by BrendaCloutier 121 Replies latest jw experiences
Ohhhhhhh, Brenda ---
I am so, so sorry for the pain you are going through.
My heart goes out to you, sweetie! {{{{ BRENDA }}}}}
And, not to be a worrywort, but if you must drive anywhere, please, please be sure you are really in condition to do so! Hope you don't mind, it's a Vigil auntie thing! Friends don't let friends drive when they are justifiably half out of their minds with anger and grief!
Hugs,
Marjorie
I'm so sorry - I'm still stunned at how this organization that I used to think representatived God can be so cruel.
We are pushed away from them and shunned like garbage for years on end and when we finally come to the decision to stay the hell away for the sake of our own mental health, we get blamed. It is so typical of the JWs. I am so, so , so sorry for your double loss. I thought I would get through this thread without crying, but I did not. I feel so sad for you and know what to expect myself from my family . . . so sad. I am amazed at how even-handedly you handled your emails. You are amazing. Do take time for yourself and have a true memorial for your mom, in your own space, time and way. The Witnesses won't, as you probably know. Lady Lee is right. Best wishes, hugs, condolences, Brenda.
Brenda,
I'm so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. (((hug)))
FreeChick
(((((Brenda))))) I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and the callous way you found out about it. There is absolutely no excuse for their hardheartedness toward you, and especially telling you that it was your own doing! What an a**hole!
I think you should write a really great, scathing letter. Dump all that shit back on them where it belongs. This is not your burden or your "doing" -- it is THEIRS. And once the letter has been sent, wash your hands of the whole thing. You have found the free person within you, so nurture her and embrace the love of the universe.
Lots of love and hugs,
Nina
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with you.
And when this dies down, I will have a scathing letter I will send to all family members denoucing them and their religion.
Brenda, it probably is a good idea to find a way to let them know how you feel. Please wait long enough to calm down some. This is a time when people might open their minds and hearts to you.Death has a way of making some people more real. Take advantage of this with carefully chosen, kind and profound words. You can let them know the way they have handled this is insanely hurtful in a way that that might touch their hearts. If you come at them with something too scathing, they will stop reading and throw your letter out. Lots of time, patience and care need to be put into this.
There is information about contacting family members about necessary business in the literature that you can share with them as well.
When I was in Lawrenceville, Ga. cong. back in the mid 1980's, the elders were there were of the kindred spirit, intelligent kind. They were very loving. One of the elders, a good friend of ours, well his son died in a car accident. He was only 19. His oldest sister was disfellowshipped and had let her parents know in no uncertain terms that she wished never to return to the org. But there she was at Robbie's memorial service. Sitting, crying with all kinds of witnesses comforting her. I asked her mother about it later. She said in the case of death, people could comfort disfellowshipped ones.
Not all JW's or congs impose such tragically sad and cruel standards on their congregants. But when they do, it's EVIL. Damned evil.
From Mother Val, a prayer: All shall be well. All shall be well. In all manner of things, all shall be well.
I bet that if you are alert to it, you will feel your mother's presence around you. My mother comes to me in the way of waves and hugs of goosebumps and shivers like nothing else. They last for a while. And then I get thoughts from her.
adding my hugs here too..
its unbelievable how callous and cold gods "loving" people can be!
hugs hugs hugs brenda.
Brenda - that is SO terrible, you deserve better than that. I'm so sorry. You are such a kind and caring person and giving to others. I'm just so sorry for your mom's passing and the way you found out and the trouble the cult has caused you. I wish I were there to bring you and your husband some food and give you a hug and sit there while you cry.
I'm so terribly sorry for what you're going through. It's horrible enough dealing with the emotions of losing a parent, but to have such callous family members at a time when families should be pulling together is just awful. What a despicable, hateful cult!
Please give yourself time to grieve before deciding what course of action you need to take concerning your family.
hugs
