My Story

by rmayer32 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • rmayer32
    rmayer32

    Hello everyone,

    Being new here and reading some of the stories here I thought I would add mine. Not being as dramatic as some of them out there still thought I would share:)

    I was born a JW as my mom was raised one from the time she was a toddler. My dad met her at meetings when he was attending with his brother and so they wound up getting married etc.. etc..

    My father was never much of a JW though he was baptized. He went to the hall most of the time but never really got into it. He was disfellowshiped in 1974 for refusing to quit smoking..LOL This caused some problems at home but my mom stayed and always went to the meetings which of course beings I was 4 years old, I found myself always going along as well.

    It was around the time I was 13 I guess when I started to really take an interest in "the Truth" and decided to start doing more. I found myself going out in service virtually all of the time as well as being very active in the ministry school and things like that. I always got along with everyone very well including elders it seemed so I took to it naturally I suppose. It was 1985 when I was 14 years old that I decided to take the baptism step myself at a district convention in Madison Wisconsin. From there I aux pioneered all the way through the summer of 1986 and that was when I started having some problems. Problems for teenagers I guess can be expected and when I took the dip I just didn't realize how it could happen. Sure enough I started slowly fading away from meetings little by little. My mother wasn't very happy with that but it came and went in streaks. I started hanging out with worldly friends from school and yes even started smoking cigarettes here and there and took up a bit of a liking for beer:) Anyway somebody spotted me smoking one day so I was told and my mom and I were called into a commitee meeting. Needless to say I was told how wrong I was and blah, blah, blah.. Well first of all I felt like telling them what I really thought but not wanting to hurt my mother I went along and agreed to knock it off and tried my best to be a good JW. I was privately reproofed and that was that. Then myself and a couple of other JW buddies were out one night about 6 months later and we had some beer in the car, and were just having fun. Well the kid who was driving didn't clean up his car very well and his mother caught wind of what was going on.. So there was another meeting with the elders all 3 of us and our parents. I was the only one baptised at the time and while they were reprimanded heavily I once again found myself privately reproved. Little did I know at that moment I became a target by one elder in particular. A little time went by and my mom and I were at the Sunday meeting when this elder came up to us afterwards and asked if we could hang around a little while so he could talk to us. At this point by the way I was doing everything in the world to be "good" so I didn't think anything of it. Next thing I know he calls us both into a makeshift judicial hearing with 3 elders there asking me about some party a few JW teens had thrown the night before from the other cong in town. They boozed it up big time I guess in what started as a JW gathering..LOL Well they weren't people I hung out with anyway so I didn't know anything and told them so. The one elder didn't want to believe me and I picked up on that right away. I was pissed to say the least.. I almost told them to go straight to hell then and there. Alas for the fear of hurting my mother I did not and after verifying with her (who was pretty pissed at them herself) that I was home the entire evening this took place they let me go. That was the beginning of the end for me as it was 1987 at this point and I started not going to the meetings and fell right back into smoking, drinking and hanging out with guys from school. After not being to the hall in a few months I got called in again where one of the guys I got caught drinking with the other time said he seen me smoking..LOL Here we go again I thought, this time stabbed in the back by a guy who had NO room to talk. So I told them that is possible and they publicly reproved me which surprised me considering I was showing little remorse at this point and flatly told them everything I could think of about the SOB that told on me. My mom was hurt but at least I wasn't disfellowshiped so to her that eased her somewhat. I may as well had been. I attended probably 2 meetings after being publicly humiliated with that one. Finally by the end of 1988 being 18 by now and totally not ever wanting to go back I DA'd myself the first week of 1989. My mom was hurt but I couldn't go on with even attempting to be something I was not, nor was I going to be involved with an organization that totally witch hunted people. Many if not most of the JW's I grew up with were hunted down the same way and some in worse ways. I joined the United States Navy at the age of 18 (which really got some scrutiny from them I later heard from people) and fought the Persian Gulf WAr.. I stayed in the Navy until 1998. I was married and had 3 kids then my wife left me with the 3 kids so I got out to care for them as being a single parent in the military wasn't something I wanted to do. When I came back home afterwards an elder stopped by the house. I knew this guy since I was a kid and he was nice asking me if I ever thought of coming back and inviting me to the hall. I thanked him but declined. Since that time I am remarried to a wonderful woman and we are expecting our first child together making a nice total of 4 great kids. I have a great job, a great family and a lot better life then i would have if I would have continued pretending all of those years. The funny part though is it took me close to 10 years to de-program myself. I really thought I was doomed all of those years. Finally after searching and studying the bible on its own merits I understand that isn't the case. Also my mom has been inactive since about 1991. Never happy with the way they dealt with me she just stopped going.

