There was a JW funeral I attended this past Saturday at the congregation where I grew up and where my mom still attends. Most all of my childhood friends were there. They had a movie/slide presentation playing at the back of the funeral home of different events, family members, congregation members, etc. It was really nice and brought back such good memories. But it also made me sad, because I miss a lot of that. Many of them are also all interrelated, so it was just about like a family reunion. It was hugs and jokes and happy memories with those whom I was closest to growing up (except for one who feels too superior to speak to me).
Since I am not DA’d or DF’d at this time, so many came up and hugged me and met my husband and were so excited to see my daughter. Oh, there were a few who were cold or avoided us…..like we would contaminate them. But, for the most part the ones who mattered were wonderful. I still email jokes and pics with some of them, in order to keep some line of communication open. I got to see my first mother-in-law…..we hugged long and hard and she had tears in her eyes (her son is DF’d and she doesn’t see him or his family much and I know that hurts her). She is one of my most special people on earth.
Anyway, it did make me very sad later because that is one thing I miss about being out…..the jokes, friendships, the feeling of belonging. I was one of the few not related to anyone at the Hall when I was growing up, but I was included just like family anyway. We were a small rural congregation, so if we didn’t have each other, then we were just alone (at least until we could drive to other places). I miss being part of the group…..the joking, the camaraderie, the togetherness. I have to admit, though, that this was basically only from my home congregation. When I moved out on my own and attended larger congregations in bigger cities, that feeling wasn’t there as much. It was also much more ‘conditional’ in other congregations…..if you didn’t go out in service a lot or missed any meetings or weren’t rich or weren’t related to someone…..then you were easily forgotten.
However, I miss what I had growing up. I miss it now. Oh yeah, a couple said we need to get together outside of funerals…..but I won’t hold my breath for an invite (some have non-JW spouses and family they associate with, so it wouldn’t be totally out of the question to actually receive an invitation to cook-out or something)…..but, it still probably wouldn’t be the same.
My husband says to just make new friends and get involved in church or a club or something. But, I purposely do not open up to new people much and it still wouldn’t be the same as someone with whom you have years of memories from childhood on. I hate it that this religion has to cause divisions like this…..so that if you leave, you leave things like this and if you stay for the family and/or friendships you have to sacrifice your beliefs or have to be a hypocrite or something.
I just had to vent………………thank you for listening.