I want to thank everyone for their kind words . The help has been great here I will try to use some of the things you have brought to me . Thank you all
Judical Committee/ Plea for Reinstatement help
by livingalie 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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avidbiblereader
First livingalie, I am new to the forum, I have been out for over 6 years and spent 22 years in, Was a poineer, MS and an elder so that is my background. Same as many others here that have gone through the mill with this org. Sorry to hear that you have so many problems and I don't know if what I will say will help or not. Like any GAME you must play by the rules if you want to win. Life is not a game and so for that reason what happens in the org to me doesn't apply on many matters, but if you want back in. You must play by their rules and you must know that the rules change constantly depending on which cong you are in, who your elders are, inexperienced or not, humble or not, does your knowledge of the scriptures offend them or shed light on matters FOR you. There is a no win situation after awhile. However, the witnesses published an article years ago on divorce, stating in there the INNOCENT mate can forgive or not. Forgiveness is shown by having sex with the guilty party whether immediately or within a resonable period of time to think matters over. However there was a LOOPHOLE for the guilty party, they said even if the innocent mates says they forgive, but does NOT resume sexual relations with the guilty party, then it can be assumed that the guilty party has the right to move on without any feelings of undo guilt and move on with their lives. I would say over a year on her part, it has been enough time (use the year of DFing as the timetable, they do). Don't know if you have used this, remember this or one on the judical committe has, but it is there. Her not moving forward and you or her applying for the divorce should have no bearing on the matter of your desire to be reinstated. Amazing how man made rules has only complicated your situation.
As far as the year being DF'd it always surprises me on this matter too. Both 1 and 2 Cor were written in the same year, so that blows a huge hole in the (must be out a year theory), 1 Cor 5 says to DF the party who was trying to contaminate the cong, not like many witnesses who just leave but want nothing to do with spreading their conduct or teachings in the cong. However, 2 Cor 2 says that only the majority went along with the descision to DF and nothing happened to the remainer who didn't shun him. Also the cong was to go to the man when they could see that he was obviously repentant, not for the man to beg his way back in after a year of constantly humilation and meeting attendance was not the measuing bar for reinstatement, no letter, no announcement, no repeated judical committee meetings, Paul wrote to the congr, not the BOE who DF'd him to confer their love on the sorrowed man. The whole thing for you to continue this walking in the hall to be humilated, to me this is so unloving. I am sorry livingalie, I just cant see our God as this unloving or kind, but I now that Jesus said whatever you measue out will be measued out to you. I wonder for all serious sins, whether they are brought before a committee, done in private, we got away with it in mans eyes or not, does Jehovah only forgive sins after a year. Ludicris, sorry for the spelling. If they don't reinstate you for awhile, just remember, Is 55:8,9
8 “For the thoughts of YOU people are not my thoughts, nor are my ways YOUR ways,” is the utterance of Jehovah. 9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than YOUR ways, and my thoughts than YOUR thoughts.
NEVER feel that just because some legalist doesn't reinstate you, who cant read your heart, that Jehovah through His Son hasn't already forgiven you.
Paul said at 1 Cor 4:3-5 3 As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point. 4 My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t prove I’m right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide. 5 So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.
James says that those who show no mercy will have their judgement without mercy. Jesus said in John 12 that even he didn't judge, BUT if he did, it would only be right becasue his Father was with him.
Take courage, the judgement of men, BOE, holds no water with me. Use your time DF'd to draw close to Jah, use it to build more faith and love, use it to become less judgmental and forgiving of others. Play their games for as long as you need to if you want to go back. I for my part, have a closer relationship with Jehovah and His Son then ever. It has been built by my reliance on both of them with a lot of prayer and constantly looking at God's Word, begging for his help in all I do. Remember men totally combined, only add up to an exhaulaton according to the Psalmist. Don't put too much in what men can do or say to you. If you feel the need to be in the org for whatever reason, then that is your call, but always build the relationship with God and His Son, rely on them, PS 146:3,4.
John 2:23-25 says of Jesus 23 Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many began to trust in him. 24 But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew human nature. 25 No one needed to tell him what mankind is really like.
If Jesus did't trust men and we are suppose to be like him, well??? Go figure! I wish you the best in all you do,
Your Brother no matter what some MAN says of me
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yaddayadda
I find it incredible that you were going to all the meetings for a whole year but you are not allowed to be reinstated because you are not making any attempt at reconciliation with your wife. That is ridiculous. Since when does trying to repair an obviously broken marriage have anything to do with being accepted as a Christian again, especially since it is your wife that is refusing to move to your new town? You are supposed to show works befitting repentance of your adultery, not works showing you still love your wife, which you obviously don't. What on earth do the elders expect you to do? I suspect that either you are not telling us the full story about why the elders are not reinstating you. Are you still secretly fooling around with women?