    I guess to me it's amazing to read the horror stories of many people and I feel so much sympathy for so many of the stories that I've read here. In my own dealings with the JW's I found it amazing at a young age as to how hyprocritical they can be. 1 day they're your best friend but if you make a mistake you're flagged and then they got you.

    It is a shame.

    Sorry for rambling.. and thanks for listening.. I hope to talk to you all on here quite a bit.:)

    Rick

  • individuals wife
    individuals wife

    Hi Rick

    Good to have you here, and so glad to see your story had a happy ending. Like you I do not consider my time in the JWs to be as dramatic as some of the accounts that I read here, but I guess that even a less dramatic time in the organisation can still affect you for many years afterwards. I too disassociated myself after finally opening my eyes to the hypocrisy and prejudice that I was seeing. No longer could I go to the meetings in good conscience and certainly I could no longer pioneer, teaching things to people that I myself did not believe.

    Your story shows that there indeed a chance of having a good, fulfilling and happy life after the organisation, the JWs seem to believe that if you no longer belong to their society that you will not be able to have happiness or a direction in life. How untrue that is - I can honestly say that since I left last Nov, with my husband also leaving with me by the way, I have never been more happy, more content, more determined to make my life a success. I have gone back to college, embarked on voluntary work and have an application for university being processed at this moment! Never could I have considered any of this if I had remained a JW. I now look forward to a better future, and also a better future for my children too.

    Like I said - welcome to this site - I hope it gives you whatever you need - encouragement, a place to vent, a chance in indulge in lively debate - whatever you need. I personally come here to reaffirm what I already know, to stay determined in remaining out of the organisation and to give me a boost when I have had a bad day - I am surrounded by JWs where I live which means a constant round of shunning on a daily basis - it no longer upsets me, just makes me so very angry. It is good to know I am not alone.

  • rmayer32
    rmayer32

    Hello Individuals Wife,

    Thanks for the words.. Sounds like everything is going great for you. The shunning you speak of though is something that I have always found so childish. It's just a shame that people can be so easily blinded. I know like most I lost very good friends because of me leaving the organization. Sometimes I find it amusing though I must admit.

    It is good to see people on this board and talk about things such as this. For people I think who have had more dramatic times with the JW's I think this kind of fellowship can only help.

    Take care and keep it up

    Rick

  • mymailmum
    mymailmum

    I feel so sad for you...you have given so much of your life to Jehovah and then you gave up when under test.

    Jehovah does not forget what you did for his name. But girl, you failed a test that all of Jehovah's Witnesses have to go thru. WE DO NOT SERVE AND WORSHIP PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY IMPERFECT PEOPLE!

    You were tested like Job but you forgot to turn to Jehovah in pray to help you during the hardest test we all go thru. He would have guided you on what to do... then you would know for sure that He is real.

    Are you with your new church people praising Jehovah and teaching people about the only hope of the Kingdom? You know you
    are not...but you know deep down that is what we are to do.

    Jehovah has a perfect track record, EVERYTHING he says is going to happen...

    Jesus said these apostates would come. They have all decided to jump off the bridge and you have followed. Just like Judas Escariot.

    If I would have stayed in the Kingdom Hall just because of the people, imperfect people just like me, believe me I would have left a long time ago. I love Jehovah and if he allows certain things to continue for a time, then that is His decision.

    Satan is the one testing all of Jehovah's people...he wants company.
    And all those aposates that have failed their test of faith in Jehovah want company too. And they cry about it all over the internet.

    Why are they not coming to my door if they are so loving and they know what is going to happen in the future?

