowed to vent their true feelings. They're supposed to ignore those bad feelings and emotions and pretend to be happy. The people here have locked up all those bad feelings and emotions for years, and even decades. JWD is a place that you can pour all those bad feelings and emotions into, and people will read, relate, and share your pain. It's something we didn't get when we were in the JW religion. You would be angry too if you weren't allowed to express yourself for a large percentage of your life.
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Gordy
Its now 7 years since I decided to stop attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall and 5 years since I DA'd.
I often have wondered why do I still keep this "connection" with the Watchtower. Considering that they broke my family up, their lack of compasssion and support when it was needed.
A couple of times I have thought thats it no more looking at forums or websites etc about JW's.
But then I will get an e-mail off someone who has seen my testimony on some website. They are usually from someone who knows a JW, is studying with JW's or a even a JW having doubts or is leaving or has left. These then set me off again on the Watchtowers tail. I'm not going to leave them at the WT's mercy. If I can point them in the right direction or say something that makes them think, then its worth it.
We who have been JW's know the old saying "You can leave the Watchtower, but the Watchtower never leaves you." it is always there in the back of your mind.
We must do all we can to stop others falling into the clutches of the WT or to bring them out.
This is why we tell or stories.
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Incidentally I also get the occassional mail from an active JW. Who usually tell me I'm going to die at Armageddon. I recently had one which called me a F**king stupid pig for leaving "Jehovahs organisation, just like Satan did. I replied nicely, asking for clarification why I should still be a JW. A reply came back saying I was still a "stupid pig" and he doesn't speak to "apostates". I replied that the only way he could have got my e-mail address is that he must have seen my testimony on an "apostate" website. Which was going against WT directives , especially after the resolution at this years conventions. I then sent information regarding paedophiles, UN, and some other stuff. I have not heard from him again.
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restrangled
I rarely have retold my story on an intimate basis even after intense counseling, But each time I do, I remember more detail which helps with the healing process.
It's so funny because I had a conversation with my mother the other day. She said she almost left because of 1975 and what happened to me. We started going over the details and here I never realized she didn't know the half of it. I was 16 at the time and probably tried to keep it as a clean as possible, but at age 47 I could speak my mind and understand the gravity of what the jerk I was involved with, pulled off. As an adult, I was able to tell her details I never could have in earlier years. She had to ask me to stop. She couldn't handle what had happened including the fact that there were 6 men at the rehearing not 3 as she had assumed....even though she and my father sat outside the room waiting.
So, each time a story is retold new details are learned, and like the Holocaust each person's history keeps information available to those who were not there or understand the inner workings of those in charge at the WBTS.
For those who deny, this is living history of the our own Holocaust. The spiritual, physical and mental damage that we experiencedt we as victims will not let be denied.
r.
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jgnat
People need to develop the skills they need to deal with trauma. Otherwise it is just a revictimization.
I think I have some of that now. I don't let anyone dictate my emotions any more. i.e. "Don't be silly." "You shouldn't feel that way." "I didn't mean to hurt you." "Stop taking it so seriously." If I feel bad, I own that. I have a duty to track down the source and do something about it. If someone is treating me wrong, I confront. If I am not dealing with something myself, I change my behavior.
I also make people responsible for what they say, especially passive-aggressives. If someone says, "I don't mind" then sighs and rolls their eyes, I ignore their body language and accept their help. If they complain later, I ask, "Why didn't you say so then?" I follow up on generalized complaints. If they say, "There was NOTHING redeeming at all in that presentation!", I'l follow up privately and ask for details. What specifically didn't they like? I then address those individual concerns. I won't feel guilt over a sweeping generalization. Like most people, I'm not ALL bad. There's something good in nearly everything I do.