Elder's wife nosing in... need help with a letter

by merfi 23 Replies latest social family

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  merfi

  
  Thanks so much for your replies. I know it needs toned down, if I'll even to send it. I do realize that they THINK they're doing a wonderful thing by trying to get Syd to the meetings; they sincerely believe that they are saving her life. And I know to try to overlook the brainwashing and see the humans underneath with genuine, heart-felt motives (albeit cult-influenced)... it's just kinda hard sometimes, especially when it involves my babies. We had SUCH a great several months without the JW bugging us -- holidays, b'days and they've just handed me their 'dear Santa' lists. So this was a big momma bear moment for me where I saw red and that was it for any sort of common sense. Which is why I posted here -- I knew I'd get great ideas and suggestions. So... thank you. :)

  I'll sleep on it for a bit, mull some ideas and see how I feel in however long it takes to clear my head of this.
  
  ~merfi
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  JWdaughter

  You have a right to that mama bear moment. I would tone down the anger re: the religion, and stick to the facts-she is trying to alienate your daughter(her intentions are immaterial in reality). If she takes her w/0 your permission it is kidnapping, and she has no business contacting a minor child and enticing her away from her parent, for the purposes of indoctrination, particularly when she is fully aware that YOU do not wish for her to indoctrinate your children. I would perhaps contact a lawyer to see what you can say that is factual and has some 'tooth' to it(preferably sharp and pointed). Your family or divorce atty. would probably have some guidelines or information for you-perhaps even brochures. Families go through a lot of relational crap after/during divorce regarding custody and visitation.
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  johnny cip

  merfi: you have no need to feel you have to turn it down or be nice. there is no nice with these people. they are disrespecting you . right now. and will not stop till you stop them. don't be afraid to scare them off. it's the only thing they understand. just by putting them on notice that you will call the police etc. and press charges. if they contact your child once more. no if's and's or butts. you don't need a lawyer. just the child welfare office or the district attorneys office. let them come down on the jw's . if they keep e mailing your child. john
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  parakeet

  I think you should take Blondie's suggestion and get rid of the doctrinal references, but other than that, it's a perfect "nip-in-the-bud" letter. I don't think it needs to be toned down at all. What this JW is doing is serious, and you have every right to be angry. This woman needs to be hit with the verbal equivalent of a 2x4. Anyone with the gall to try to subvert a child away from her parent's authority is not going to respond to a polite note. Let her have it with both barrels.
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  fullofdoubtnow

  Apart from the doctrinal references, I don't think you need to tone the letter down at all. Being firm with them, and maybe mentioning the kidnapping aspect of this, is probably the only thing they will take notice of. In the meantime, I would block this woman from your daughter's msn, and inform her why you are doing it.
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  2112

  I would handle it a bit differently. First you must realize that if she did take your child to a meeting or anywhere without your permition it would be kidnaping. But just offering to do so and not trying to inform you is coercion. So I would print out all the conversations they had on line. Then take them to the police and file a restraining order on the woman and her husband(he has to know what his wife was doing). Also any other JW that contacts your child this way.

  Don't send them a letter or they could in the future use it aginst you. No matter how politly you try and say it they could say it was threatning. So I would let the police do it.

  One more thing keep watching and when they contact your child again, they will as they will want to "Obey God as ruler...." blah blah blah. And when they do call the police and the media and expose them.

  Harsh I know, but if they get to your child they will have no problem in distroying your family.
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  LovesDubs

  What if this was someone pretending to be from the congregation? What if this child went to meet this person who offered to "pick them up" and it was a predator?? This chick has majorly overstepped her boundaries here.

  I wouldnt email her tho...I'd send it CERTIFIED and put on the bottom of it that you are sending a copy of it to MSN and to The Department of Child Services so that they have a record of it if this chick ever tries to pull this again...in ANY way shape or form, on the phone, in person, by mail, through a friend of the childs....this CANNOT be tolerated!

  I wouldnt change a thing. But dont let it go. Id have their kahonies in a wringer if they tried this shit with MY kids!
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  funkyderek

  merfi:

  I don't know the details of your situation but I'd be inclined to take the elder's wife at her word - that she misses you and your family. So invite her and her family round for dinner. Allow them to join you in a family activity. Any of the normal things that friends do. Make it clear that if she wants to be friends - real friends - you will welcome her with open arms, but if she's just trying to indoctrinate your children, you'll rip off her head and $hit down her neck.
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  LovesDubs

  you had me worried there for a second Funk LOL!
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  bebu

  Since it is unclear about what the boundaries have been before this chat, I don't know if you can really say that it could be considered attempted kidnapping or coercion. Offering to pick someone up to go somewhere is not inherently illegal--unless there was the knowledge that doing so would be going against a prohibition she knew about.

  "Didn't you know we'd miss you?" What an idiotic comment from people who are causing the "missing". Does that imply, though, that you (her mom) were not necessarily missed? Be sure your daughter understands how manipulative it is for them to 'woo' her, while treating you so shamefully.

  I would sternly reply that your daughter is forbidden to communicate with people, whether online, on the phone, in a KH, or anywhere else, who refuse to also talk freely with you. That is, you do not trust the motives of people who cannot/will not talk freely with you. Let this woman know you therefore forbid her to contact your daughter (and any other child), and will not hesitate to inform authorities if she continues.

  I hope your daughter feels a justified anger about your treatment, and doesn't feel swayed by the sweet attention. I hope she is able to say clearly and simply to anyone who has cut you off: "If you refuse to speak to my mom, I refuse to speak with you."

  ( @ the elder's wife)

  bebu