Did leaving the borg ruin your marriage (page 2)

Doubting Bro

While I'm probably in no position to give anyone advice, that's never stopped me before

Perhaps its just too much, too fast for her? You went from an elder going gung-ho to stepping aside to coaching your kid's basketball team in what, a month? I actually admire your decisiveness since I'm moving extremely slow.

Maybe you need to back off just a touch and give her some time to process things. Especially if she's a lifelong JW. Everyone takes things at a different pace.

Really, though, you know your wife the best. Follow your gut.

sspo

because she is pretty faithful, and knows that unless I die or cheat she is stuck) what should I do

Well dont rely on that, every woman has a breaking point, eventually if she does not see any result out of you and you continue arguing about the "truth" she has the ultimate weapon against you " spiritual endangerment ", not wanting to live with an apostate and of course trying to save the lives of your children by staying away from you and continuing in the "truth".

If you love her and want to stay with her and your kids, keep in your mouth shut, bite your tongue because do more you try to expose the org. the more stubborn she will become.

my marriage fell apart recently after 26 years, i spoke too much and was taken before the elders for apostasy and still dealing with them.

Fortunately my kids were all grown and on their own.

Do your reasearch on this forum on how many handled their situation.

Unless you want to get a divorce take it slow and wisely otherwise you will get df and lose your family.

Billzfan23

I know now that I went way too fast. However, I wanted a quick and painless end to their control, kind of like ripping off a bandaid rather than pulling it off slowly. She is indeed a lifer, having been raised in a divided household - she gave up a lot to be a witless, and she has a family full of brothers and sisters with priveledged positions in the Org, as well as a reputation to keep and an image to uphold. She legitimately believes every ounce of it, even begging me not to do what I have been doing - going as far as asking me what I will do when the governments turn on religion. It ends in her giving me the silent treatment for days on end... not a pretty sight to say the least. The kids love it because (only after I left and was open about it) they both have told me how tough it has been on them at school to be a witness, and to stifle friendships and association just to please Mom and Dad. This whole situation really, really s...u...c...k...s...

IP_SEC

Naw. Being in the borg and not having time for family did. Leaving was just the icing on the cake er I mean straw that broke the camels back.

OnTheWayOut

I know now that I went way too fast.

Just back off. She feels that you are fulfilling the predictions of the WTS that Satan is luring your thoughts. (Some similar nonsense- you know what I mean.) Continue to allow the kids to avoid meetings and enjoy life. I mentioned the author, David Reed. He felt that exposure to WT doctrine was less harmful to your kids than a war between parents, forcing them to take sides. I totally DISAGREE. He felt that they will outgrow the exposure to the religion. I feel that I would not want to take that chance. If I had kids, I would not want to find out that they adore the WTS, and now they think I am the tool of Satan. I would take the advice above. Expose them to everything about the WTS if they go to meetings. If you are able to allow them to not go, and they decide on their own to not go, then that is good enough. As soon as that changes, say that they can go only if they learn EVERYTHING about WTS.

You will have to get your gameplan for the wife together. That means you can back off for now, start researching and talking to JWD and start consulting with any non-JW family that would help. Read a bunch. If it helps you, pray a bunch. She will be a bit upset about the directions you are giving to the kids, but she will appreciate your ging her space to believe as she wants (as you get the gameplan together). Tell her that you love and accept her, no matter what she does. (I say that, but if my wife ever turned me in to the elders for apostasy, if she ever moved out or turned off her affection totally- I would do an all-out attempt at cult-removal in her case, and if it failed, I would seek divorce or separation.)

luvbug2007

Its sick and sad to say this but the borg is the reason why me grandparents were married in the first place!

My grandfather was gay and in the ARMY, he soon meet jdubs and he knew that he could not be gay and blah blah....He meet my grandmother and they got married....My grandmother still says he was a gay man at heart, which is very blant for her cause she is a STRONG jw.

jwfacts

There is always some hope that she may see the WTS for what it is in time. So try to keep the peace and the marriage together and take things slowly with her. It usually takes months, but there are many wives that left due to the assistance of their husbands. (Realistically though, many marriages also stay divided or break up.) Try to just ask her thought provoking questions to see where she stands on things, what convinces her it is truth and what her own doubts are. Over time you can then work on those doubts.

jaguarbass

2 weeks since stepping down as an elder is kind of soon to determine which way the wind is going to blow. I left in 83 my wife stayed in to 93. We have been married 34 years. I guess it depends on whether you both want to make it work or not. Both my wife and I apparently wanted it to work. Divorce can be expensive at least the fruits of divorce child payments alimony maintaining 2 residences. I look back and can see my mariage involved more than just belonging to a religious cult. Good luck to you.

hillbilly

Been there, done that.... She may, in time, divorce you for "spiritual endangerment" (yea, they will let her get away with that)... I forget what issue but there is a WT that defines the conditions... don't worry, the logic your local BOE will apply will be impecable, as usual.

She will use the courts, lies will be told, Ceasar will give her her cut. The Elders will shuffle around the whole issue until it's done.

~Hill

done4good

The Borg ruined my marriage, then my ruined marrige got me out of the Borg!

j

Did leaving the borg ruin your marriage

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