What should I do? (stay or go?)

Anony-Mouse

As you may (doubtfully) or may not (more likely) know, there's a certain girl at the KH I'm interested in. VERY interested in. I'm almost 17, she's almost 15.

The more I talk to her, the more I think she likes me back (I've always been a good judge of character, knock on wood :P ) .

And I'm taking the advice given. I'll just stay freinds for now, get to know her, etc. We're both too young blah blah.

But I can't help but think about the future!

What if we do end up liking each other? I'd want to stay in contact with her after I turn 18. Her parents aren't going to let that happen with some "Worldly scum".

The only possible solution I can make is this:

When I turn 18, learn for certain how she feels about the religion. If she's devout, I'll tear out my heart, and leave her. If she doesn't belive it (she acts like I did at her age :P), I'll HAVE to stay for an additional 2 years.

A relationship needs communication and contact. 2 years apart doesn't sound like it'd work.

This is the number 1 problem I'm dealing with, and that's a good thing. It's so far off, I sholdn't worry, but this is the first time I've felt like this about a girl, and I've wanted to feel like this for a very long time.

choosing life

You are very young, but this does not dismiss your feelings. I don't understand. If she does not believe it, why do you have to stay for 2 more years? Is it to let her reach an independent age? Just be careful with your heart. Witnesses are very controlled and easily bullied into changing their mind by family pressure, even when they don't really believe it.

Good luck!

What-A-Coincidence

This is the problem: I can't help but think about the future!

Think about now! Think of a relationship that does not involved so much drama. Besides, u r too freakin young imho.

If you were to give advice as an investor...would you tell someone to invest in this relationship???

caligirl

I know it is such a cliche and the last thing you want to hear, but you are so young!! (And yes, I hated to hear that when I was your age,too.) I'll tell you what I told my stepson when he was 16 and crushing on a 14 year old in his hall. (By the way, now that he is 18, he has changed in what he wants already and is no longer interested in this girl, even though he was in his mind planning the wedding when he was 16)

What I told him was this. What you need and want in a woman (and I emphasize woman because a woman is ready to marry, a girl is not) WILL change drastically by the time you are 25. That is inevitable because you will still be growing and changing and figuring out who you are and deciding where you want to go, what you want to do with your life, career and free time, what you NEED and want in a mate. And when you set your sights and pour your future into one person at your age, you are depriving yourself of the time needed to mature as an individual.

I speak from experinece, in the position of the girl who was 14 when I set my sights on a guy I grew up with, 15 when we made ourselves a couple, 16 when we got engaged, 18 when we married and 27 when we divorced. 13 years of my life. Had we waited until I was older and he was older, we likely never would have married. I thought I was all grown up at 18. In hindsight, I know that I was still a girl when I married, not a woman. And don't think that LOTS of people didn't try to tell me not to get married, but I was too proud and stubborn to listen to anyone. I "knew" (ha) what I wanted and no one was going to come between me and the vision I had for my life. How wrong I was, and how much pain I could have saved myself, and the son born of that marriage, who did not ask for the situation he is now in but has to suffer through the consequences of those mistakes just the same, if I had treated that first relationship as the beginning of my journey to adulthood instead of the end!

I'm sorry for droning on. I guess I just want to pass on a little of my hard and painfully won "wisdom" , if I can even call it that. I am certainly not saying that your fate would be the same as mine turned out to be, and this is certainly the seriously abridged version of that story, but the younger you marry, the greater your chances of becoming a divorce statistic when you grow to find out that what interested you at 16 or 18 makes you miserable at 25.

I wish you the best.

caligirl

jgnat

I say, enjoy her company over the next few months. Chances are you heart will be torn far sooner than when you turn eighteen. (I'm thinking of my daughter's early romances.)

5thGeneration

I enjoy reading the PC comments.

SHE'S 15 YEARS OLD! Come on!

wanderlustguy

Tough love time...

Dude...you're 17, and while you may think you know a lot about you now, you don't know jack. Think back to when you were 12, that was just five years ago. How much of the stuff you were interested in at 12 are you still into now? Just as you changed that much over those few years, you will continue to do so over the next 10-15. You don't even know what religion you are for crying out loud, how can you expect to know who you want to live your life with?

Of course I remember when I was your age I knew every damn thing and was so in love with whichever girl was the closest or giving me some attention. The Truth has your mind all screwed up still, and you have to fix that FIRST, then figure out who you really are SECOND, and figure out what you want to do the rest of your life, and go about getting in the position to do it. After you do all of that...you might be in the position to screw someone elses life up by merging your goals into a long term relationship.

It's time to think with your mind...not your eyes, hands and wee wee. Women are not a possession, a slave, or someone to cater to you. Until you can see them as equal as a person...you will have it really hard.

Force yourself to get a grip on reality...it's not something they can teach you in The Truth.

Good luck.

WLG

cyberdyne systems 101

Although we can give advice based on our own experience - there is nothing like learning it for yourself, as time goes by things will change and this may never be an issue for you, or perhaps years later you'll look back and wished you'd have done things differently, who knows, this is all part and parcel of life. I remember the feelings I had for a non JW girl, when I was your age and its was very powerful, in the end I gave up on it at the time because I felt it was wrong in terms of being a witness. Now i can look back and think any number of reasons I could have not been with this girl or maybe i could have who knows. The fact is we all change as we get older, its the growing together that is tricky.

CS 101

wanderlustguy

P.S.

This is the number 1 problem I'm dealing with, and that's a good thing. It's so far off, I sholdn't worry, but this is the first time I've felt like this about a girl, and I've wanted to feel like this for a very long time.

You will feel it a lot more about a lot of different people through your life until you find yourself...look forward to it. A long time to you is how long now? Three years is almost 1/5th of your whole life. I've been in a relationship for almost 4 right now...and I barely know the girl.

moshe

Dear Anony-mouse,

don't say anything- go to college and make friends with some college girls, you'll have the answer you need. You are making plans for College, aren't you?

What should I do? (stay or go?)

Share this