Thanx for the advice everyone. I know what I must do...but perhaps I will wait just a little bit more longer till I do it. I dunno. Maybe I should of been more honest from the very beggining. I keep feeling there is a chance my parents and I can have a more meaningful relationship and I rather that relationship based on truth rather than lies even though once I tell the truth it will be a tough road ahead. Its still the right road.
HELP! I got a call from an elder today!
by stillAwitness 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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nelly136
cant remember if you're baptised or not?
hope it goes well whatever you choose stilla.
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sass_my_frass
You should definitely tell your mum that you're not going to meetings any more. I don't think you consider it the elder's business too, but at least get talking with her, for the sake of your very-long-term relationship.
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Honesty
Make it short and sweet.
Tell he rents that the Watchtower Society is no longer functioning as your spiritual advisor.
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AK - Jeff
It's just a matter of timing isn't it?
You are not going back, are you? You do not believe it to be the 'truth', do you? You don't accept the WTS as authority in your life, do you?
The next question becomes - what do you consider the moral and correct way to handle the matter? What do you wish to accomplish? Keep the family? Nice idea - but of course they will never let you be until they have you back in the flock, or discarded as 'leaven'.
All a matter of timing. For me, I was able to play the game for 3 years before I was forced to DA. I simply could not stay quiet and still be true to myself. I lost some family, but not my parents.
Now I realize that although I could have played the game longer, those people who have determined to love me only on the condition that I worship the God they do, in the way they do, according to the dictates of a book publisher is Brooklyn, are not worthy to be in my address book anyway. I still love them. But conditional love is pretty worthless to me.
I hope you find your way through this - the deception you have used is a symptom of the disease, and it's not your disease any longer. Don't confuse that with love.
Just my Opinion
Jeff
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Frog
hiya still hon, fair enough for taking the 7months or so break that you needed in order to get your head around thing, no point in sabotaging your life until you're strong enough to deal with all the repercussions, sounds though that it might be time to face up to the music though while you can do it with dignity, and better it come from you than someone else. They don't need to know that you haven't been going all this time, just tell them you've been inconsistent, and that you've decided to step away permanently for a while or whatever you need to say. Can only though recommend that you're sure of everything you say before you say it, they will be more comforted if they can see that you're unwavering in your decisions and that you've got good reasons for them, even if they disagree and will no doubt struggle with them. Just tell them what they need to know, don't overdo it at this stage, is what I suggest anyway, let them get used to the idea as gradually as possible, but also be prepared for the soul saving onslaught from the, because it will come, elders, family, friends etc...it all goes away in time though, just hang in there :* kisses x
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jgnat
Do you know how fragile little girls turn in to strong, mature women? They face the music!
Sometimes there is no decision that will come without pain. You need to separate out what you MUST do to remain sane from the CONSEQUENCES. The answer is to do the right thing, and ride out the consequences.
I rather my folks simply think I am inactive; I mean at least I can then stop lying
That's what you've said you wanted. So come out of the closet and admit that.
If you want to soften the blow, tears work. With men, anyways.
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IP_SEC
Do you know how fragile little girls turn in to strong, mature women? They face the music!
An elder in my hall finally called me after 7 months after me moving out on my own.
To the tune of "Here comes Santa Clause"
Here comes the CO, Here comes the CO right to stillA's old hall,
The elders are scrambling, the POs rambling to make those shepherding calls
stillAs inactive, so they're proactive to get her off their list
They'll dump her cards so she wont be a problem and the CO wont be pissed -
OnTheWayOut
IP_SEC has a point with his song.
I am all for honesty with the family, but you got yourself in a jam. You are dealing with a mind-control cult, so you cannnot just un-jam it. Your honesty has to be doled out over time. Stop lying to the family, but suggest some problems. IMO- To give some honesty to anything you say, GO TO 1 MEETING AT THE LOCAL HALL. This way, you can say that you have some trouble going to the Hall, but you have been there. Be as honest as you can with family (don't complicate things) but don't get yourself disassociated from family unless you want that. This is that old story about a man going on vacation, asks a friend to watch his house, pet, and Grandma. He calls and says "How's everything?" WELL, THE DOG DIED, STRUCK BY A CAR AND DIED. "What, you don't just say such a traumatic thing without warning. Perhaps you could have said the dog was playing in the street, and something bad happened. The vet did all he could, but... Don't just come right out with the worst news." (If you need the rest of that joke, PM me, but I think you get the point. Build up to your worst news.)
As far as the elders go, if you aren't ready to DA or DF, tell the elders that you have been missing meetings, then don't discuss anymore with them. They are stuck with you, or you can forward your records to the local Hall, hoping they won't shepherd you for awhile. Whichever.
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wanderlustguy
I am regular at meetings and service. Its been 7 months now and I know it will all blow up in my face soon. Although my folks go to a different congregation they share the same as hall with the elders in my congregation. Its amazing they haven't bumped into one another yet but when they do...I have a feeling all hell will break lose. WHAT DO I DO? Just come right out and tell my family I am not attending meetings anymore? Can I be D'F for that or do I just have to do something outright bad? Should I just be honest and hope for the best (I rather my folks simply think I am inactive; I mean at least I can then stop lying but what if they stop talking to me altogether?) PLEASE HELP!
They know you haven;t been in service, if you had the congregation where you "are" would have sent for your card already.
If you want to keep them thinking you might be going, find the hall close to you, go to a few meeting and have your cars sent over, then stop going. That's the fade. They will assume you are going as long as you can keep up with the latest "rules", or at the least figure you are "weak in the truth".
Or you could say you aren't going and deal with that.
Don't let anyone else make you feel bad or "dishonest" for any choices you choose to make at this time, you are the one dealing with this, and you have to make your own choices. Even if you can't be completely open (not the same thing as honest) with everyone in your life right now, it's about getting you to the point where you are ok. Screw everyone else and whatever they think is honest.
Good luck and best wishes, it's been great watching you come along!
WLG