I was lucky enough to have a friend at Bethel sneak me an early release copy of the New, “Revised Edition” of the “New World Translation” That is scheduled for release at next spring’s District Conventions.
Obviously, I haven’t been able to read ALL of it yet but I did glance through it and found some of the subtle changes that the FDS has seen as important revisions.
Here are some of the more notable ones in our new Bible:
Starting in Genesis….
The “forbidden fruit” is now a guy (with really nice shoes) named Stuart.
Enoch “went with God” and came back later with presents for everyone.
After Hagar and Ishmael were disfellowshipped, no one would even say hello to them or even make eye contact….. finally, dejected, they went into the desert.
Moses went before Pharaoh and said, “Let my people go… door-to-door”
After descending the mountain with the 10 commandments, Moses had Aaron go back up with him to help carry the 64 “Codes of Christian Conduct”
Elijah, while be taken up to heaven, tragically fell out of the chariot, to his untimely death.
Job’s (previously unmentioned) 4th friend accurately addressed the reason for the curse that Job was under… helped him fill out all of his late “time slips”, and then everything was restored to him.
Proverbs 4: now reads, “The light will grow brighter…sometimes it flickers a little but if the wise man will just tap on it a few times it’ll usually come back on and then it’ll be really, really bright! Like, you can’t even look right at it bright!”
Nebuchadnezzar became like a beast for seven years and then took 20 years to get cleaned up, compose himself, and stuff…. (Kinda’ helps explain the whole 607 BCE thingy)
The three “Wise*by worldly standards*Men”, who came to Christ’s birth, bearing gifts, were given a good, stern, talking too and decided to return their Pagan gifts (after the holiday rush) and took Joseph up his offer for free a in-tent papyrus study.
John the Baptist is now referred to as “John the Non-Denominational Dunkin’ Guy”
Jesus now died on the “Wheel of Mis-fortune”
Paul did not go into Asia Minor as it was a “gated community”
The Ethiopian eunuch replied to Phillip’s question about understanding by saying, “How can I understand unless someone sells me a lovingly prepared, companion booklet?”
The twelve disciples are now referred to as the twelve “Regular Disciples”.
As the 12 Regular Disciples gathered in the upper room… everyone passed the wine and bread around until Judas ACTUALLY took a drink! Three of the disciples immediately went into another little room and asked Judas to come in and explain his behavior.
Before leaving the 11 still active disciples, Jesus said, “No one knows the hour or day of my return… not even I. But if you look REALLY hard, I bet some of you guys can figure out the week! Here’s a little hint…When you try to “measure-up” it will pucker your “Sphinx-ter” when people call you a “Mummy’s Boy” but you will be in “Da-Nile”…..*chuckle-snort-snort*
Sneak Peek at the Revised "New World Translation"!!!
by gordon d 11 Replies latest jw friends
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gordon d
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Abandoned
Proverbs 4: now reads, “The light will grow brighter…sometimes it flickers a little but if the wise man will just tap on it a few times it’ll usually come back on and then it’ll be really, really bright! Like, you can’t even look right at it bright!”
LMAO!!!
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fullofdoubtnow
The Ethiopian eunuch replied to Phillip’s question about understanding by saying, “How can I understand unless someone sells me a lovingly prepared, companion booklet?”
Love it
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gaiagirl
1 Cor 7:25 now reads "Now concerning virgins I have no command from the Lord, but everything else I ever wrote or ever will write is absolutely inspired by the FDS, er, I mean by the holy spirit."
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frogit
What startled me the most was that some of the old faithfull books had been replaced:
Genesis: The Blind watchmaker by Richard Dawkins
Exodus: Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz
Mathew, Mark, Luke and John: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
and further more you can now buy it from Amazon inc P & P
frogit -
onesong
I was astonished to see that Luke 6:37 now reads "Moreover stop judging, and you will by no means be judged... unless you belong to the one true religion. Therefore judge all you want and know that you are right and everyone else is wrong."
I'm glad they cleared that one up.
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onesong
BTW, great stuff Gordon! Methinks you have much time on your hands.
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PrimateDave
Hi Gordon!
I, too, have been reading the RNWT! I was most impressed by the following scripture (available on the Watchtower Library CD-ROM 2007):
(Matthew 24:45-47) 45 “Who really is the faithful and discreet slave whom his master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time? The Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses. 46 Happy is that slave if his master on arriving finds him doing so. 47 Truly I say to YOU, He will appoint him over all his belongings and real estate in Brooklyn, New York.
Dave -
crazyblondeb
Now, whose gonna come clean up the coffee I just spewed on the monitor, since my maid is still MIA?!
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skyking
When I started reading your post I thought what the Hell. Have not had my coffee yet this morning, I re-read your first change at least three times about the forbidden fruit and those damn shoes don't getting it at all for a minute.
Thanks I am awake now!!!!
