Transgender - A Case of Tested Friendship

by Amazing 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • Amazing
    Amazing

    Friendship comes in all stages, shapes, and sizes, from the very close, as brothers, built over a lifetime, to the budding kind that has only a few months or a year or two. I have been friends with Sam (fictious name) for about seven years. We are not real close friends, but have a good quality relationship that is mostly confined to the office.

    Recently, Sam told me that he had an issue with a female agent who tried to get him fired. Of course, I asked why. He said that he recently posed as a woman in a transgender magazine, has had his name legally changed to Sara (again, fictious), and is going through physiological and psychological treatments to fully convert to a woman. I had notice that his face looked different, including the eyebrows. I figured that he was just trying to look younger, but at second glance, with this new information, why yes, he looked more like a she. I was surprised, but then his actions explained his divorce, and other changins going on. I inquired more, and I did not react negatively.

    The female agent was furious with him because she felt that Sam/Sara was going to cause a loss of business. This issue was taken to the Broker/Owner who stood by Sam/Sara. Unknowing to the Broker, the State of Illinois had earlier in 2006, passeds an anti-discrimination law that included transgenders, in with Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Transvestites, etc. The Broker stood by Sam and told the female agent to mind her own business. He chose wisely, but then again, he has known Sam for 30-years.

    Strangely enough, the WTS permits Transgenders to remain in their new gender, and as long as they made the change before they became JWs ... as long as they do not get married or have sexual relations with anyone. When I was an Elder, I obtained a copy of a specific BOE letter to a San Francisco congregation dealing with this specific issue. Bu that was in the 1980s. So, who knows what policy the WTS now enforces. As a JW, of course, we would be taking action against a peson for making such a choice while they are JWs. And we would be required to sever all ties with such a person.

    But now, as my own person, I find that I can still retain friendship with Sara. It is a little strange, and of course, for me, there could be nothing more. But, somehow, I do not find this choice necessarily objectionable. Sara's children urged her to come out and be the woman she is on the inside, and not live in despair and frustration. Sara's ex-wife has even accepted the new Sam as Sara, and they have allowed their relationship to be friendly. I do not relate Transgenders to Gays and Lesbians, as theere are significant differences.

    What is your view? Do oyu see Transgenders as acting wickedly, mentally ill, or simply trying to correct a disconnect between their mind, heart, and body?

    Jim Whitney

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    Strangely enough, the WTS permits Transgenders to remain in their new gender, and as long as they made the change before they became JWs

    Not really. If you look at it from a legal standpoint, they would be in violation of every known civil liberties law and/or legal precedent to force someone to undergo a surgical procedure to restore "correct" genatalia. And that's to say nothing about the incredible amount of bad publicity it would generate were such a thing to come to light.

    Now it is my understanding that a transgendered person is not eligible for "privileges", i.e. ministerial servant, elder and so on. It is also my understanding that a transgendered person is not allowed to marry. Of course I've been out since 1989, so things could easily have changed.

    As for me, good Lord I've got enough to answer to for my life. I've got no business at all judging someone else.

    If someone can find happiness through sex reassignment, then I say God bless 'em and I wish them all the happiness they can find.

    Chris

  • Cellist
    Cellist

    I don't think the situation is the same for every person having a gender identity crisis. I certainly don't think they're wicked. I can't comment on the mentally ill, they have as much chance of having a mental illness as the rest of us. I much prefer to accept people for who they are. It's up to the individual to figure out their own life. It's how they act and treat others that matters to me, not whether they're heterosexual, homosexual, transgender, etc. A decent person is a decent person.

    Cellist

  • gumby
    gumby

    Heck, I'd marry this fella if'n I was single.


  • minimus
    minimus

    In the 80's, I knew of a transgendered person that went to a nearby Hall. "He" wanted to use the ladies room but the elders told him that since he was born a male, Jehovah viewed him as such. Therefore he couldn't use that restroom. He/she made a stink over the bathroom privileges (no pun intended), so the elders contacted the Society and they told them that he was still a man and therefore couldn't use the ladies room. (I'm not sure if he still had his penis).

  • jaguarbass
    jaguarbass

    What is your view? Do oyu see Transgenders as acting wickedly, mentally ill, or simply trying to correct a disconnect between their mind, heart, and body?

    I dont spend much time thinking about it. I say live and let live. I would think transgenders would be a minute part of the population, I try to enjoy all the different types that make up life. What is mentally ill? Different than me?

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned

    When I was young, a jw, and knew it all, I would have thought that Sam/Sara was disgusting. Now that I'm older, not a jw, and DON'T know it all, I wish your friend the best. Life is hard enough without me shoving my narrow-minded belief system on anyone else. As long as I don't know what they go through, I sure have no right to judge.

  • gaiagirl
    gaiagirl

    I don't view people as either male OR female, but as individuals who fall somewhere along a spectrum with includes girly girls, tomboys, androgynous folks, feminine men and masculine men, and probably some others as well. Everyone has seen people who looked as if the SHOULD have been "the other" gender, Bea Arthur comes to mind. Ru Paul makes a very convincing woman (or at least, used to). The particular gender which an individual identifies with and chooses to live as is their own business, and doesn't offend me in the slightest.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    I've viewed this situation from a couple of different perspectives. Several years ago, one of the guys I worked with told me that he had been called to the home of "some chick who was making a porno movie or something." As he described the situation he encountered I began to suspect that my cow-orker's perceptions were not as finely honed as mine. I felt that he failed to recognize the reality behind the situation he encountered. A couple of days later this "chick" made another request for technical assistance, and driven largely by my curiosity, I jumped at the chance to give my buddy a hand by taking this call for him.

    I was right. The person in question was a leader in the transgendered movement in the city in which we worked, and a published author on the subject of gender identity. Very polite, very intelligent and very well spoken.

    Needless to say, the sex was GREAT.

    (That last line is a joke.)

    A few years later the shoe was on the other foot. A fellow with whom I had been close friends for a couple of decades informed me that he was going through the process of changing his gender. I was uncomfortable that he wanted me to help him keep this a secret from other people that we both knew. He also seemed to relish opportunities to tell me about how the process was progressing. I couldn't take it. I told him I loved him and wished with all my heart that his new life would bring him whatever it was that he was looking for, but that I could not be a part of that life and asked him not to contact me again.

    ...and here all you folks thought I was perfect!

  • lighthouse19something
    lighthouse19something

    Hey mimus, the church I'm going to now has 2 restrooms, both are unisex. just lock the door when you go in. That would have cleared the issue. I don't think any transgender people are going to it, but I'm not checking it out.

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