I understand perfectly including the grandfather part. We lived close to my grandfather so I have many memories of him when I was young, but as I got older and more and more CULTivated (raised in the truth), it was a no brainer for me to refuse to attend his funeral when he died. I felt it was what Jehovah expected of me - he was a non JW and his funeral was in a church. My stance was of course applauded by the zealous thereby hiking my superiority level by degree. The arrogance of that thinking makes me sick now. The loss of that relationship as a direct result of being a JW makes me angry. You only get one shot at a lot of things in life and like most that were raised in the 'truth', I was left with nothing - not even a good understanding of myself.
Regrets for becoming a JW
by sinis 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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NanaR
sinis,
I don't feel as though I "became" a JW -- I never really had any choice. I was a "cradle JW" (borrowing an expression from the Catholic Church -- cradle Catholic -- which is what my husband was before he "became" a JW).
I am at the point in my life where looking back does not hold much interest. I excelled in school, I turned down multiple scholarship opportunities, I took a part-time job and pioneered. But then I met my husband -- at an international convention in Puerto Rico -- so the point could be made that had I not been born a JW and he not been "converted", we would have never met. As he is my best friend and the love of my life (we married in 1974 and are still happily married almost 33 years later), I certainly can't regret THAT part of my JW life.
I do wish that my eyes had been opened to the "truth about the troof" sooner, so that my children would have had more "normal" lives. None of my children were ever baptized, and it was a visit from 3 elders who interrogated my youngest daughter and pronounced her "not a publisher" that started my drift toward "the back door". But had I stopped going in service, etc., sooner, perhaps my oldest daughter would not been the confused and mixed up mess that she is now.
So I guess I do have regrets, but noone can change the past. Only the future is within our power to shape -- and I am doing that the best way I know how.
Best wishes,
NanaR
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BrentR
Sinis, your story is so very similar to mine and probably many others. I am also a craddle JW so at least it was not my choice to be part of them. But every day I think about how much different things would have been had I not spent my first twenty years of life with them.
I found that I can now cultivate true friends, think on my own, have an opinion and know that I am not being judged daily by a group of old men with a power and control complex. That is very, very therapuetic. However each time I think about how many hours I spent going to meetings, assemblies, bible study, door knocking etc I still get angry even though I know I can't change history and can only look ahead.
This is my first post here and I am so very glad I found a place were everyone knows my story allready. Even though no one here has even met me my story is pretty much the same as the rest of you.
Just talking with all of you is going be a huge step for me to continue on in life. I willing to bet alot of forum members here had a period of isolation and being able to talk with others is so important. A forum like this is truly a worst case scenario for the "JW powers to be". It defeats so many of thier isolationist, segregationist and alienating tactics. This forum is certainly a digital coup in thier book(s).