I'd give the elders the big finger. Find another church. Find a new family. -
reneeisorym
Its hard to do ... but my only advice is to start a new life. That's what I did.
I got a divorce, left behind parents, long time friends, 36 family members... found a new husband that actually loves me, got new friends, his family, new town, new religion. It was the best thing I ever did. I feel so free and the people love me unconditionally.
Renee
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TweetieBird
My heart goes out to you. Its obvious that you want to get reinstated so that you can have a relationship with your mom and dad and siblings. Do you want to get back with your wife? Like others have said, you have to play their game, unfortunately. Someone else suggested that you write your wife letters, make every attempt to reconcile. Either she will agree or she will tell you it's completely over. At that point, you can tell the elders that you've tried everything possible to make it right, but that she can't and won't forgive you. For your sake, you should hope that she doesn't forgive you because if you do end up getting back together, she will probably never let you forget it. I will tell you this, the family thing is over-rated. I have siblings that are still in but it wouldn't really bother me to be disfellowshipped at this point. But, that's just me. My parents (dead now) would have never disowned me, no matter what. My inlaws would but I don't live near them anyway. The freedom I feel right now is far superior to the relationship I have with my believing JW family. I'm a fader and the family doesn't know but I'm sure the day will come when they find out. I'm ready for it. I have a loving husband and children (only 1 a JW but quit going to meetings recently) That is the only family I need. I hope you find some happiness. I hope you find someone that will love you unconditionally because most JW's can only give you love that is conditional.
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Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
Dude! Sorry you had such a bad experience and marriage partner. I missed if you answered: Why do you want back in? Not criticizing you personally, I'm criticizing the evil with which you have been afflicted, namely the JWs.
Wishing you the best possible outcome.
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jwfacts
I am sorry for what you are going through, and it is normal in such a situation to have lost the zest for life. However, you are in a no win situation, and being reinstated is not going to make things better. You know it is not the truth, your family will sense that and you will be placed under continual pressure from them. My personal opinion is that you have to make a clean break and start a new life. If you do not do it now you will cause yourself much heartache over the next few years trying to be what you are not, and probably have to start again anyway, but when you are older and it is even more difficult.
Tough times ahead but you will get there, and I wish you all the best.
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Mary
The brothers in the meeting say that they have seen me at all the meetings But what have I done in this time to make my marriage right with my wife .I said I have tryed in the past but to know avail ,They say that does not count as that doing that time I was a sinner due to my affairs.
The brothers don't give a damn how miserable someone is in their marriage-----they expect you to toe the line and continue to live with someone who makes your life a hell, all for appearances sake. In their mind, there's no such thing as "irreconcilable differences", the only grounds for a scriptural divorce is adultery. Which you've done.
I know many may be thinking why go threw this but I have family that I want to have a relationship with and I have to get back due to that fact that my whole family is in the "Truth".
Gee, why does this sound so familiar to me? If I'm reading your story right, you want to get reinstated and then do the Slow Fade There's no easy way out of this, but if you have no interest in reconciling with your wife, you should go ahead with the divorce NOW while you're still DF'd. I'd stop going to the meetings for a while and in about a years time, move to another congregation and THEN start going back.
The whole process could take a couple of years, but it sounds like it might be worth it. Good luck.
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JWdaughter
Anyone else thoroughly sick of the way the WT org. plays with peoples lives? Obviously this marriage was in trouble long before anything 'happened'.Where was the org. when his wife refused to join him?Where were all the good JWs when this man was lonely and disconnected from the person who was supposed to be his partner in life?
Someone hanging on a cliff, obviously in distress and needing help and they ignore him. He lets go of the rope and they accuse him of suicide. Come on! This is so like the org. and those associated with it.
Cheating was boneheaded and wrong, but the consequences are a bit unbalanced, and now to the point of being cruel. The man expresses repentence and the elders JUDGE whether or not he is repentent enough? What the heck do they know of this man? I am appalled by the entire scenario. And I would feel worse if the poor man reconciled with the woman. Disaster and no escape possible!
What kind of support did his folks give him the last few years when he had to move? Where were they then? Would they really ever be any kind of support in the future anyway-if he were re-instated? If friends are the family you choose, I bet he could find a better one that would offer support when he needed it.
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sass_my_frass
Yeah I know how hard it is to walk into that hall. I'm never doing it again, and my loveless family are only being as uninvolved in my life as they ever were.
Honesly, what are you losing? Conditional love, is all. My family aren't really family, because they'd only accept me on their terms. My JW friends were never really friends for the same reasons. I don't need that kind of pretension, I have real friends now.