What planted the seed of doubt that lead you to leave or think of leaving?

by NanaR 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NanaR
    NanaR

    I've been thinking of this a lot lately. The following experience ties my first doubt in with my present life.

    As a backdrop to this, you should know that I was a 5th generation "raised in the truth" JW through my mother (her great-grandfather got "the truth" from Pastor Russell). So my mother, her mother, and her grandfather were all "raised in the truth". (Right about now I feel like the guy in Star Wars -- "the force is very strong in my family" *hah*).

    When I was rather young (about 10 or so), my mother had a heart attack. At that time I got to spend a lot of time with her just talking about things. It was during this time that she told me she had had heart surgery around 1944. Her surgery was performed at the Mayo Clinic to close a "patent ductus" that failed to close when she was born in 1918. The doctors said it was a miracle that she had lived as long as she had, that she only had about a 50% chance of surviving the surgery (which was performed by going through her back, cutting out a rib, and then correcting the problem with her heart), and that she would not live even a year longer without it.

    I also learned that at the time of this surgery, my mother received blood transfusions. She explained that "the Society" did not forbid blood transfusions at that time; that came later, in 1945 I think.

    My mother survived, met my father when he returned from the war (he was a WWII Navy Veteran), married him, and gave birth to me and my sister.

    I was very young, but even then I could see the connection. No surgery, no marriage, no me. Blood transfusions, I was told, were BAD. I was told that under absolutely no circumstances, including danger to life itself, was I to have a blood transfusion. I was even told, "No one has ever lived BECAUSE of a blood transfusion. People simply survive blood transfusions." But my mother would have never even had her surgery if she had refused blood in 1944. No surgery no marriage no me

    But... but... but...

    You could say the seed was planted.

    Of course I absorbed everything I was taught. I had 3 children by C-section, refusing blood each time. I am rH negative and accepted Rhogam therapy as I was told IT was okay. I am VERY thankful that none of my children ever needed a blood transfusion, until...

    Fast forward more than 40 years from my mom telling me about her surgery. This past April, my youngest daughter delivered by C-section following a very difficult labor. She lost half of her blood volume. She had a very high fever and a very rapid heart rate. The doctors were afraid she was going to go into cardiac arrest. She couldn't go to the NICU to breastfeed her baby due to being so sick.

    She had never been baptized, but she had been "raised in the truth". She was refusing blood. Her fiance was begging her to change her mind. Her father (inactive, but still considers himself a JW) was simply being stoic and refusing to talk about the matter. I decided I had to do something. I sent everybody out of the room, and this is what I told her:

    "I'm not going to tell you what to do. You must make this decision yourself. However I will tell you that I would go and donate blood for you right now if the hospital would let me (they would let me donate, but I couldn't designate the donation for her specifically). Also, I think you should know this. When your dear grandmother was just a little older than you, she had heart surgery and received blood transfusions. That heart surgery saved her life. In a very real sense, neither you nor I would even be here without those blood transfusions. Listen to your heart, and I will support whatever decision you choose to make."

    She called her fiance and sent the rest of us out. Her father left (perhaps he sensed what was going on). When I came back in, the nurse was heading out to find the doctor to get the blood ordered.

    My daughter received 2 units of blood and was well almost immediately. She was able to hold her precious daughter that very day.

    That early seed of doubt bore good fruit, to my way of thinking?

    What was your first seed of doubt?

    Nana R

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    That was such a moving experience, I'll have to think about my first seed of doubt and get back to you.

    Warlock

  • zev
    zev

    wow. forget about mine.... that was a moving experience. welcome to the board!!!

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Your wisdom and happy-ending experience has brought tears to my eyes, Nana. Thank heavens you are strong enough and wise enough and empathetic enough to rise above this man-made-madness.

    My first big sticking point was how I saw truly repentant disfellowshipped ones being treated. THEY NEEDED HELP, LOVE, AND SUPPORT, and instead, they get nothing. A real turning point was when I saw a very close disfellowshipped friend of mine walking (on a dirt road, no less) to the Kingdom Hall in the pouring rain and car after car of "true Christians" passed him on the road.

