Butalbee
Really glad to hear you got things sorted out.
all the best
spider
JW & NON-JW RELATIONSHIP
by TheRecordCollector 19 Replies latest social relationships
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spider
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TheRecordCollector
Dear Butalbee;
Thank you for your letter and words of encouragment. I HAVE told her that ws is a cult. BIG MISTAKE. Just pray for us please.
Doug
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TheRecordCollector
Since she left the store where we worked, she has said that she doesn't want to be friends, because I'm not a witness, and that a man & woman cannot have a plutonic relationship without romantic feelings coming into play.
I think she's afraid of having romantic feelings for me, and since I'm not a witness, maybe she thinks that would lead her away fom God.
She has since stopped answering my emails...she MAY even have blocked my address. And I learned, that if it HAS been blocked, no notice of the blocking will come back to me. So, I don't know if she has recieved my letters or not.
Doug
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spider
You need to become her best friend, without the stress of romantic intentions by you to her. You need to connect with her on a deeper level--when you look into her eyes--do you know what she is thinking? You need that "cosmic connection" with JW if you are ever able to break through to their hearts.
You're comment struck me as incredibly true. I thought it might be just me that likes to be good friends first.Just me that likes to know a person's mind and heart and soul before committing himself.
Perhaps though it was part of th conditioning.I think we were taught to treat relationships seriously.Most did not commit themselves to courtship unless they knew that person quite well already.Even though I left the witnesses three years ago I still have these values which I find tend to make having relationships so much harder in many ways.Hopefully though, more rewarding.
Butalbee is right in just about everything she said.Focussing on the romantic relationship so early without really becoming close enough mentally and emotionally would friek her out.
There are so many implications to dating a non-witness. There is so much pressure from the peer group and the leaders to marry only in the religion.To not obey could mean losing the approval of everyone she values, being cut off from them completely.She would also be losing God's approval,as far as she would see it.
Then there is the fact that worldly people are demonized.You have bad morals - you will want to sleep with her blah,blah,blah.These and more,are messages she has been conditioned with for as long as she's been a witness.
Of course the prospect of losing everything would friek her out.To have any hope of things going in you're favour, she needs to already care very deeply for you.So deeply that she would consider going against everything in her life to be with you.
That's what you're up against.
My advice would be to let it go.
Easier said than done though, I guess. -
TheRecordCollector
Thanks for your help.
Doug
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TheRecordCollector
"Letting Go" is not an option
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TheRecordCollector
Due to my stupidity and selfishness. A mutual friend came back to work today...she went home to Russia for a while.
Today I asked her have you talked to (Angel) yet?
She said no, that someone told her that (Angel) and changed her phone number.
Gang, What can I do........? "Giving Up" or "Letting Go" is NOT an option here.
She said awhile back "I bet you think of me every minute of every day and night don't you?" Of course, I answered "Yes."
I still do. I miss her incredibly.
BUTALBEE...I didn't know you were of the female persuasion...can you shed any light on what I might do.....?
Doug
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butalbee
In my situation, to tell you the truth, I backed off, I left him alone, I was hurt by his demon brother's comments and it made me second guess even my feeling for him to the point where I would rather loose him in my life, than face up to it. He came back to me, I didn't come to him. But unlike you and your angel, we were very close friends to begin with. TO BEGIN WITH.
If you really care for this lady, do yourself a favor--give yourself and her some time. Dig deep inside yourself to figure out if she is really this incredible love in your life or just an obsession. Sometimes an obsession can mask itself as true love...
After giving it some time, and if in your heart you figure things out...STOP CHASING HER(that's how she feels, like she's being chased, and that is not appealing).
How much do you really know about her? Do you and her have anything in common? Do you really know what makes her tick? Or are you just attracted to her exterior? My friend and me have a lot in common, and he once told me, quite a while ago, that he felt like he knew me all his life.
I wish you hadn't been so open with your feelings to her, Witnesses can't date outside their religion, so unless that person already cares for you a great deal, it will never be. She's right that a man and a woman can't have a platonic relationship, but as a woman, myself, her saying that is a sign that somehow, someway she is in fact feeling something for you--she wouldn't say that unless she thought about it.
Jw's can send mix signal, be forewarned.
Do you know of any place where she goes, where you could just wind up? Like does she go shopping at a certain time at a certain place? Someplace, where you could casually "notice" her and go over to her and say hello? Look into her eyes, really look into her eyes, and tell me what you see. You can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes, you can communicate with someone by eye contact, saying a million words at a glance.
You've been so overwhelming with her, now you need to be subtle.
I am not telling you to let her go, I'm telling you to back off. You definitely need to think about your feelings for her. You need to build a friendship with her, something concrete, something that can develop into something much more, unfortunately it might be too late!
You need to do some soul searching...
Butalbee
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TheRecordCollector
I've been kicking myself for the way I behaved....I feel like an A#1 first class, charter member jack-ass. Yes, I came on wayyyy too strong.
Yes, I have done some soul-searching...She's been married and divorced twice, and has children (grown) by both marriages. In other words, trying to put this nicely...two other guy's have been "inside her", and that hurts me deeply...but I love her, and I accept her the way she is.
Your responce of Sept 29th, you said that if I am able to break through, (she) will show me the deepest, most incredible love that (I) could ever know." That brought tears to my eyes, because that's the kind of love I want to show Angel.
No, this is not an obession...it's love alright...She is a beautiful woman physically, a little "heavy", but that's ok...but this woman has a personality that...I don't know...there is just something "cosmic" there. The first time I saw her in shorts, well, you know how thigh's look on a woman that's a little heavy...but I saw that, and I said to myself, "I don't care...there's MUCH more to this woman than just physical beauty.
And don't get me wrong...it's NOT UGLY..not at all! Yes, I do know of a favorite Mexican restaurant she likes, I could try to meet up with her "acidentally" as you put it, but that may be boarderline lying and I don't want to lie to her - at all. Besides, she's very sharp.
Infact, it's like she know's me pretty well sometimes.She call's me a "sponge" because I pick up the SLIGHTEST detail about her. But she's the same way about me. Sometimes, we'd even finish each others sentences! It seem's like from time to time, she and I would make contact...but me not knowing her "trainned" mind, I screwed up every time.
She's on the internet alot, email and such...I wish she could read some of these letter's. I've looked at some other post, and didn't see her name or email...
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