At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose............" - Erica Jong

by Sunnygal41 22 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sunnygal41

  I was thinking this morning about an incident that happened yesterday and came to a very welcome realization………..like Rett Butler, I simply don’t give a damn……..what other’s preconceived notions or expectations of me are anymore.I am happy, and content with who and where I am in my life.It’s a good place to be emotionally and mentally, after being soooo tormented for so many years……….with all the negative people pleasing baggage I carried around.It’s like Erica Jong said:“ At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore.”It’s a great place to be, as a woman.Anyone else care to share?

  Terri
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  parakeet

  This madwoman agrees that one of the compensations of aging is the release from the desire to please everyone around me.
  
  The peace of mind that comes with finally being comfortable with who I am is a treasure I wouldn't trade for anything, not even for the chance to be young again.
  
  parakeet, of the middle-aged-but-loving-it class
• 

  LongHairGal

  Parkeet:
  
  I agree with you. It is great to be comfortable with who you are and be free of the desire to "please" people around you.
  
  Really, if you analyze it, are the people around you trying to PLEASE you? If you are worried what "everybody" thinks, stop for a moment and ask yourself if anybody is asking what YOU think? You will find the answer is probably "no".
  
  I am an eccentric independent person. I didn't plan it, it just turned out that way. I found I was criticised by some in the hall who were puzzled because I didn't appear to "need" anybody or didn't appear to "care" what anybody thought. That was not entirely true. I did want friends. The difference was that I was NOT willing to abase myself so that arrogant or kook personalities could feel better about themselves.
  
  All in all, it was an unhealthy environment for my self-esteem which I had no intention of sacrificing for those idiots.
  
  
  LHG
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  parakeet

  "Really, if you analyze it, are the people around you trying to PLEASE you? If you are worried what "everybody" thinks, stop for a moment and ask yourself if anybody is asking what YOU think? You will find the answer is probably 'no'."
  
  
  
  
• 

  Sunspot

  like Rett Butler, I simply don’t give a damn……..what other’s preconceived notions or expectations of me are anymore.I am happy, and content with who and where I am in my life.It’s a good place to be emotionally and mentally, after being soooo tormented for so many years……….with all the negative people pleasing baggage I carried around.

  ((((Terri))))

  This pretty well sums it up for me too! I have even TOLD others in my circle now.....about the "negative people (I refer to them as toxic people) and how I now choose to have nothing to do with them. Years of trying to please them or have them pull their acts on me....are OVER, and I simply do not care who likes it and who does not. It makes things ever so much simpler at my age and where I'm "at" right now.

  So MANY wonderful people have come into my life since I left the WTS, and even more recently around the time of my son's BBQ in September and the events that followed. I don't WANT OR NEED the unwanted "drama" in my life and I am much more content with this mindset! I wish I had smartened up YEARS ago.....but I guess these things come when we are ready.

  Great to hear you're in the same boat, Terri!

  hugs,

  Annie
• 

  valkyrie

  Well, I am admittedly not [EDITED: oops! bit of an error there!] qualified to speak on the topic, however... my wife received this humourous and seemingly appropriate (to the topic) e-mail only a few days ago. Perhaps someone here can relate?

  GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMANBetween 18 and 22,
  a woman is like Africa;
  half discovered, half wild,
  naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
  
  Between 23 and 30,
  a woman is like America;
  well developed and open to trade,
  especially for someone with cash.
  
  Between 31 and 35,
  a woman is like India; very
  hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
  
  Between 36 and 40,
  a woman is like France;
  gently aging but still warm,
  and a desirable place to visit.
  
  Between 41 and 50,
  a woman is like Great Britain;
  with a glorious and all conquering past.
  
  Between 51 and 60,
  a woman is like Yugoslavia;
  lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
  
  Between 61 and 70,
  A woman is like Russia;
  very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.
  
  After 70, she becomes Tibet.
  Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the
  wisdom of the ages, only those with an adventurous
  spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
  Between 1 and 70,
  a man is like Iraq
  --- ruled by a dick
• 

  Sunnygal41

  I am an eccentric independent person. I didn't plan it, it just turned out that way.

  LHG, that about sums me up, also..........I've always been that way, from childhood, and for years I cried my heart out because none of my peer group wanted anything to do with me. Then, when I became a witness, I thought all of that would change...........yeah, right. They are just as judgemental as others.
• 

  LongHairGal

  Sunnygal:
  
  I am sorry for the tears you shed because of people. I also was disillusioned like you were about the JWs. I tried to analyze it all and see if there was anything I could or SHOULD do about it. I realized it was a losing proposition for me. You cannot cater to people in life and expect to retain your sanity and self-esteem. It is like trying to please a 2 year old.
  
  This also carries over into the workplace as well. You can be nice to a point but with some people it is hopeless. Don't ever try to placate a jealous personality, because you can't.
  
  
  LHG
• 

  LongHairGal

  Sunnygal:
  
  On a somewhat related note: BOUNDARIES.
  
  I found they did not respect boundaries there, especially if you were a single woman. I don't think they know what the word even means. If they felt it was their "job" to overstep their boundaries, well I felt it was MY job to stop them.
  
  I felt I had to "withdraw" and be reserved to some degree because all they wanted was to know YOUR business and tried to get you to do favors.
  
  Once, I decided to do a little private survey and observe just WHO did favors. What I found was interesting. It was always the same few "suckers" who did favors (kindly sisters who were on the fringes). All the "in" people in the cliques didn't do them. Maybe they had gatherings (for each other that is) but that was it. Of course, people like me were hardly ever invited to such gatherings.
  
  I was resolved never to do favors for anybody there.
  
  LHG
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  jgnat

  I can relate, sister. True freedom is to be free of embarrassment. There's nothing to hide any more, my body HAS lumped up and flowed south. Errant hairs DO sprout from my chin. And yet, I command respect. Why? Because I am free to be all me, indoors and out.

  Two links well worth a dingle:

  http://www.famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/jenny_joseph/poems/2840

  http://www.redhatsociety.com/