Stinky boys

mrsjones5

My oldest son is 12 and he has a friend the same age who lives across the street (I'll call him Gilbert). Gilbert likes to come over and play video games with my son. If I allowed it Gilbert would be over everyday possiblely spending quite a few overnite here too. He's an OK kid but he's got a problem, he's funky as all get out. I have noticed Gilbert's funk before (in passing) and have had him in my van where it was more pronounced. But last Friday and Saturday was the straw that broke the camel's back. My son invited Gilbert to go with him on an overnite with his boyscout troop Friday. When my son got home from school I told him to pack his stuff and take a shower. Gilbert arrived shortly after my son got home, funky as ever, ready to go. My son said to him "I gotta take a shower". I was watching closely and nothing registared on Gilbert's face. We got ready to go and loaded up my van with the kids. Good lord my van was so funky that my eyes almost started to water. This was going to be an overnite at a church so I knew that the boys would not have the opportunity to shower and that that funk was going to be even worst thet next day.

The next my husband picked Gilbert up to take him home and as I expected the smell was even worst.

What do I do about this? Gilbert has parents. I shouldn't have to sit the kid down and tell him to wash himself and use deodorant when his parents should be doing so. At this point I really don't want him in my house with him stinking like that.

*sigh*

Josie

lonelysheep

Slip some deoderant and soap or shower gel in his bag the next time he is in your house (or van). Don't boys that age love Axe products? Maybe he can catch on to the hint.

Or, can your son mention some kind words to him?

I remember being his age, and a friend of mine stunk so darn bad. We stuck deoderant in her desk when no one was looking, and eventually, the issue went away.

KW13

Maybe a kind word with Parents may do the trick? If not maybe you could invite him over for a sleepover and insist he (and of course your son) have a shower - don't say anything to him that you don't say to your son, insist on them BOTH NEEDING a shower.

SirNose586

I'm all about getting funky, but not funky to the olfactories.

This is a stinky situation because you can't say straight out, "Your kid is funkified." You're gonna have to slip this in some sort of conversation with Gilbert's dad. When I had sex ed in the 6th grade, we got sample bars of deoderant. You could casually mention that in conversation. Or, you could talk about a time when your own son got so funky, and you made him take a shower. "Did that ever happen with Gilbert?" you could ask. The point is to talk about personal cleanliness and ask how they deal with it in Gilbert, but not accuse them of being bad parents.

This might take some time, or you may have to do it late in the conversation...

fullofdoubtnow

I think making him take a shower when your son takes one is a good way to start. His parents must be aware of this problem, but might take offence if you talk to them,

He might get to like the idea of feeling fresh if he takes showers at your house, and start to include it in his daily routine. I hope so, for his sake and yours.

purplesofa

Is it him or the clothes he is wearing? I have been around some people that they smell funky and its all in thier clothes, their house smells that way, kinda like when someone's clothes smell like cigarette smoke.

purps

LittleToe

I'd go with Karl's suggestion, though it's probably his clothes as well as his body. You might try it, and maybe even throw him a can of the same deoderant as your son. Asking them to get washed up before coming down for breakfast might be an additional reinforcing cue.

I remember solving this issue with my wee brother. He had just come back from the hospital when our gran was still living, and complained that it smelled really bad there. I simply told him that I could tell, because he still smelled of the hospital and should go take a shower quick.

HIs face dropped and he rushed off to do as I suggested. After a couple of times of suggesting that he smelled like a hospital, or asking him if he had visited one recently, he caught on and started showering regularly

It really isn't something that a boy thinks about until it's brought to his attention. If it's done in an indirect manner it saves a lot of embarrassment all round.

mrsjones5

Thanks guys, I like the Axel idea. I was thinking about giving him a gift set of the stuff for Christmas. And the shower idea is a great one too. I could say that the house rule is to take a shower before bedtime.

OK I feel better now.

Josie

Scully

I can promise you that this is something that he will eventually realize is a hinderance to his social life, and decide to do better.

When my son was going through that developmental stage, it was almost like he was embarrassed by the changes in his body and was ignoring them as a coping strategy by refusing to bathe. He would balk and resist at our suggestions to have a shower - it was torture for all of us. Finally one day when he was about 10 or 11, I just couldn't stand the stench anymore, so I ordered him to put on his bathing suit and went into the bathroom with him and gave him very detailed instructions on how to bathe properly and made sure he was following instructions. I had also picked up a gift basket of nice masculine scented soap, shampoo, deodorant, shower gel, shaving cream and a razor (which he started using within a few months) and gave it to him before the process began, to help soothe the sting of this invasion of his privacy. We started from the top - washing face and hair, then the neck, shoulders, upper body, underarms, legs and feet. Then I closed the shower curtain and gave him detailed instructions on how to wash his groin area, and included a matter-of-fact "school nurse" version of a birds-and-bees chat, reassuring him that any embarrassing changes that were happening in his body were quite normal, and let him know what kinds of things to expect as he continued developing. I had a couple of towels warming up in the dryer and let him use them when he was ready to come out of the shower (after I stepped out of the bathroom of course); again this was a way of soothing the hurt feelings over his privacy being invaded, and let him know that in spite of the discomfort and embarrassment of the situation for both of us, we really did want good things for him.

It was rarely a problem after that. Several years later, he spends more time on personal hygiene than both my teenage daughters do combined.

AudeSapere

Scully wrote: Several years later, he spends more time on personal hygiene than both my teenage daughters do combined.

OMG!! He just doesn't want to risk a repeat of that lessson!!

It seems extreme, but I suppose if he wasn't getting the not-so-subtle hints, the direct approach may have been all that you are left with. Did he ever mention that 'scene' to you again? Must have been pretty embarrassing for him at the time.

I haven't had a serious talk about this with non-family members, but in my own family it was just matter-of-fact. Some educational stuff relating to hormonal and body changes creating a 'smell' and bathing is just more important now. Probaby time to start using deodorant, too. The next visit to the supermarket included a trip to the toiletries isle and I let them pick out what ever deodorant they wanted. (Even if it cost an extra dollar or two - it was well worth the boost to their esteeme and my own enjoyment of being in their presence.) Both boys also got their own set of nice bath linens. Plush and durable. A double set so their friends would have something to use if they needed to shower up and no need to have the towels get stinky, too. Always had a clean set in the closet.

For MrsJones - I think a little gift basket is nice idea. And/or could you ask your son if he notices the stink on his friend? Tell him he'd be doing the friend a HUGE favor if he told him that other people can tell and maybe he should be sure to bathe every day with soap. And maybe twice. It might be a good exercise for your son - *IF* he has noticed the stench himself. If he hasn't yet, he might take note you mentioning it.

Oh!! How about this?? Next time they walk in to your house, you just roll your eyes and head and say: Whew!! ONE or BOTH of you stink!! Both of you go take showers right now. Throw your clothes in the hallway so I can wash them and I'll set some warm clean towels and some robes for you to wear while I wash the dirty clothes. Then have a nice little snack ready after they are back in their clean clothes smelling like young gentlemen.

Maybe?? Maybe not.. Good Luck!!

-Aude.

Stinky boys

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