    I cannot begin to tell you all the stuff I have personally gone thru over the years but I can tell you, I have seen ALOT. And each time I have had to make personal adjustments and sometimes even changed congregations where there were even apostates within, girl we are close to the end and you HAVE TO have a close relationship with Jehovah to get thru this. It is the only way...Please find a Hall that you feel comfortable and loved in...I know it is there for you... for sure...I trust in Jehovah! NOT imperfect MAN!

  • Bridgette
    Bridgette

    Dear Rick,
    Welcome aboard! I hear more stories of great marriages (after atrocious ones while in the org) and good careers/jobs than bad. They have you believing that if you ever leave, you'll wind up a crack addicted, wild-eyed, leperous, depraved beast, if you ever leave. And what I find most is folks just getting on with life.
    Good luck on your journey. AND your new arrival. I am now in a great marriage myself (after an abusive one with a JW), and we are expecting our baby in February.
    Blessings,
    Bridgette

  • larc
    larc

    Mymailmum,

    Just how close to the end are we now anyway? You know that "God's people" have been preacing this for over 120 years. That is a looooong time. It is hard to keep a sense of urgency for that many years, but your literature keeps at it. Have ever read the literature before and after 1914? How about before and after 1925 and 1975?, or don't those mistakes matter.

    My mother's four aunts became believers back in the 1920's. They are dead after living very long lives. My mother studied with them when I was four years old. She is dead. I was told by my friends that I would not graduate from college before Argmaggedon came. My friends are grandparents now. Some, soon will be great grandparents. You see, for me, it is a tad difficult to get all excited about end times predictions after all I have seen. Since you are young, history doesn't matter to you, does it.

  • mymailmum
    mymailmum

    Your question:
    Just how close to the end are we now anyway?

    Your generation and possibly mine is coming up on a
    time that is "close" to the end for those who want to
    prove that they can serve their Creator till the
    end...
    the end could be the end of that person's life or it
    could be the end of false religion and the end of
    man-made governments.

    The end to me is proving myself faithful to my loving,
    very loving Creator, Jehovah God, who makes the sun
    rise on good people and wicked...till he decides the
    wicked will be no more. And if I die, I truly pray to
    Jehovah each day that I die faithful, like your
    mother!
    When she awakens will you be there to greet her or
    not?
    To remain faithful till the end...The Ultimate!
    Your Mom was the ultimate sister!

    It's a good thing we did not live during Noah's
    time...that really happened you know, even South
    American Tribes who have never seen a Bible say there
    was a flood and 8 people survived! No one wanted to
    wait and see and prove themselves faithful to their
    Creator except 8 people who proved themselves faithful
    till the end.

    Jesus proved himself faithful till the end and so did
    Abraham, Job and alot of other people. They fell
    asleep in death like your mom. Jehovah says he will
    NEVER forget what we do for Him.

    Jehovah NEVER breaks his promises...like I said
    earlier...a perfect track record! No one can compare!

  • think41self
    think41self

    Hi Rick

    Welcome to the board. I'm glad you jumped in and gave us some of your story. I am especially glad that you did NOT have to suffer some of the more traumatic events that many here have. I am especially glad that you were able to de-program yourself. Living with doubts is not a comfortable way to live. Congrats on your fourth child coming soon, and congrats on finding someone great to share your life with!!!

    think41self

    "Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

  • think41self
    think41self

    To Mymailmum,

    You said:

    If I would have stayed in the Kingdom Hall just because of the people, imperfect people just like me, believe me I would have left a long time ago. I love Jehovah and if he allows certain things to continue for a time, then that is His decision.

    So you are saying that Jehovah ALLOWS pedophiles to continue to molest thousands of innocent witness children? Gee, is that a test for them too? How exactly is a 5 year old girl tested BY JEHOVAH by being raped by an elder? Hmmmm? I would dearly love to hear your explanation of that one.

    think41self

    "Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

  • mymailmum
    mymailmum

    Your quote:
    "So you are saying that Jehovah ALLOWS pedophiles to continue to molest thousands of innocent witness children? Gee, is that a test for them too? How exactly is a 5 year old girl tested BY JEHOVAH by being raped by an elder? Hmmmm? I would dearly love to hear your explanation of that one."