    I never really forgave my Mom for not stopping the car and picking him up that day, all those many years ago. It became quite clear to me that they might be sincere, but they were dead wrong. I realized then that I knew Jehovah far better than they did, and I couldn't be part of that anymore.

    Cheers to you. We're so glad you're here. Welcome.

    Baba.

  • james_woods
    james_woods

    Seems like I have posted mine about 5 or 6 times - but the short form of it is this:

    I was assistant congregation servant in a little town in Oklahoma at age 20 (pioneered where the need was great). This was in 1969. A local college professor had flummoxed one of the pubs in d to d by saying that the NWT was a false translation by way of the fact that the translators had just inserted the name Jehovah here and there in the new testament without any documented proof that it was ever there.

    I did some special research on my own so I could go back and prove him wrong. Guess what I found out? He was right, the society had cooked up a phony excuse basically because they wanted Jehovah in there.

    That was the first seed. Unbelievably, I just trudged on through 1975 all the way until 1980, when Marion and Ed Dunlap told me all about the Ray Franz story and how Ed had been kicked out of Bethel and Ray DFd for having lunch with his boss.

    So you might say I had sort of a long fade - ten years time my brain should have been working in the first place.

    Your blood issues story is probably the first time I have ever heard of a person receiving blood before it was outlawed, and later having to live under the new rule - great experience!

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    That Earthquaqes had decreased in the 20th century

  • 95stormfront
    95stormfront

    I remember, fresh from being dunked at a circuit assembly, I was out "in the feild" with my wife and we stopped by this gentleman's house. He was nice and was more than interested in talking to us and invited us in. while inside he let us go through our presentation and took the magazines, but then he started peppering us with questions relating to the origins of JW and the WT questions I now know was designed to get us to think. Since they were questions we weren't prepared to answer, we thought it would be better if we got the elder who was leading the bunch that day to stop by the man's house thinking maybe he could answer the questions and turn him into a potential study. but, when we asked the elder could he accompany us back to the house, after we'd told him which house it was he flat out refused. Rejected, we decided that we'd had enough for the day and we went to our car and prepared to leave. At the time, we had a small two-door compact and I could see the sneers and looks of disapproval on their faces as we passed them on the street on our way out of the neighborhood. That day had a lasting effect on me. It was this that really made me wake up and take notice of what was going on around me in my little witness world. After this awakening, they crack started to appear and only got wider the long I tried to rationalize them. I saw the blatant hypocrisy, the socially arranged marriages, the constant and guilt ridden pleas for more and more of your time and money. It got to the point for me that I felt I couldn't do anything fromo sunup to sundown unless it had a WT logo or stamp of approval on it. One day after I'd had enough and while leaving almost tore the front door off the hinges of the apartment we was renting at the time, a couple of elders came by to try to talk to me and see what the problem was. but, I realized that they weren't interested in me, only the agenda they were trying to push. More study, more meetings, more prayer......the prepackaged solution to every problem in JW world. They continue to to this to this day, some 15 years after that meeting in the apartment. In my home just a few months ago, it was the same deal, just study and come back to the meetings.....that is the only way you'll be truly happy. the next time my wife tells me they're coming over, she'll be warned that they'd better cross the threshold in "guest-mode" and not "WT enforcer under the guise of encouraging" mode or they're going to be tossed out on their ass!!!

  • DannyBloem
    DannyBloem

    basically, science and the story of the flood

  • moshe
    moshe

    Thank you for sharing that with us NanaR- no one could have made up a story like that, and welcome.

    Mine is the rule change allowing organ transplants in 1980. -for about 13 years prior to that it was labeled cannibalism and forbidden for JW's by the watchtower publications.. I questioned the blood guilt of the Org. due to the needless deaths of witnesses who needed an organ transplant. It took another 7 years to simmer before I finally left.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    What an incredible experience.

    For me it was a question on God's direction of the Organization. A married couple were close friends of mine when I was at Bethel. The husband was appointed as an elder in my congregation. A year later it was discovered that for the previous seven years he had been committing adultery. While living at Bethel he was committing adultery and while committing adultery he was appointed an elder. Where was Jehovah’s Holy Spirit in the decision to appoint that brother an elder? If holy spirit does not direct appointments, why believe it directs understanding doctrine, or leading the Watchtower Society in any other way?

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