Worst Jw reasonings of all time (page 3)

Confession

The distance the blood flows from the winepress (600 furlongs or approximately 200 miles-Rev. 14:20) was the mileage from Scranton, Pennsylvania (where The Finished Mystery was written) to the Watchtower headquarters in Brooklyn, where it was published. This measurement, of course, was only accurate if the manuscript traveled from Scranton to Brooklyn via the Lackawanna Railroad and the Hoboken Ferry! (see The Finished Mystery, pages 229-230).

drew sagan

Confession,

That sure is a classic!

Iforget

OMG I am laughing at some of these and shaking my head at others. I love it though because you fortify my arguments to the family when I am pressed. Confession...you made me laugh out loud! Thanks!

Clam

Then there's evolving reasoning. . .

"Even if we presume that youngsters 15 years of age would be perceptive enough to realize the import of what happened in 1914, it would still make the youngest of ‘this generation’ nearly 70 years old today. So the great majority of the generation to which Jesus was referring has already passed away in death. The remaining ones are approaching old age. And remember, Jesus said that the end of this wicked world would come before the generation passed away in death. This of itself, tells us that the years left before the foretold end comes cannot be many." - AW 10/8/68 p13-14

"If you assume that 10 is the age at which an event creates a lasting impression on a person's memory, then there are today more than 13 million Americans who have a recollection of World War I. And if the wicked system of this world survived until the turn of the century,which is highly improbable in view of world trends and the fulfillment of Bible prophecy, there will still be survivors of the World War I generation. However, the fact that their number is dwindling is one more indication that ‘the conclusion of the system of things’ is moving fast towards its end." - WT 10/15/80 p31

"If Jesus used ‘generation’ in the sense and we apply it to 1914, then the babies of that generation are now 70 years old or older. And others alive in 1914 are in their 80's or 90's., a few having reached a hundred. There are still many millions of that generation alive. Some of them ‘will by no means pass away until all things occur.’ - Luke 21:32." - WT 5/15/84

"Therefore, in the final fulfillment of Jesus' prophecy today, ‘this generation’ apparently refers to the peoples of the earth who see the sign of Christ's presence but fail to mend their ways." - WT 11/1/95 pg19

dedpoet

I love this explanation of the leviathan from Job:

The Finished Mystery, 1926 edition, p 85
[Explanation: Here "leviathan" is interpreted as a train locomotive, Biblical reference to Leviathan in Job 40:15 to 41:34 is fulfilled by the arrival of the Locomotive Engine - brackets all in original. TFIM was described by the Watchtower as a "a powerful commentary on Revelation]
Thou wilt lengthen out leviathan (the locomotive) with a hook (automatic coupler) or with a snare (coupling-link) to drop down. Wilt thou not place a ring (piston) in his nostrils (cylinders) or pierce through his cheeks (piston-ends) with a staff (piston rod)? Will he make repeated supplications unto thee (to get off the track)? Or will he utter soft tones unto thee (when he screeches with the whistle)? […] Wilt thou play with him as with a bird (make him whistle at will)? Or wilt thou bind (enslave) him for thy maidens (so that you can take them to a picnic or convention)? Companies (of stockholders) will feast upon him (his earnings)…

And this one, accusing the Aluminium Trust of murder

Aluminum Trust Guilty of Two More Murders
. . . to make food poisonous. . . let it stand long enough in the aluminum vessel in which it is cooked. With this preliminary information anybody except a hardware merchant, or a publisher of advertisements, or a member of the A.M.A. will understand [a]...dispatch [that] appeared in the Miami (Fla.) Daily Tribune for June 27, under the headline "Bad Potatoes Kill Two Boys." It is not surprising how quickly and efficiently the [Aluminum] trust gets on the job to cover up the truth in every one of these cases of aluminum poisoning? All that was necessary to conceal the truth was to use the word "bacterial" instead of the word "aluminum," and the trick is done as neatly as any hangman ever tied a nose. But will those who arrange and support this diabolical propaganda to suppress the truth be able to answer to Almighty God for the suffering and misery of which they are the direct cause?

And these idiots claimed to be in direct communication with jehovah....sheesh

Clam

"Many have wondered how accidents would be avoided during Christ's kingdom, since we are told that nothing shall then hurt or destroy. Most accidents are due to gravitation and its effects. Falling from airplanes... etc., may be avoided by an individual negative gravity device.

"Scientists tell us that there is enough atomic energy in a finger-nail to propel a battleship. The people of the future may carry a little of this energy around with them, and if they fall down an elevator shaft they can let themselves down easy. Then they can turn a little more on and go back up. ... No danger of falling down stairs then." - Golden Age, March 24, 1926, p. 404.

gordon d

Here's a doozie....

"If you are a Christian woman, what should you do if, in spite of all precautions, you are set upon by a rapist? If you cannot deter him by reasoning, or by calling upon the name of Jehovah, then what? As a Christian you are under obligation to resist. This resistance includes screaming and creating as much disturbance as possible .. Resistance is imperative, because the rapist is after, not just money, but your virtue. An issue of integrity to Jehovah's laws is involved here. So by no means would it be proper quietly to submit to rape, as that would be consenting to fornication. -1 Thess. 4:3.. Would it be different if the man had a weapon and threatened to kill you if you did not submit? No, the Scriptures plainly state that Christians are under obligation to 'flee from fornication.' (1 Cor. 6:18). It is true that you face the possibility of death in this case.." {AWAK Aug 3 1974 14}

sinis

"Many have wondered how accidents would be avoided during Christ's kingdom, since we are told that nothing shall then hurt or destroy. Most accidents are due to gravitation and its effects. Falling from airplanes... etc., may be avoided by an individual negative gravity device.
"Scientists tell us that there is enough atomic energy in a finger-nail to propel a battleship. The people of the future may carry a little of this energy around with them, and if they fall down an elevator shaft they can let themselves down easy. Then they can turn a little more on and go back up. ... No danger of falling down stairs then." - Golden Age, March 24, 1926, p. 404.

Thats classic. As if the people of the future will still use freakin elevators with such high technology. Freakin idiots.

SB

Would it be different if the man had a weapon and threatened to kill you if you did not submit? No, the Scriptures plainly state that Christians are under obligation to 'flee from fornication.'

i would like to see them print this in a recent magazine. i love how there's really no "retraction", or appologies when the light just isn't quite bright enough at the time they teach such dangerous doctrines. i wonder how many people read this in 1974, victims of rape, and felt GUILTY?! I learned on Law & Order SVU that you NEVER make a victim feel guilty!!!

side note, i love that show. :)

Ténébreux

New Light can be likened to a ship tacking back and forth

Ships do this when they are struggling against the wind. What I'd like to know is: what is the "wind" that God is struggling against that makes it necessary for him to resort to this tactic?

Worst Jw reasonings of all time

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