I wrote my d'a letter several weeks ago, then my husband talked me out of posting it. However, with xmas coming up i didn't want to be looking over my shoulder all the time when xmas shopping, in case a dub was about, and that if it comes to it, i'd rather d'a myself than have them'kick' me out for whatever reason they can find.Plus i'm fed up with waiting for the axe to fall and i just want some closure on all this. The only reason i have given them for my leaving is that i know i would give my children blood if the need arose so don't see the point in going to meetings and pretending, when God knows how i feel anyway. I also said that i was sad re shunning that would happen as i care for many in the congregation, and also not to bother contacting me as i didn't want to discuss it further. I haven't told them about crisis of consc. book or this website(lol) because i know what would happen - i would be held up as an example to the rest of the congregation for the next 20 yrs, 'don't go on websites look at what happened to her' etc. Anyway just wanted to thank you all here because you all give tremendous advice and support and just want you all to know how valued you all are. Just wish i could drag hubby out but he's too scared. Guess when the jws at my sons school start ignoring me and my next door neighbour etc i will know they've announced it!
Finally posted my d'a letter today
by dobbie 8 Replies latest jw friends
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juni
Good evening dobbie,
I can understand how you feel and why you wrote your DA letter in the way you did. I felt much the same way when I wrote mine. I didn't want to have a meeting w/them and put myself through that; I had made up my mind and no one was going to change it. I didn't give them any reason; they just wanted to make sure I knew the ramifications. I said I did and to not bother me.
I wish you the best.
Peace,
Juni
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Narkissos
Congrats dobbie
Hope that eventually helps your hubby out of it too...
One question came to my mind when reading
not to bother contacting me as i didn't want to discuss it further
What is the usual attitude of elders today when they receive a d'a letter? Do they simply arrange for the announcement and fill the Society's forms, or do they try to meet the person and change their mind?
I was df'd 20 years ago, and back then a true disassociation (not disfellowshipping in disguise) was exceptional. I never heard of any such case myself when I was in the org., and receiving such a letter would have been very shocking. By all means the elders would have tried to meet with the person and "help" him/her. And even a statement such as yours would hardly have prevented them from trying.
Has disassociation become so commonplace among JWs that they almost expect it from the "inactive" or "weak"?
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fullofdoubtnow
Good for you dobbie. I da'd last year, and it does make the healing a bit easier as they tend to leave you alone. The elders tried to talk me out of it, and waited 3 weeks to announce me, but eventually they did it, and I haven't regretted it.
I hope it helps your husband to see the wts for what it is as well.
good luck
Linda
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dobbie
Narkissos - i'm not expecting them to get in touch with me as i have already had a run in with an elder a couple of months ago, also another one contacted my husband after that and wanted to come round, but said that I did'nt have to see or speak to him and one of them told someone that as i had cancelled my mags that was seen as an act of disassociating myself, so i have been v surprised they haven't announced anything since then. If they do contact me i will just say that i don't wish to discuss it further (cos i know they can only see the wts society side so its a waste of time) and walk away (and hope they get the hint!lol!
Linda - thanks, my husband does know what they really are like, but his mother (who has nothing to do with him anyway) and family on that side are all jws and he knows she'd cut him out, but also hes very scared of everything and body and hates the slightest confrontation so although he did originally say he was leaving also, he now says the opposite, although he doesnt go to meetings.He did say though that he wanted to wait and see what 'reaction' i get from them all - charming!
Juni - that's exactly how i feel about it - i don't want them to bother me with this, there's no WAY i'm going to change and go back knowing what i do now.
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juni
Narkissos said:
Has disassociation become so commonplace
I believe it has and just as a lot of elders don't do shepherding calls like they should, they accept these letters of DAing w/usually a phone call or letter (in my case) to make sure you know what a "serious" decision this is.
My opinion is that then they feel free from blame - free of blood guilt for doing their "job" which looks good when the CO comes around for his visit.
Quite a few who DA themselves have done nothing wrong except question their religion's teachings. All other religions I believe don't have a problem with that. Even the Scriptures say to "make sure of all things; hold fast to what is fine". But the WTB$TS have their own set of rules and you are to follow them without reserve.
Juni
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lmspink
Hi Dobbie
Congrats on what is the best decision of your life. I was disfellowshipped 8 years ago & have never felt so free! You have done the right thing & hopefully your husband will have the guts to do it at some stage too. It is a very brave thing to do so think of yourself as one of the lucky ones that actually had the courage to go through with it. All the best in living your life the way you want to.
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Abandoned
I'm happy for you making a stand. It's hard coming out of a dysfunctional relationship. I've been out for around four years now and I'm just starting to be able to talk about what's happened.
Good for you that you have resources for taking back your life. :-)
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uwishufish
If they come around say STEP OFF SATAN.