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scary_goat2000

Need some help from you guys.

I am a divorced JW (ex was never baptized) free to remarry. I have been seeing a wonderfull Christian woman and have moved in with her. We plan to marry in the spring. I was raised a JW and all my friends and family are JW's, I have decided that this is not the life for me. So I decided to 'drift away' and start a new life outside the org, while not driving all my friends and family away.

Here's my problem. I was living in an apartment owned by a JW family. They caught wind of my new girlfriend and began spying on me. Evidently they saw my girlfriend leaving my apartment early one morning and thought the worst (perverts). Actually my girlfriend commutes to work and leaves at 4:30AM, on the way to work one morning she decided to return my cell phone that I left in her car. My landlord saw her drive off and reported me to the elders and told me I had to move out.

So I moved in with her so we could save more for the wedding and other plans we have. Needless to say I'm now the talk of the town, people that never talked with me at the hall now think its their 'obligation' to help me. The elders have attempted to contact me for weeks now. Tonight I got a letter that said they want to know whats going on. They are right on the verge of sending me a DF letter, so I need to respond to them.

I need some ideas on the best way to respond to them. I don't want a DF and want them to leave me alone. I am doing nothing that would warrant a DF. If they want to publicly reprove me thats ok by me, just leave me alone!

Any ideas?

Scary

SixofNine

I am doing nothing that would warrant a DF.

I've never been an elder and even I don't believe that!

And if it's true, you need to get busy![;]

Deacon

Scary...

You are toast.

notperfectyet

LOL 6, you beat me to it,
'living with her and not doing anything that warrants df'ing?

um, welcome to the club scary.

siegswife

I'm curious as to why you don't want to be disfellowshipped? I know you said that your family and friends are JW's. I guess I can understand the family part, but you are being persecuted by these people for something that was entirely innocent. What kind of family ties do you have if they would believe your accusers over you?
Can you really call those others friends? Who needs friends that are only friends when you are in complete agreement with them? Wouldn't a friend, believe in your innocence before your guilt? Wouldn't they at least want to hear YOUR side of the story?
It sounds to me like you would be well rid of all of these people if they would be willing to shun you over a disfellowshipping that happened because of a lie that was told about you and your girlfriend. It's called character assasination.

Nathan Natas

Hi SG2K,

You asked,

I need some ideas on the best way to respond to them. I don't want a DF and want them to leave me alone. I am doing nothing that would warrant a DF. If they want to publicly reprove me thats ok by me, just leave me alone!

Like others, I wonder why you want to remain in their "good graces," but that's your choice to make.

What if you tell them that you've been slandered and that you want the person making the accusation to either show their proof or receive the reproof they plotted to bring onto you?

It's important, I think, that you use the "broken record" technique here: "I have done nothing wrong. I have explained to you the circumstances, and I will NOT repent from a sin I did not commit." (Repeat your broken record phrase over and over and over and over to get it through their thick skulls. You may also want to consider suing the person making the false accusation and the local elders if they decide to act on the word of one (repeat ONE) false witness.

If you demonstrate the least amount of meekness they will take you to the ground and have their way with you like the wolves they are.

In any case, expect to be disfellowshipped. At least go down with your honor and dignity intact.

Pathofthorns

Based on their rules in their elder's manual, you are likely to be disfellowshipped. Few will buy into the "nothing happened" line (smile).

Nathan does bring out a good point if you want to try the legal route but unfortunately just accepting the disfellowshipping is probably your most convenient option.

It is unfortunate how they work things. Most just accept the inevitable. For most, wasting the time and money to keep a status you really don't want is too much of a headache.

Path

OlderTom

Here is how it works

They expect you to hang yourself so don't tell them anything and don't give them the amunition they are looking for.

The first thing YOU ask is

What are you accusing me off and who is the accuser? Who are the witnesses.

They will try and wheezel out of actually accusing you of anything and they certainly will avoid pointing out the accuser and his witnesses.

If they don't actually accuse you of anything then get up and say well then there is nothing to talk about, everything is under control. I have done nothing wrong. You had no cause to form a judicial commite, Goodbye.

If they do accuse you, and I strongly doubt they will, deny everything and make them provide the proof.

Mention that you possibly may take legal action against them personally AND the Society. ( make sure you include the Society) if they slander you by speading rumours and inuendoes even indirectly by DFing you. Just DFing you is slander if they have no proof of any wrong doing.

I have faced these Gestapo types and I have beaten them at their own game. They tried to DF me and lost big time.

YOU must be in control. If you don't want to answer a question then don't. That is what they do if you ask a question and they know the answer will show the Society in a bad light.

Don't play their game their way.

You can win if you remain calm and in control. Tell them as little as possible. Preferably nothing at all. Everything you say will be used to hang your balls from the yardarm.

Older Tom

Abaddon

Nathan did indeed make a good point about getting through the trial the body of elders obviously want to put you through.

I got through my judicial committee un-df'd the same way, except I HAD 'done the deed'. I just said I'd repented but didn't feel it was time for me to go back to the meetings, and kept on saying it, and pointed out under WT definition as it was eighteen months since I'd door-knocked they couldn't really regard me as a Witness (says this in some WT somewhere).

The fact you imply you haven't done the deed is moot; the circumstancial evidence is there for them to df you unless you stonewall like crazy.

I can guess your reasons for wanting to not be da'd or df'd, as I walked away to keep family ties as intact as possible. I also didn't want to play their rules. Other people feel a need to da or df to end it, and their choice is obviously right for them.

Keep on rocking in the free world...

scary_goat2000

Some good suggestions here. I just want to leave my options open for the future, I basically want to leave on my terms not theirs.

To the best of my knowledge, living with someone and/or marrying out of the truth are NOT DFing offences...am I right? So unless they can prove other wrongdoing they can't DF me? My only concern the the "loose conduct" loophole. I know people in other congs that have been DFed for that, although that was during the early 90's when things were a little more strict.

I was thinking of another tactic of forcing much of this to be done via mail. I'm thinking that avoiding a "face to face" meeting by corresponding by mail for a couple months. IMO its much harder to fight back when sitting in a room alone with 3 elders that want nothing more that to squeeze the juicy details out of you.

Anyway, keep those suggestions coming...

Scary

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