    If my 5 year old had been sexually molested by an elder this would be the worst thing anyone could ever do to me and my child aside from murder.
    I would not be able to be in the same area as the person, I would definitely direct my anger to where the source of the problem started which would be Satan, NOT JEHOVAH. Jehovah does not leave us with no way out. He will make it so that the person who did this horrendous act of depravity will reap what he has sown. Jehovah is not one to be mocked. Just as David and Manasseh in the Bible suffered greatly in their households after the depraved things they did, the same with this person, he will reap what he has sown. And I have seen it in my lifetime and when Jehovah takes care of matters, he really cleans house, so to speak, He does not mess around.
    ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THIS PERSON WAS AN ELDER, MUCH MORE RESPONSIBILITY BEFORE JEHOVAH, MUCH LARGER PUNISHMENT TO PAY.

    Jehovah allowed (as we can see from history) the disgusting acts in Sodom and Gomorrah, FOR A TIME, from old man to young boy, all sexually depraved except a few people who listened and fled before JEHOVAH DID TAKE ACTION. But it is interesting to note that the only three (3) true acts of Jehovah, of destruction of humans, mentioned in the Bible all have to do with mankind's depravity.

    1.The FLood of Noah's time
    2.Sodom and Gomorrah
    3.The Great Tribulation

    And there was a Great Outcry in heaven because of the depravity as there is now a great outcry in heaven at what people are doing to Jehovah’s sheep. The Great Tribulation WILL once again rid the earth of this depravity…. then Satan will be destroyed and we will not have any depraved influence to corrupt us. It will happen. Please stick around so that you can see it!

    Jehovah warned first of the destruction, gave those who loved what is right a chance to get out, then destruction of those who were truly wicked.

    If this happened to my child or myself as a child I would hope that I would never give up on Jehovah because He is the only power STRONG ENOUGH that I could tap into to help me try to make life good for my child or myself. Otherwise the source of all my pain would have the victory over me or my child. I would not let that happen! I would not turn away from Jehovah, He did not cause this.
    I would direct all my anger and hate to the one deserving of it and that is Satan.
    From my observation over the years, I think this horrendous act of Satan’s influence is the worst possible way he can attempt to destroy people’s faith in Jehovah especially when he uses an elder. I am not making excuses for so-called elders who do these things. They have allowed themselves to draw away from the SOURCE of all things clean and pure and loving, Jehovah God and THEY WILL PAY FOR IT. As sure as Jehovah made the law of gravity that holds us to the ground, He has made laws that no man can change or even try to change or break without suffering the consequences. Jehovah’s laws stand.

    When we are hurt emotionally, that is when we are the weakest, so we need Jehovah’s Spirit ,his powerful force to make us strong enough to understand why he allows wicked things to happen to us,for a time. On our own, we could NEVER begin to understand without his spirit, we would only dwell on the hurt…dwelling so much on it that we would FORGET to tap into the powerful spirit that he gives us to help us endure,
    TILL HE ACTS, WHICH HE WILL!

    I would be removing myself from the situation until Jehovah cleans the situation. I would travel to the most distant part of the earth, if I had to, to find a loving congregation, with loving people to congregate with while I built myself and my child up spiritually, always reassuring my child that it is ONLY JEHOVAH that can make the pain go away. I would find a Kingdom Hall where true shepards are, NOT WOLVES which Jesus foretold would be within the true Christian congregation in the last days.

    We have a wrestling with wicked spirit forces and the only force strong enough to help us in this battle is Jehovah. I would feel as though I were depriving and neglecting my child if after all they went through, I did not TEACH THEM TO BE SPIRITUALLY STRONG and CLOSE TO THEIR CREATOR, Jehovah God, who is the only one who can relieve the pain.

    I would teach my child about the faithful and discreet slave class that is feeding us properly and the only place to get that spiritual food is at the Christian meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses, the majority of who are doing what Jehovah asks of them.

    I would teach my child that we do not go to the meetings for the people; we go to learn about Jehovah and how we can be close to Him. I would never leave my child with no way out, just as Jehovah does not leave us with no way out… if we remember to pray to him for guidance and strength. That is a fact, I hope you will take to heart someday soon.

    WE MUST yield to Jehovah, HE has the right of way
    He WILL take care of things.
    Please-you must never give up on this fact!

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